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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
imamearcat · 15/04/2019 20:55

Is this something people do!? I was just gonna take my kid on my own?

Original poster
Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 20:55

Have read everyone’s comments.. that has taken a while!

School starts in August. It has been brought up already as my daughter is really excited so of course I’ve spoken about it and I’ve told people how I’m so happy she’s excited.

These family members are inviting themselves! I have not invited them.

Unfortuntely I can’t use the congestion excuse as we are walking distance from the school but I will definitely say the school has said 2 max per child. Unfortunately some family members will probably still try and come after I arrive with DD as they are so nosey and can’t bear to miss anything.

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/04/2019 20:55

Jesus Christ, I hope it's not like that on my DS's first day in September. Which, by the way, is 4 months away - why are you already planning this mob-handed descent upon her school, which hasn't even been allocated yet?!

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likeridingabike · 15/04/2019 20:57

What is it with GPs now, wanting to be so involved in absolutely everything, they got to take their DC to school on their first day, they've had their moment, same for school plays, sports day etc. Taking GPs to parents evening, wow.

picklemepopcorn · 15/04/2019 20:57

How will your DD feel when all her family turn up then go home without her? She'll think she's missing out!
I took mine on their own, then went 'boring shopping, lucky you getting to stay at school'.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/04/2019 20:57

Is this something people do!? I was just gonna take my kid on my own?

Me too! Stop the insanity now, I say.

Mind you I would love to see my parents mystified faces if I suggested they should be there.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 15/04/2019 20:58

In fact pickup is more exciting because everyone can hear firsthand about her day. I think she'll be sad going in in the morning and leaving all her family outside.

Margot33 · 15/04/2019 20:58

You'll look very silly! Just take the child yourself. Maybe your grandparents can come for tea afterwards to find out about their day.

LearnToFly · 15/04/2019 20:59

OP I think these replies are hilariously over the top! We've taken grandparents on all our DC's first day at school, as have lots of other parents at our school. There are 3 classes each intake and all parents, gp's etc are taken into the school hall to wave the kids off to their new classroom. The kids loved it xx

Nicknacky · 15/04/2019 21:00

So just say no, you want it to be a day for you and your daughter.

Mumsymumphy · 15/04/2019 21:01

Wow since when was this a thing? Sure-fire way to completely overwhelm your DC! Grandparents watching? No! Don't be surprised if school say only 1 or 2 adults to accompany your child. It's for a good reason.

RomanyQueen1 · 15/04/2019 21:02

likeridingabike

It's a phenomenon, that's what it is. I just don't understand it, and I'm a grandma.
I stay at the back and wait to be invited and would refuse an invitation to something if it wasn't in dgc interest.
I've said no to FC visit this year, ds mentioned it, I said it's something he and ddil should do, and take a picture.

Dothehappydance · 15/04/2019 21:07

The whole family outing happens at my local school. It is actually really annoying as it makes the playground so busy, but then they tend to invite everyone and anyone to any school event.

ASmallMovie · 15/04/2019 21:09

Good lord. I think this is way over the top and, imho, sows the seeds for a prolonged delusion of specialness.
I took my kids on my own. No fanfare whatsoever but each to their own I guess.

MrsAmaretto · 15/04/2019 21:09

We have two families like this in my daughter’s class, every single occasion involves a minimum of 7 adults to watch one child. It looks utterly ridiculous.

YemenRoadYemen · 15/04/2019 21:10

as my daughter is really excited so of course I’ve spoken about it and I’ve told people how I’m so happy she’s excited.

Being exited about starting school months out is normal, and doesn't necessarily mean she won't be anxious or suddenly nervous on the day.

She may not be - hopefully she won't be - but she may, and just because she's exited now, doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's good to be prepared that this may be the case.

Get the GPs and great-aunts to come along at pick-up - that is a much more celebratory affair as the little ones are happy to see familiar faces by that point, tell all about their day, and you can take her off for afternoon tea, where she can tell everyone about it.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 15/04/2019 21:11

I’m saying this gently, but you really need to put your DD first here and tell all the relatives the actual truth - that an audience on her first day, alongside all the normal nerves and excitement, is too much pressure and they need to stay away. Don’t leave any room for people to turn up unannounced. Your DD is not there for their gratification, this is her first experience of school and she should have every opportunity for it to go as well as possible.

I once taught a lovely little boy in nursery, with a very involved and caring family, I liked them all very much. However, onhis first day, he was accompanied by his own parents and both sets of grandparents, all of whom were obviously very eager and invested. He totally crumbled, unsurprisingly, given he was the total focus of their attention and they were all offering hugs and well wishes, while he began a new experience and chapter in his life. It took him a long while to settle in, although that may have happened anyway, I really don’t think his first experience in the setting helped him get off to the right start.

There will be chances for your relations to walk DD to school once she has settled.

stucknoue · 15/04/2019 21:12

Parents only, or if both parents can't/won't be in same place, one grandparent would be ok. Seriously 5 is too many without the aunt!

AllTheFunAndGames · 15/04/2019 21:13

They could come to the house if you want but I wouldn't bring them all to the school.

widgetbeana · 15/04/2019 21:13

@Bobbycat754

I am speaking as a parent and a teacher here. (I also have a dd starting school in September so I do get it.)

  • the biggest thing to remember here is that you are setting a precedent for all future school events here. Often school plays you only get 2 or 3 tickets etc. So they need to get used to the idea quickly! Or they could end up causing you and your dd embarrassment.
  • it is a day which is exciting and a big moment, but it also sets the tone for your daughter going into school for the rest of the year! Make it a happy but light moment, fun and important, but not laden with emotion. In my experience grandparents tend to draw out these experiences and make the emotions larger (if you know what I mean)
  • finally, and I know it shouldn't do but teachers are human too, it gives the teacher an impression or judgement of you on that first day. Be it fair or otherwise. ( my example for this is in a previous school I taught, one little girl was really exhausted by lunchtime that first day, she said her mummy had got her up at 6 as a hairdresser, makeup artist and photographer were coming to make sure they had lovely photo memories. This mum cared very much for her child and wanted to make things perfect, but it gave an odd first impression)

So I guess I'm saying, be very clear and very firm. You must not come, please don't try to sneak down, lets all have a tea party at the end of first day/ first week instead. But be clear and consistent.

ItWentInMyEye · 15/04/2019 21:14

Don't let them do it or they'll forever expect to be there for school plays, sports days etc where some schools only allow 2 tickets etc.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 15/04/2019 21:14

This is about her, not you or family. It will be far calmer for her if you just don't make a big deal of it and take her yourself. Have extras at pick up perhaps

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 15/04/2019 21:15

Dear God! Even I didn’t go to my dd’s first day of school - I’m also a teacher so needed to be at my own school.

Your poor child will be hugely overwhelmed.

MsPickle · 15/04/2019 21:15

In Germany children start school with a Schultüte, a paper or cardboard cone filled with little treats; sweets, stickers, stationery that sort of thing. If people want to be involved you could suggest that sort of thing that they contribute to so they feel like they've "been part of it" but less overwhelmingly? My two loved theirs (and there's a little assembly where they show the school their cones in a little procession and the school welcome them. It's fab!)

hettie · 15/04/2019 21:16

Omg, you would have been given short shrift at DC's school, no one from day one (parent, grandparents or Jesus of Nazareth) was allowed in the building, we all just dropped off waved and left... There were loads of helpers and plenty of settling in half days so all fine