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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
barryfromclareisfit · 16/04/2019 11:57

I’ve never heard of such nonsense! Whoever is regular carer takes the child to school and picks them up. Plan an easy supper and early night. If you are the mum of a firstborn, organise something to keep you busy in school hours.

You are going to be an inconvenience to others, and look ridiculous, if you take the whole family.

MariaNovella · 16/04/2019 12:01

A child’s first day at school is not a family rite of passage. If you want to have family get togethers for occasions, there are christenings, confirmations etc

Thistles24 · 16/04/2019 12:35

Agree with everyone- 6 people is way too many to take to the school!!! I wouldn’t even have wanted them in the house before we left, it was nice to have a calm, organised start and take some photos before we left. Is it just a half day she’s doing first? Ask them round in the afternoon so they can hear all about it.

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bigKiteFlying · 16/04/2019 12:50

Have you asked what’s happening first day?

First primary school - they liked parents to find peg get their coats off and say quick goodbye - they wanted that all years - and year 1 let them go in by themselves - which several parents had issues with Hmm. My DC first days – when they cloak rooms were rammed -kids got very overwhelmed and no one ever took as many as 6 extra people along.

Current primary - parents don't get past doors - they get handed to staff other side of door and that's it. Door does get very crowded as parents don’t seem to disperse.

DN school they lined up on the playground and went in – extra people there are much less of an issue.

UpsyDaaaisy · 16/04/2019 12:50

I think OP has gotten the point now...

bigKiteFlying · 16/04/2019 12:52

it was nice to have a calm, organised start and take some photos before we left.

There is that too as I wouldn't have wanted extra people in the house getting the kids wound up - though quiet a few DGP met parents at the school on the playground - and some did have the sense not to all go into the cloak rooms.

happyhillock · 16/04/2019 13:06

When my grandaughter started school her mum and dad were there so were the 2 sets of grandparents, i wouldn't have missed her 1st morning at school for the world, It's not a family trip we wanted to be there give her a hug and tell her to have a good morning, she was delighted we were there and very excited, there were lots of other grandparents there to, us grandparents didn't go to house we met them at the school gates and only the mum and dad went into the school, i don't see the problem.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 16/04/2019 14:14

Oh god there were families like this in our primary school they were a complete PITA at every event.
DH is a teacher and never saw any of ours first day at school
He survived Grin

Hoppinggreen · 16/04/2019 15:13

To be fair to OP I don’t think she’s invited any of these people

werideatdawn · 16/04/2019 17:25

i wouldn't have missed her 1st morning at school for the world
It wasn't up to you. Being invited is different to doing whatever you want because it's your grandchild.

Myshinynewname · 16/04/2019 20:29

Another thing to keep in mind is how your dd is likely to feel when, after everyone has made a huge fuss of her, all her favourite people walk away together and leave her at school. Imagine her watching her smaller sibling leaving with her mum and all her grandparents and she has to stay with the teacher, who is basically still a stranger at that point. You are setting her up to miss you and find it far more difficult than it needs to be. School needs to look like the most exciting option when you leave, not second best.

GlomOfNit · 16/04/2019 20:46

Oh good god, is this a Thing now? Extended family members coming to the First Day of School? It's not a bloody sideshow!

OP, did any of these same family members insist on being in at the birth too (or there within mere hours of DD being born)? I've noticed this creeping in - there's a tide of entitlement and forced involvement of family members with milestones that really ought to be kept for just immediate family. It's as if people can't resist the temptation to live through someone else's life.

In this case, it's just inappropriate and unnecessary for your DD. It's
a potentially stressful and strange morning for her - who needs added complications? And like MyShinyNewName said, imagine how she might feel when her entire extended family then walk away.

luckylavender · 16/04/2019 20:47

It's too much for the school too. Imagine if everyone did that.

pinkgloves · 16/04/2019 21:26

Jesus Christ. We aren't even allowed near ds's school. School bus/parents drop off at the gate and goodbye!

Keeoe · 16/04/2019 21:42

Is this a new thing? Twenty years ago, child was dropped off at the gate for an AM or PM class and you turned up to pick them up. What on earth are all of those people going for? It sounds like a ludicrous state of affairs, frankly!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/04/2019 22:39

It's a bit different if the extra guests are walking to the gate and then leaving the parents + sibling to walk DD into the classroom/hall/playground. I think that's still a bit overkill on the relatives front but way better than all of you potentially crowding into a classroom. What about all the other children who are nervous and worried walking into a classroom full to the gills of adults. I honestly hope that DS is just dropped off at the classroom door in September. He's a super chatty and bubbly boy but a classroom full of 20+ kids and therefore at least 20 adults too, plus teachers and TA's is going to be overwhelming for him, I would not be impressed seeing a family of 6 turning it into an outing.

Mookie81 · 16/04/2019 22:40

I'm an early years teacher and they wouldn't have got through the door.
It's not just about your prince/princess, there's 30 odd other children to consider. Hmm
Its already murder getting all the parents out so you can actually get on with the first day!

Tinkoschminko · 16/04/2019 22:43

I really wouldn’t advise this. However, it’s lovely your little girl is so loved. Why not do a little family tea when she comes home?

AuchAyeTheNo · 16/04/2019 22:45

Drop the grandparents 6 is way too many. Think how crazy it would be if every child brought 6 people along, where do you think you’ll all fit??

AlexaAmbidextra · 16/04/2019 22:54

Why, oh why does everything these days have to be a huge event? I know I’m an old gimmer but in my day these things were just normal events. Now we have gender reveals, cake smashes for toddler’s birthdays, weddings like fucking film productions, sweet sixteens, school proms even for infants and now a travelling circus for a child’s first day at school. Are people really so desensitised and jaded that everything has to be wildly exaggerated, frenetic, social media worthy hoop-la? It’s all utter bloody madness. Confused

GreenTulips · 16/04/2019 23:14

AlexaAmbidextra

I think I’ve found a friend! Wine

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 16/04/2019 23:15

Amen @AlexaAmbidextra

Amen

Troels · 17/04/2019 17:34

@AlexaAmbidextra Spot on.

SnapesGreasyHair · 17/04/2019 17:41

If you tell them that school has said "2 max" then they'll put the pressure on you to allow each of them to be your "plus one".

Lottaberry · 17/04/2019 17:43

Yeah I also think it might make her anxious (if she's the type to be anxious) even having 6 people there but if she's the outgoing type, then 6 or 9 won't make a difference to her I don't think.