Do you have problems? I can solve them all.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Hello, I'm Thigh. I will work with you to help you achieve the perfect balance in life. I am unfettered by knowledge or training as are my on call team of kindly agony aunts. We're ready to heal you.

My arse is holding up which is good as i have no idea where i am. Telling the ambulance "on a fucking farm" won't be helpful.

Well, you wouldn't be able to see the chickens, they're much too clever for that. But, just know...they are there, watching and waiting. Never let your guard down, when you're in the country.

Good job your arse is behaving, oftentimes, in the country, especially on a farm, they don't have 'proper' sewage disposal...just a tank where its all stored!

🚨🚨🚨THEY’RE FUCKING ON TO US 🚨🚨🚨

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/mumsnet-admits-it-is-also-the-illuminati-20190502185254

I saw that too Reg, they have no idea about the killings or anything so I think we are okay.

I'm still dead here actually

Yeah me too! Dead rather than illunimati!

(Hello thigh I miss you. Glad your arse is holding up! Don't panic about serial killers, they will be more scared of you than you of them!)

Hello Great leader! I thought you were dead but then thought fuck it; we've got Dangly, Project, Reg, Pooter, This, Naked etc. our heart will go on

BTW - I'm still dead too 'woo hoo ooh ooo'

P.s apologies if forgotten any other regs.

MrsCat we are all doing fine in the spirit world so y'no the ole saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" So we should stay dead!

Well someone said that anyhoo, at least once! I think!

Btw on the weird thread it's gone quiet because one of them was called out on being truly weird and stalking!

When we do it, we keep it between ourselves!!

Don't be frightened of serial killers thigh, we, your loyal subjects, are the serialist serial killers you'll ever encounter.

While you've been in the countryside have you happened upon a bird who's tweet sounds exactly like a horse neighing?

That joke piece got right on my tits actually. I know we may have beef with the more inane corners of MN, but ‘wittering about kids and minor cooking problems’ - is that what they think women ARE?

Fuck you daily mash, I came here for the bumsex threads.

Oh well Project if you need Hardcore:

I know you need bumsex but surely this is 20% of it!

I thought we were here to post pics of our bumholes? I don't really fancy any bumsex but happy to pimp and procure.

Cat you said i thought you were dead but then thought fuck it

I see, you're clearly after my crown 👑

I knew this day would come but i didn't know it would be you for whom the cock crowed thrice! I will appoint you Thigh II if you wish.

No a very good point thank you, i forgot that I have an army of the serialist serial killers at my fingertips. I have not noticed a bird that neighs but i avoid birds in general.

Yesterday i went on a fact finding mission to the seaside. I had chips n scraps and then a swirly 99. I then went in an arcade and put 2ps in the falling down machine. There was also one that took 10ps but i eschewed that.

Whilst at the arcade i did my best to look winsome and to laugh both skittishly and with tempered gay abandon. No one attempted to paedo me so I guess arcades really have changed. I'll try the bingo today.

DT i miss you too, my arse really is only held together my urban decay. All this fresh air and countryside will surely be it's final countdown. I ate laverbread yesterday which is made of seaweed. Thankfully it was fried. I'm on the lookout for H.

Witch re the weight loss advert. This is serious, you're being bullied. Was it a targeted attack do you think? Perhaps your neighbours had a secret meeting saying you were a fat bitch who was spoiling the look of their environ? Bastards.

You must instantly lard it up even more, don a bikini and sit in a striped deckchair on your front lawn. Piss on their 4x4s and yoga mats, the filthy whores.

As women we suffer greatly from our biology. All our problems would be over if we were able to direct our piss with precision. This is why men do nothing, they are too busy pissing up walls and aiming for piss targets.

We are victims, but no more. I have a business idea. Rocket propelled directional she wees. Our piss will be harder, faster, more powerful and more precise than anything nature intended.

The weaponised she wee will have settings. Maim, blind, kill, warning, Thinking of You.

The weird thread is on page 21 and winding down. And nominating themselves for classics. Ha!