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Original poster

Could I Be Being Groomed At 48 ?

228 replies

WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:46

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years.
He has always had an alternative sex lifestyle.
In the beginning I was besotted with him & went along with anything he suggested. Stupid I know now on hindsight.
We partook in threesomes & looking back I was always so off my tree I joined in.
He would always berate me after - I didn’t give him enough attention during the evening...
He was the sole instigator of any meets & will spend hours cultivating conversations so we meet the ‘right’ couple.
It’s always been for me - he always maintains he gets nothing out of it but we always argue for days after a meet as I’ve failed in some way.
I came home from work today to a list of instructions on the stairs regarding how I should be dressed to come upstairs etc.
I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.
I failed & now he keeps saying I can’t follow instructions.
He has also set up a met with one of his friends this weekend without any conversation.
I’m not stupid but I’m sat here now thinking- he is actually grooming me & i’ve let myself be led for his kicks
Is this possible?

OP posts:

SparklyMagpie · 18/04/2019 08:29

Glad you are safe OP x

Jellyonawonkyplate · 18/04/2019 08:51

This is possibly the most awful thing I have read in 10 years or so on MN. Also terrifying that there are people like him walking around and no-one has any idea how evil he is. Chilling.

Sewrainbow · 18/04/2019 08:54

Just adding to the chorus of get away. If you don't enjoy it and you were scared to go home then you have to leave. Good luck and be strong, you have your son and even your ex by the sound of it for support xx

FiremanKing · 18/04/2019 09:16

Sorry to be crude but the plastic sheet could be used to protect mattress from soiling if certain sexual practices are carried out. Willingly or unwillingly.

Op, I hope you are ok. You are entitled to your belongings and perhaps your son or ex could accompany you to retrieve them. Good luck in your new life.

Samind · 18/04/2019 09:28

How are you today OP?

sackrifice · 18/04/2019 09:47

It's good evidence in court isn't it?

'M'lord, she consented, she even bought the sheet we wrapped her body in before dumping her in the river, knowing it was going to be used for the rough sex. It just went wrong'.

CurtainsOpen · 18/04/2019 10:47

In court? In fiction more like.

titchy · 18/04/2019 11:00

Curtains there's been several recent defences made by men who murdered their partners that it was consensual rough sex that went wrong. It's sadly not fiction.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/04/2019 11:07

In court? In fiction more like

Sadly for these women, not fiction.

QueenBeex · 18/04/2019 11:08

If you read the link SpamChaudFroid posted on the previous page you'd see it really isn't fiction at all.

AppleBru · 18/04/2019 11:14

Fucking yes OP - freedom is today!!!

GiveMeFiveMinutes · 18/04/2019 11:59

I feel chilled to the bone reading this.

Fucking hell @WhoIsJonSnow , he is setting you up to be killed in a "sex game gone wrong"! Can you imagine, in court, how he would explain that you were totally in to it, you even bought the plastic sheet that was to be used..

I am so, so pleased to see that you are leaving him. Please do consider doing the freedom project, as I fear you might be vulnerable to being dragged back in to this situation.

Keep posting for support, there is always someone to listen on MN.

Good luck.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 18/04/2019 13:21

In court? In fiction more like.

Not even slightly.
See the case of the woman who was vaginally assaulted with a spray bottle. She ended up dying from her injuries. Her partner got away with it because he said she liked rough sex.

ItsAGo · 18/04/2019 13:29

OP, huge well done and today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make sure you only go back to collect things with your son/ex/big burly friend accompanying you. Then block and delete and let him know nothing about you. Then maybe in the future you can talk to the policies, not to press charges but to put down information in case he does something in the future. But maybe someone can give you better advice about that.

PeoniesandPretties · 18/04/2019 13:38

Good luck op, your amazing!

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 18/04/2019 13:45

Well done for getting out. That’s not usually how these threads play out so it’s heartening to see you taking the step to freedom.

Claw01 · 18/04/2019 13:46

I got the chills reading. Have you left OP?

seeingdots · 18/04/2019 13:46

This is horrible. He obviously wants you to adopt the role of sub and gets kicks out of making you have sex with other people of his choosing.

He has no respect for your boundaries or understanding what your preferences are. It's all about him. In that situation you are at risk, physically and emotionally. Time to leave him!

seeingdots · 18/04/2019 13:50

Should've RTFT, well done for getting the hell out of there!

CoisNaFarraige · 18/04/2019 14:02

I hope you are not under the same roof any more. Block him so he cant make you feel guilty and persuade you that you owe it to him to go back.

CoisNaFarraige · 18/04/2019 14:04

Phew i somehow missed that OP has left.

Milkn0sugar · 18/04/2019 18:14

Er WTF?! This is awful. Time to walk away from this abuser, OP. Do you have anywhere to go over the Easter break? Or maybe some cash to go to an Air B&B for a couple of weeks while you work out your next steps. So he decides that you're going to dress up for him as and when he commands, and sleep with his mates without discussion. Tell him that you are off to live an actual 'free life' - as he spins it - away from a controlling, nasty piece of work. Unless you think he's violent, then just leave when he's asleep or when he's out and never go back. Sending hugs and strength your way.

ohfourfoxache · 18/04/2019 18:50

Your posts have made me feel sick