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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
EggplantVestibule · 17/04/2019 17:47

Another Early years teacher (used to be a reception teacher), echoing what Snooki's said, please do not bring that many people with you. Seriously, if every child had six adults with them, assuming a two form intake would be 360 people, plus 60 children!! It is difficult enough to get every child in on the first day even when we limit the number of adults per child to two. Can you imagine how overwhelming 360 adults would be to those children? I understand that it is a lovely milestone for the family, but your child is not the only child to consider and IMO I feel that you are being rather selfish and unfair to all the other children.

Can the grandparents now wave her off at home?

EggplantVestibule · 17/04/2019 17:48

Excuse my poor grammar, my phone is not playing ball!

golddustwomen · 17/04/2019 17:50

I would definitely just go you and your other kids. 6 is way to many. My dd started nearly 2 years ago and all the children just had either 1 or 2 parents and younger siblings there.
My dd was so excited for months leading up to it but on that first day she had a complete wobble, if your dd is anything like mine then having grandparents there would have made her wobble worse I think.

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waterygrass · 17/04/2019 17:51

6 will feel heavy handed once you're there op. Obligatory photo of pupil in uniform on doorstep will suffice for grandparents

nutsfornutella · 17/04/2019 18:03

You need to say no to this madness. Take dd, her sibling and your h (if he becomes available) and leave the entourage at home. It's really inappropriate to being so many extra people and will increase the pressure on your dd.

GimmeBread · 17/04/2019 18:10

My MIL turned up at the door on my DDs first day despite me telling her not to. I was furious! She tagged along, literally, as I was storming ahead and it ruined my day with her. Because that's the memory I have - me being furious and granny being upset. DD didn't notice thankfully and ran in quite cheerfully!

likeridingabike · 17/04/2019 19:11

There will be plenty of opportunities for GPs to do pick ups over the years, I would seriously advise setting boundaries, or you'll set an expectation that they're going to be there for everything in future and while it may seem nice now, it wears thin.

ignatiusjreilly · 18/04/2019 15:17

I have in-laws like this, wanting to muscle in on absolutely every event in my children's lives.

I've got better at handling it over the years. You've had great advice already on this thread, but to add my tuppence-worth:

Don't tell them the school have said 2 people max. in case they ring and check for themselves.

Better to tell the truth: say you've been chatting to a teacher (you have on here!) and they recommended you keep it as low key as possible for your DD's sake. So it'll just be you and the younger sibling on the first day.

Any arguments, just repeat calmly that you're going to do what's best for your DD.

Guyliner · 18/04/2019 15:34

If 30 children bring 6 adults each plus siblings that's over 200 people in 1 classroom

That's exactly what I was thinking! Madness and scary for the kids.

NewFoneWhoDis · 18/04/2019 15:51

Surely that's what facebook and whatsapp are for. Circulate a few nice photos, job done.

Restrict it to you and your DC.

Kinraddie · 18/04/2019 16:35

Give the OP a break; she's said way down the thread that she'll speak to the GPs and tell them they can't all come. She's got the message!!

NoKnit · 18/04/2019 20:37

I haven't read all the replies but I will say that this is a cultural thing.

Where I live and I think in many other European countries starting school (age 6-7) is a huge thing, like an 18th birthday or a wedding and is a huge party. So it is only natural that all grandparents come and aunties also not abnormal

MsTSwift · 18/04/2019 20:45

I am normally level headed and non dramatic and dropped dd1 at school briskly and cheerfully she was apprehensive but fine. However I was not!I dashed home and just about made it before I cried and cried haven’t cried like that since (she’s 12). Was fine with dd2 first day but something really got to me end of our family’s pre school years. So I certainly would not have wanted other adults there.

YemenRoadYemen · 18/04/2019 20:58

That's why it helps to read the thread before posting, NoKnit.

If it was a cultural thing, do you really think the OP would be asking about the appropriateness of it?!

LindsayDentonsCat · 18/04/2019 21:08

Even if your child isn't overwhelmed by this, think of other children who may well be. It is hard enough for many tiny four year olds to walk through 30 parents to get to the door on the first day, imagine if everyone had six people with them! It isn't fair to your child, the other children, or the school for a family to have 6 people there. Please don't.

poglets · 19/04/2019 04:08

Starting school is a moment that a child takes their next step, and moves on a little from you to greater independence. It's a moment for you as a parent/their primary caregivers, not wider family. Also, very inconsiderate to the other parents in some ways.

MyOtherProfile · 19/04/2019 04:28

Where I live and I think in many other European countries starting school (age 6-7) is a huge thing, like an 18th birthday or a wedding
Interesting. I've learned from thos thread that in Germany people give sweets and stuff so it seems bigger but I've taught in two European countries other than UK and it definitely wasn't the case in those. In fact while technically the children start school at 6 - 7, almost all of them have really been in that same school full time since before they were 3 so it's not really anything to move up.

MLMsuperfan · 19/04/2019 05:07

It's like on X Factor when they have 20 family supporters waiting outside the audition rooms.

You could even make banners.

NWQM · 19/04/2019 10:17

@MLMsuperfan banners 😂

AmazingBouncingFerret · 19/04/2019 10:47

How about you wait and call them up three years into your daughters schooling when it’s mid February and pissing it down with rain. See how eager they’ll be to do the school drop off then!

AuntMarch · 19/04/2019 10:58

Intimidating for the other children to have so many unfamiliar adults present - and OPs child gets left at school while sibling leaves with parent and all grandparents... Way to make a kid feel abandoned!

SoyDora · 20/04/2019 08:15

How about you wait and call them up three years into your daughters schooling when it’s mid February and pissing it down with rain. See how eager they’ll be to do the school drop off then!

Grin I have a 3 year old and a baby as well as the one at school, so when it’s pouring with rain I do phone my dad to do pick up/drop off sometimes. He does it happily Grin. Didn’t come to her first day though and wouldn’t have dreamed of inviting himself, thankfully!

Mississippilessly · 20/04/2019 09:58

Ok I imagine the OP has got the message now!

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