Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Could I Be Being Groomed At 48 ?

228 replies

WhoIsJonSnow · 17/04/2019 19:46

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years.
He has always had an alternative sex lifestyle.
In the beginning I was besotted with him & went along with anything he suggested. Stupid I know now on hindsight.
We partook in threesomes & looking back I was always so off my tree I joined in.
He would always berate me after - I didn’t give him enough attention during the evening...
He was the sole instigator of any meets & will spend hours cultivating conversations so we meet the ‘right’ couple.
It’s always been for me - he always maintains he gets nothing out of it but we always argue for days after a meet as I’ve failed in some way.
I came home from work today to a list of instructions on the stairs regarding how I should be dressed to come upstairs etc.
I’m knackered- I just want to sit down.
I failed & now he keeps saying I can’t follow instructions.
He has also set up a met with one of his friends this weekend without any conversation.
I’m not stupid but I’m sat here now thinking- he is actually grooming me & i’ve let myself be led for his kicks
Is this possible?

OP posts:
IlluminatiConfirmed · 17/04/2019 22:41

By the way in true dom-sub relationships control is fully with the sub and not the dom. There is no place for "she doesn’t know about this" scenario in consensual BDSM. It's a red flag the size of this country - good job you've seen it for what it is. Good luck and stay strong x

booellesmum · 17/04/2019 22:45

Hope you are leaving now.
If you need to go back for anything make sure someone goes with you.
Wishing you all the best for a much better, safer future.

Persimmonn · 17/04/2019 22:46

Good luck op Flowers well done for leaving.

MotherOfDragonite · 17/04/2019 22:47

OP, you are brave and wonderful! You just sound like you know in your heart it's right to go, and you're making it happen. I wish you the best of luck.

SuperCoop3r · 17/04/2019 22:47

This is very very familiar. You've posted about this a few times before haven't you?

BlondeBumshelll · 17/04/2019 22:49

Good luck OP, stay strong Flowers

GinZing · 17/04/2019 22:50

Wow well done for getting away tonight. Your life is about to take a turn for the better! Flowers Stay strong OP don’t get pulled back into that shit.

AsleepAllDay · 17/04/2019 22:50

You don't enjoy it so it's not freeing you at all! Leave this bastard

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 17/04/2019 22:59

Good luck,stay strong

Absolutepowercorrupts · 17/04/2019 23:00

Another one here saying go now, I'm glad your ex has been able to support you.
Flowers
Best of luck op

Propertywoes · 17/04/2019 23:11

Good luck op.

yorkshirecountrylass · 17/04/2019 23:25

Good luck OP, you deserve absolutely every chance of a fresh start and happiness. Regardless of any dynamic this isn't some kind of Dom/sub relationship, he's an abusive pr**k thinly veiling his intentions under a masque of something that it's not. Get yourself out and safe, leave him and his "swinging"(sexually assaulting) friends to it

GodDammitAmy · 17/04/2019 23:58

I hope you're in a lovely cosy Premier Lodge now OP. Someone said upthread that you shouldn't feel bad, you should be happy now you are free. I hope you are in that place now. Good luck Flowers

ItsAGo · 18/04/2019 00:18

Huge massive well done on the realisation you need to leave tonight, and to your ex for helping. Even if someone I hated at work told me what you told me and asked me to help get them out, I would and have them stay the night to keep them safe or help with a hotel.

Your friends are right, you do deserve happiness.

Petalflowers · 18/04/2019 05:41

Red glitter - I agree. That sentence is chilling.

Well done ex! Glad you could turn to him for help.

Hope you are safe and well.

MyOtherProfile · 18/04/2019 07:00

Hope you got away safely OP.

SpamChaudFroid · 18/04/2019 07:48

I hope you're OK this morning, and I'm so glad you are leaving.

I don't mean to alarm you OP, but when I read this: "JonSnow doesn’t know about this but I think we need to give her the night we know she wants", and read about him wanting you to acquire a pvc sheet, I was thinking that a lot of men are now killing their partners and using "sex game gone wrong" as a defense, and getting away with it, the case with poor Natalie Connolly for example. Many are listed here. It makes depressing reading.

Good luck for today.

Original poster
WhoIsJonSnow · 18/04/2019 07:51

I’ve never posted about this before.
I’m at work now & will be going to my sons when I finish.
I’ve got the long weekend to figure my future out.
I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to read everyone’s replies yet but will do later.
Thank you all

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2019 08:00

Thank you for letting us know you're ok JonSnow. I was worried about you.

justthecat · 18/04/2019 08:03

Well done for leaving 💐

Margot33 · 18/04/2019 08:06

Well done for leaving. I wish you all the best because you deserve so much better, please believe it. Sending hugs.

sackrifice · 18/04/2019 08:07

Thank fuck for that. Flowers

billybagpuss · 18/04/2019 08:10

Good luck tonight hope you have a good weekend.

Margot33 · 18/04/2019 08:18

@SpamChaudFroid I read your link. It made me cry. Awful.

Ilovemysleepthief · 18/04/2019 08:24

Stay safe, is there no way you can get him to leave so you keep the house if its yours?

Swipe left for the next trending thread