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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 15/04/2019 22:02

I’m a childminder and have seen more ‘first days’ at school than most people. Honestly, your child will not need an audience watching her go in to school. Hopefully she will be fine, but if she gets anxious, nervous or upset on the day, it is not going to help her having to say goodbye to six people. Hard enough to say goodbye to one person in those circumstances, let alone grandparents. Our school is a two form entry, so 60 children plus all the older children- 300 children all trying to get into school, plus all the reception parents who don’t know what they are doing or where to go. Please don’t add extra people to get in the way, get the grandparents to come round for tea at the weekend when your child won’t be so shell shocked from the whole thing.

Stopyourhavering64 · 15/04/2019 22:10

Whoa....I've never heard of anything so ridiculous!
I've experienced first day of school with my 3 dcs, and on each occasion it was only me who took them to school....it's not a spectator sport and your dd will be overwhelmed by all the fussing

Richmond1972 · 15/04/2019 22:27

invite them all for a nice pre school breakfast or after school dinner and tell them school have said 2 family members per child to keep the mayhem to a minimum

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OhMyDarling · 15/04/2019 22:30

Too many people.
She will get performance anxiety as she faces the biggest day of her life so far. It’s cruel.

YouBumder · 15/04/2019 22:31

Why do you need all these people to see her start school in the first place?

Mommaof2x · 15/04/2019 22:36

This is crazy, it’s too much for her it’s better you or her dad or both of you warm her in and give her cuddles and make her feel comfortable. It’s not fair on the other kids to who have emotions going on. Never heard of something so funny Grin

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 15/04/2019 22:42

You are being unfair to your child and everyone else in the class if you allow this many people to turn up!
Imagine you are 4 years old and all these people turn up on this enormously stressful day and then leave you there, you will traumatize the poor child plus add to the hectic crush that is reception class with just the parents. You have to be firm, put your child first and tell them on no account must they turn up!

YouBumder · 15/04/2019 22:48

Sorry meant to say I agree with those who have said maybe have a wee tea party for the GP later so they can see her in her uniform

Witchend · 15/04/2019 22:55

Tell them she starts a week after when she does.

The number of children I've known who were really excited at this point of the year, but in pieces of the day is significant enough to say don't make too much of it.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 15/04/2019 22:59

Shock have a care for the other children, do you honestly think they want to start their first day of school being gawped at by 100 odd people?

ClitPower · 15/04/2019 23:07

I’m gobsmacked that you’d bring both sets of grandparents tbh!
I’ve never seen that before!

FiveLittlePigs · 15/04/2019 23:10

The GPs have done their first days at school with their children. I seriously doubt that you had an entourage walk you to school, did you! Don't let them muscle in on these parental moments as you never get that time back.

TowelNumber42 · 15/04/2019 23:11

If you turn up with more than you, DH and a sibling then I predict school will be asking you to stay behind for a firm telling off for being so dispruptive and thoughtless towards the school, your child and the other children.

grincheux · 15/04/2019 23:16

Oh dear OP, if they do still try to come after you've told them the school have put a two people max rule on (great thinking by the way!), and that if any more turn up you'll get a telling off, I don't know what to suggest. Sounds like a bigger, pushier problem than just who goes to the first day at school.

LightDrizzle · 15/04/2019 23:19

I was a confident and precociously articulate little girl. I couldn’t wait to get to school, a whole four years after my big brother.
I still remember the shock of walking in and seeing strangers. I hid under a cluster of four desks and it took the lovely teacher ages to coax me out!
If your family INSIST, then you know it’s all about them and not about your daughter. Please put her first and be strong.

saraclara · 15/04/2019 23:19

I don't get this " I didn't invite them, they invited themselves" thing.

You simply should have said, " it's lovely that you'd like to come, but sorry, it would be too much for her/the school won't want that"
I can't imagine letting grandparents invite themselves to anything, without question. They assumed, and you let them?

You're in control. Show it. They're going to walk all over you if you continue just accepting this sort of thing.

cestlavielife · 15/04/2019 23:21

Are you German?
www.babble.com/parenting/celebration-first-day-of-school-in-germany/

pusspuss9 · 15/04/2019 23:30

'Are you German?'
I wondered the same thing....

underneaththeash · 16/04/2019 00:28

It will be completely overwhelming for your LO.
Just send them a photo.

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/04/2019 00:50

invite them all for a nice pre school breakfast

Please don’t do this. The poor child needs a calm, low-key morning. Not four extra adults getting all weepy and emotional.

Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:52

It's a big day for Mum as well as child. Every fear you've ever had becomes multiplied for that first week. Will they make friends? What if they're not that bright? What if they cry? What if they miss me? What if they wet themselves? What if what if what if.
I remember dd's first day at school with a big smile.

We were allowed to bring them into the classroom for the first week (unless they were not settling). On dd's 2nd day, I hung her coat up on a coat thing and dd tutted and took it off and put it on her own allotted coat thing. Her teacher said 'You remembered Susan!'

I knew she had settled in then.

On her first morning though on the drive there, I recall her saying to me 'I might be a little bit shy Mammy'. My heart was in bits but I reassured her that all the other little boys and girls would also be a little bit shy and reminded her that when she went to her preschool she was shy but they were now her good friends'. Seemed to work for her, not for the knots in my tummy.

Infant classrooms are tiny. Fine when you've 20 infants, not so good if you've 20 adults and 20 infants. There's just no room.

Everything is tiny anyway, tiny desks, tiny chairs etc.

Fjfs · 16/04/2019 03:54

OP definitely go with the 'only 2 allowed at the school'.
Maybe let them come to pick-up.

MissTerryLady · 16/04/2019 03:56

Could you have a special lunch/dinner the following weekend to invite all these people and mark the occasion, rather than having any extra people go and watch her go in on her first day? That way grandparents (and the aunt) feel involved and your poor DD isn’t completely overwhelmed on her first day at school.

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 16/04/2019 08:55

When my grandson started school I would have liked to go. His mum was a teacher so she had her own class of kiddies to deal with so she couldn't go. His dad went and took his mum, the other grandparent, and I didn't go BECAUSE WE AGREED THAT OTHERWISE IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH! His other grandma had lived overseas for years and missed so many firsts it was only fair she went and I didn't. I wouldn't dream of muscling in.

itsabongthing · 16/04/2019 09:04

I didn’t realise this was a thing! (For grandparents etc to come)
Surely a photo taken in uniform on the door step that can be sent round family? Then just get on with it!