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Original poster

Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 26/04/2019 21:26

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

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Thread gallery
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MrsCatE · 03/05/2019 09:36

No!!! Great Thigh!!! I am not worthy. Admittedly, BastardCat is almost big enough to ride on but nothing like as magnificent as Elsa. I can't solve leaving the house most days let alone peoples' problems.

DO NOT ABDICATE a la Akihito stylie however, if you're abducted by natives brandishing leeks and singing 'Land of my Fathers' in a Deliverance type scenario, I nominate any other regular to take on your mantle.

Please accept a gross of sultan bran as my homage.

nakedscientist · 03/05/2019 09:45

classics!

You have to be spawning small goats!

They are banal boarding on depressingly infantile with a soupçon of sinister

nakedscientist · 03/05/2019 09:48

Bordering

Ticklingcheese · 03/05/2019 11:03

Hope you are all ok in thighland 👋

Hav en god dag.

thislido · 03/05/2019 11:31

Thigh so glad you haven't perished by poultry. I don't think they have them in Wales, you're probably safe. If the sheep or cattle try anything you just need to roll them over.

The weaponised she wee will have settings. Maim, blind, kill, warning, Thinking of You.

This is my favourite thing today.

I can't fucking wait for the weekend. I've turned my only meeting into a conference call, but unfortunately I have to speak loads so I'll have to not spend it shitting and boiling the kettle. My arse is sorry about all the sugar that's coursed through it over the last few days to keep me awake.

On the home straight. Just need to manufacture some bollocks on slides to talk about on this call.

thislido · 03/05/2019 11:32
thislido · 03/05/2019 11:36

oops, I've just suggested someone suffocate their husband on another thread. I need to stay on here.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 11:56

Thislido did they thank you? I'm really tired of people being ungrateful for murder advice.

Look at the flexi she wee

Do you have problems? I can solve them all.
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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 12:00

The product needs further development obviously. Some form of propulsion, nuclear? A trigger, a handy tripod and a telescopic sight. Possibly also a chinook for slanket bombing of larger areas a la napalm. Wondering if Naked is really Oppenheimer and has retired from the Manhattan Project (not the band).

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 12:02

Obviously i have my Sports Direct mug.

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thislido · 03/05/2019 12:06

Maybe we could just fling Sports Direct mugs filled with piss, Mike Ashley would probably sponsor us.

ProjectGainsborough · 03/05/2019 12:18

Je suis en francais!

I was concerned that the french might look down on my slanket-pissing ways, but having just been to the Eurostar loo, I think I’ll fit right in. Someone’s shewee has impressive range. I opened the door and a river of piss came out. Like the lift doors in the Shining.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 12:55

Project the French invented la pissoir after all. Probs still a bit confused by toilets al la Rosbif. I could do with some Rosbif, wonder if it comes with seaweed? Am in pub for food. At this rate i shall be rolling back along the M4 too fat to fit in my car.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 13:03

Are the weird people interactive though? They all appear to be confessing independently. I find them very compelling but don't want to draw too close, they are like little fawns.

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ProjectGainsborough · 03/05/2019 15:37

Hello Danish!!!

Thigh my very favourite thing about you is that I rarely have a clue what the fuck you’re on about. Please don’t explain though. I have this wonderful mental image of your murderer’s heart being melted by crowds of tiny Lilliputian people. It’s sweet 😍

AuntieCorruption · 03/05/2019 17:25

Hello Danish! I am so sorry I killed Esben in the last thread! I had to! He was annoying!

thislido · 03/05/2019 18:40

Do keep up, Project, these are the weird people www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3567494-to-ask-what-your-weird-secret-behaviour-is

I think you draw too close they will back away, flapping their hands and holding an imaginary conversation with several people, whilst squeezing their buttocks every three steps.

I find them fascinating.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 20:49

And that's why we're best friends who will never meet or speak Thislido.

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Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 20:57

DT is the Ted Bundy thing on today? What is it on?

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AuntieCorruption · 03/05/2019 21:03

Sorry thigh I was just too busy watching it then! It's on Sky movies and also Netflix!

'Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile'

Dh said it's about me!

nakedscientist · 03/05/2019 23:20

~ Pulling stringy stuff out my eyes after removing makeup

This is from the weird thread, THEY ARE NOT HUMANS. This is the evidence.

nakedscientist · 03/05/2019 23:24

If I'm in a restraint - I always think the meal is nice, but it would be much nicer if I had my plastic bowl and fork

Worrying

nakedscientist · 03/05/2019 23:26

Oops I just posted on the weird thread what I last posted here.

I think I've pulled it back though!

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 03/05/2019 23:53

My naked bride, it doesn't matter, they can't see us. You told them you were a zombie apocalypse and they didn't bat an eyelid. They're very fascinating aren't they? But delicate, i feel i must take only memories and leave only footprints in their thread. They make me feel a little thaternal, as though i had a real heart.

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nakedscientist · 04/05/2019 09:15

thigh

You've gone soft, it's the seaweed.

Have you gone on holiday by mistake?