Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

Cultivate a wilderness garden and learn how to do matched betting.

(Don’t ask me about matched betting, I haven’t got time to work it out, it there are threads on here.)

Imagine the slaughter potential of roundabouts though, if you had all you enemies held in a circle around you whilst you whirled around firing a machine gun.

Have you become French by infection Proj? You want to watch that, avoid stripy jumpers, strings of onions and berets or kepis at all costs. BUT it would be super funz to join the Foreign Legion. The Dark Lord would fucking love the Foreign Legion.

I have very dim memories of handholding, mainly that it was an inconvenience.

I suppose the lack of disgust is down to knowing where the hand has been.

Maybe the smiling neighbour children could come over and do a ‘gardening project’. Supervised by neighbour, obviously.

Thislido you put your slaughterees on the roundabout and stand still and kill them as they spin.

That would work too. Except you wouldn’t have the fun of the roundabout until the corpses had been removed.

Maybe what we need is Revolutionary Fair. All the games would involve slaughter of our enemies by paying visitors, thus raising money and making an example. People love death, thousands used to pay to watch hangings.

Reasons for holding hands.

You're blind: Get a guide dog 🐶

You're cold: Buy gloves

I’m glad you’re coming to your senses.

You're on a roll TL! May i adjust that? People pay to be killed, unknowingly of course. Or, a new super funz Dignitas.

Go Out With A Bang - our motto.

I apologise for miswhoring you DT I'd forgotten you weren't just a fat old slag but also a student of the macabre and exceptionally violent.

Yes! One of the options would be human cannon ball!

Or humane cannon ball if they wanted sedating first.

Phew, thanks for being my thriend Thigh. I’d list all the things that I don’t understand but it would take too long.

Don’t get a boyfriend. This is a distraction laid by the enemy, to thwart your true calling of revolution / murder.

Yes, I am basically french now. 90% quiche and very very rude. Also I got my Swiss Army knife confiscated in a museum.

Is this a plot? My weapons removed and Thigh’s thoughts turned to romance? Are the other thisters still ok?

No sedation, they're heading for the big sleep anyway.

Oh Proj who took your weapon? Was it De Gaulle? He probably fears you are The Jackal. Are you dressed as an infirm veteran with one leg taped up to your thigh to simulate being an amputee? Are you singing la Marsaillaise? Can't spell in French obvs.

Don't mention Algeria or talk about Sidi bel Abbas, they'll lock you up if you do. Also don't say wee wee, you'll be trafficked before you can say Zut Alors.

Do say Zut Alors and ou et la plage. That will cover everything.

Bonjour thisters! I'm glad we are turning French for a bit! I'm practically French myself! Ou est la crayon?

Comment s'appelle tu? Je m'appelle Dangly ! Quelle age a tu?

See!! Fluent!! Am practically French!

En Francois ci vous plais?

Avez vous un Chinook?

Because I am fluent in French would anyone like to hire me as a translator?

Voulez vous couched avec moi ce sois?

• coucher

Grrrrrrr bad phone!!! You are going to mourir!

Sacre bleu!!

Couchez, non?

Je suis aussi francais pratiquement.

J’ai un soeur at un chat. Je voudrais un kilo des tomates at fait le plein, sil vous plait.

Mais oui!