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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 15/04/2019 21:16

Photographer and hair dresser?! What madness is that?!

OwnerOfThatChocolateBar · 15/04/2019 21:17

That is just ridiculous! Her parents should be dropping her off and that's it. Nothing like making her more anxious than it needs to be

likeridingabike · 15/04/2019 21:19

RomanyQueen1 I've noticed with younger nieces and nephews it's just become a whole thing with GPs tagging along to every little event. Even at secondary school events (not even shows, just information evenings) people arrive with a posse. Is it the parents lacking confidence to parents on their own or GPs actively wanting to be over involved ?? If you're going to invite GPs along to the first day at school you are really setting a precedent.

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shellysheridan · 15/04/2019 21:20

Please state firmly that it will be just you. From experience, this is the only thing that works. They will possibly make excuses and maybe even ring the school to check the only two person policy! You need to stop this now. As I said earlier, they will try to come to everything and it's too much. I've learnt and achieved this bit it's taken time

Crunchymum · 15/04/2019 21:20

OP, sounds like you have yourself a pushy parent / PIL?

Is it the MIL who will just turn up even if you tell her the school wont allow it???

Belleende · 15/04/2019 21:20

FFS it's not a spectator sport. Your first and only priority should be making sure you do everything possible to help your daughter manage this big change. I don't see how you can do this whilst also managing a host of relatives. This day is about her, not them or you. It will be hectic enough as it is. Imagine if everyone turned up with six plus people in tow. Do you think that number of people will make it harder or easier for the kids?

Have a tea party when she gets home, but don't bring a tribe to the school. It is really quite ban arseholish thing to do.

tablelegs · 15/04/2019 21:22

6 people came to my sons first day of school, I told them NOT to come because it's too much and I wanted it to seem normal to my son but they all turned up anyway.

6 is too much. My son was fine but I wouldn't have been surprised if it made him anxious. I felt anxious with that amount. It was absolutely ridiculous.

Studentnurse1981 · 15/04/2019 21:22

Its ridiculous u taking both sets of grandparents.

Studentnurse1981 · 15/04/2019 21:23

Just u and dh is all that needs to go .

Tunnockswafer · 15/04/2019 21:25

My son was excited about starting school but then really apprehensive on the day itself. I tried to keep it low key and we got into school without tears - unlike quite a lot of other children. You are not thinking of your dd here OP it’s not an excuse for a family outing.

Dothehappydance · 15/04/2019 21:25

We are just drop and wave too, tbh it is a bit dull so I am not sure why anyone would want to make a special event out of it. (But they do)

Hopefully DD2 will be at a new school in September, so will have to see how that goes.

MumUnderTheMoon · 15/04/2019 21:26

I agree that even 6 is a bit much. My family just sends photos of the first day.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/04/2019 21:26

Either way, in answer to your actual question, bringing 5 totally uneccesary relatives is really no more ridiculous than bringing 4, so if you are really set on doing this, you may as well let the auntie in too!

Chickoletta · 15/04/2019 21:27

Utterly bonkers even without the great auntie. Why are you making such a big deal of this? Most parents try to keep it low key to reassure the child.

BikeRunSki · 15/04/2019 21:30

For the first time in 10 years, this thread has made me relieved that DM and my PILs all live several hundred miles away.

On DS’s first day at school, I took him. Dd cane too because she was 2 years old! DH was working away, he FaceTimed him in the morning and when he got in (about 2 mins later!).

StoorieHoose · 15/04/2019 21:30

My dd freaked out on her first day due to the frankly ridiculous number of adults who attended with some of her classmates. Can you imagine being that wee surrounded by tall adults crammed into a classroom when you are already nervous/excited

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 15/04/2019 21:30

Blindly, I've got 5 and it was just me for 4 of them on their first day at school. My now ex came for DC2 because he was starting a special school out of town, and for the first day we took him and picked him up, after that he was going on transport.

I can't imagine anything worse than trying to drop my kid off or pick them up amongst hoards of grandparents and other random family members in the playground.

Catsandbootsandbootsandcats · 15/04/2019 21:30

Blindly was supposed to blimey! Hmm

Ragwort · 15/04/2019 21:31

Seriously are people really this bonkers that you all accompany the child to school on the first day? You will cringe with embarrassment in the future when you look back on this, for goodness sake, all of you need to get some hobbies.

viques · 15/04/2019 21:39

Please don't do this, send a photo of her in her school uniform to the grandparents, honestly that's enough.

You can't all turn up at the school, it will look ridiculous, will bloth the playground/gates/pavement for everyone else and won't actually help your daughter.

Ideally I wouldn't take the sibling either, knowing you are going home with the sibling while she stays in school might just be the thing that makes her have a wobbly moment. Maybe one of the grandparents could stay at home with the sibling while you do the school run.

CripsSandwiches · 15/04/2019 21:41

Oh my! I thought we were quite OTT - DH came with me to drop both of ours on their first day, but hoards of grandparents and great aunts is something else!

Blackboot1 · 15/04/2019 21:45

Both parents don't even go here. 1 parent, the less fuss the better.

Decormad38 · 15/04/2019 21:48

Oh dear what a performance. That poor child is going to seem odd from day 1. What are you the Von Trapps?

SoyDora · 15/04/2019 21:56

6 people came to my sons first day of school, I told them NOT to come because it's too much and I wanted it to seem normal to my son but they all turned up anyway

I can’t believe people have the cheek to turn up when they’ve been explicitly told not to by the parent 🙈. Bonkers.
DD1 started last year. At her school you aren’t allowed into the classroom, they line up on the playground and the teacher leads them in. There was me, DH and DD2 on her first day and I thought that was maybe overkill! We actually had the IL’s staying with us from abroad that week for an unrelated reason, and as retired teachers themselves they would dreamt of tagging along in the playground.
Actually I can’t recall there being any grandparents there, just either one or two parents.

viques · 15/04/2019 22:00

Block, not bloth. This story reminds me o when I went to a and e with a query broken writ's. There were families there with multiple adults and young kids racing around, banging into people, taking up all the seats , it was like a day out at a very poor theme park.

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