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Original poster

Could I Be Being Groomed At 48 ?

228 replies

WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:46

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years.
He has always had an alternative sex lifestyle.
In the beginning I was besotted with him & went along with anything he suggested. Stupid I know now on hindsight.
We partook in threesomes & looking back I was always so off my tree I joined in.
He would always berate me after - I didn’t give him enough attention during the evening...
He was the sole instigator of any meets & will spend hours cultivating conversations so we meet the ‘right’ couple.
It’s always been for me - he always maintains he gets nothing out of it but we always argue for days after a meet as I’ve failed in some way.
I came home from work today to a list of instructions on the stairs regarding how I should be dressed to come upstairs etc.
I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.
I failed & now he keeps saying I can’t follow instructions.
He has also set up a met with one of his friends this weekend without any conversation.
I’m not stupid but I’m sat here now thinking- he is actually grooming me & i’ve let myself be led for his kicks
Is this possible?

OP posts:
IlluminatiConfirmed · 17/04/2019 22:41

By the way in true dom-sub relationships control is fully with the sub and not the dom. There is no place for "she doesn’t know about this" scenario in consensual BDSM. It's a red flag the size of this country - good job you've seen it for what it is. Good luck and stay strong x

booellesmum · 17/04/2019 22:45

Hope you are leaving now.
If you need to go back for anything make sure someone goes with you.
Wishing you all the best for a much better, safer future.

Persimmonn · 17/04/2019 22:46

Good luck op Flowers well done for leaving.

MotherOfDragonite · 17/04/2019 22:47

OP, you are brave and wonderful! You just sound like you know in your heart it's right to go, and you're making it happen. I wish you the best of luck.

SuperCoop3r · 17/04/2019 22:47

This is very very familiar. You've posted about this a few times before haven't you?

BlondeBumshelll · 17/04/2019 22:49

Good luck OP, stay strong Flowers

GinZing · 17/04/2019 22:50

Wow well done for getting away tonight. Your life is about to take a turn for the better! Flowers Stay strong OP don’t get pulled back into that shit.

AsleepAllDay · 17/04/2019 22:50

You don't enjoy it so it's not freeing you at all! Leave this bastard

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 17/04/2019 22:59

Good luck,stay strong

Absolutepowercorrupts · 17/04/2019 23:00

Another one here saying go now, I'm glad your ex has been able to support you.
Flowers
Best of luck op

Propertywoes · 17/04/2019 23:11

Good luck op.

yorkshirecountrylass · 17/04/2019 23:25

Good luck OP, you deserve absolutely every chance of a fresh start and happiness. Regardless of any dynamic this isn't some kind of Dom/sub relationship, he's an abusive pr**k thinly veiling his intentions under a masque of something that it's not. Get yourself out and safe, leave him and his "swinging"(sexually assaulting) friends to it

GodDammitAmy · 17/04/2019 23:58

I hope you're in a lovely cosy Premier Lodge now OP. Someone said upthread that you shouldn't feel bad, you should be happy now you are free. I hope you are in that place now. Good luck Flowers

ItsAGo · 18/04/2019 00:18

Huge massive well done on the realisation you need to leave tonight, and to your ex for helping. Even if someone I hated at work told me what you told me and asked me to help get them out, I would and have them stay the night to keep them safe or help with a hotel.

Your friends are right, you do deserve happiness.

Petalflowers · 18/04/2019 05:41

Red glitter - I agree. That sentence is chilling.

Well done ex! Glad you could turn to him for help.

Hope you are safe and well.

MyOtherProfile · 18/04/2019 07:00

Hope you got away safely OP.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/04/2019 07:48

I hope you're OK this morning, and I'm so glad you are leaving.

I don't mean to alarm you OP, but when I read this: "JonSnow doesn’t know about this but I think we need to give her the night we know she wants", and read about him wanting you to acquire a pvc sheet, I was thinking that a lot of men are now killing their partners and using "sex game gone wrong" as a defense, and getting away with it, the case with poor Natalie Connolly for example. Many are listed here. It makes depressing reading.

Good luck for today.

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 18/04/2019 07:51

I’ve never posted about this before.
I’m at work now & will be going to my sons when I finish.
I’ve got the long weekend to figure my future out.
I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to read everyone’s replies yet but will do later.
Thank you all

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2019 08:00

Thank you for letting us know you're ok JonSnow. I was worried about you.

justthecat · 18/04/2019 08:03

Well done for leaving 💐

Margot33 · 18/04/2019 08:06

Well done for leaving. I wish you all the best because you deserve so much better, please believe it. Sending hugs.

sackrifice · 18/04/2019 08:07

Thank fuck for that. Flowers

billybagpuss · 18/04/2019 08:10

Good luck tonight hope you have a good weekend.

Margot33 · 18/04/2019 08:18

@SpamChaudFroid I read your link. It made me cry. Awful.

Ilovemysleepthief · 18/04/2019 08:24

Stay safe, is there no way you can get him to leave so you keep the house if its yours?