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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
ASundayWellSpent · 15/04/2019 20:34

Way too much. Even if both parents were available, only one of us would go with DD I think. We said grand parents could come after school for sandwiches and a quick chat, knowing how tiring and emotionally overwhelming the start of school can be for little ones! Put HER needs first, not what the rest of your family and you would think is "nice"

Usuallyinthemiddle · 15/04/2019 20:36

Unless she's off to Hogwarts and you get to see her run through Platform 9 3/4. In which case, I'll come too!

MulticolourMophead · 15/04/2019 20:37

My DC are teens now, but even a few years ago we had letters when they started school to say 2 adults max for the first day. Clearly the school had previous experience of too many adults at the school on the first day.

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OddBoots · 15/04/2019 20:37

If other family members want to be involved maybe they could help with a German Schultüte for when she gets home on the first day.

Mummyamy123 · 15/04/2019 20:40

I understand you’re excited.........but you may be a laughing stock if 6 of you turn up to watch her walk into school........

Also, does she start school in SEPTEMBER? That’s in five months you know?

MyOtherProfile · 15/04/2019 20:41

Poor child! Don't set a precedent for the rest of her childhood.

In my experience children often take starting big school much more in their stride than adults do. Unless you turn it into a marathon event by gathering an entire audience. Let them come a couple of days later for tea after school.

Katinkka · 15/04/2019 20:43

Lol this is bonkers.

OneDayillSleep · 15/04/2019 20:45

I’m imagining a class of 30 children each bringing their extended family to “watch them walk in”. I mean seriously how big is the school that there would be space for 180 people to stand watching a bunch of children walk into a building?! Can’t you just take her yourself without the entourage?

Hoppinggreen · 15/04/2019 20:46

bobby time to set some boundaries.
This is your child and while it’s loveky to have family support and nice that they want to be a part of your daughters life they have no right to make demands
I get the impression that they have invited themselves and you are worried about their reaction when you tell them it’s not appropriate. Blame the school this time but you are going to have to be firmer with them if you dontbwant a riot on your hands when there is only 1 spare place at The Nativity!

ALLMYSmellySocks · 15/04/2019 20:46

I agree with PP - two parents would be the absolute maximum to drop a child on their first day of school. Maybe have a tea party at the end of the first week if the relations are desperate to celebrate the event.

grincheux · 15/04/2019 20:48

I guess you could make something up about the school issuing a notice about 'traffic concerns' or something and they've politely requested that only parents and legal guardians drop kids off on their first day to ease congestion... It's a cop out, but might take the edge off a bit.

MummyofTw0 · 15/04/2019 20:48

I think you're going to make a spectacle of your daughter if you turn up with all the grandparents

GunpowderGelatine · 15/04/2019 20:48

Bloody hell OP, nothing interesting happens on their first day of school they just walk in the building why are you bringing grandparents?! It's just gonna freak the poor thing out, first days are hard enough!

HiHoney · 15/04/2019 20:48

It's all a bit weird to be honest. You only need one person to take her to School. It's a bit excessive. It takes 10 minutes max to drop a kid off at school.

Spotsandstars · 15/04/2019 20:49

That is a ridiculous amount of people! Completely unfair on your child. Take it from someone whose child started in September, quiet and calm is the way to go, just you and no one else should go.

YemenRoadYemen · 15/04/2019 20:50

Definitely tell everyone the school has said two people accompanying, max.

To back this up, you can subtly and implicitly encourage everyone to get their heads out of their arses for two moments, and consider the actual person concerned for a second. Your DD.

Does everyone really think they are being helpful here? Or are they only thinking of themselves and the great craic to be had by bowling up, en masse, and invading the classroom and all the little ones's space, making them far more anxious than they need to be.

Drum2018 · 15/04/2019 20:50

Well I commend your family for their forward planning. Doesn't school start in September? Just tell them that none of them can come with you on your dds first day as it is parents/guardians only. Don't get into further discussion about it. Let them tag along to collect her if they must, but have them stay outside school grounds. It all sounds a bit ott.

GunpowderGelatine · 15/04/2019 20:51

And I don't want to sound harsh but, as someone who works in a school, it's annoying as fuck when on a hectic first day back in September too many relatives clog up the entrance/classroom/coatroom etc. There are other children there who will be, for the first time, navigating where to hang their coats, finding their tray, saying hello to the teacher, all whilst being a bag of nerves. Please do have a bit of consideration, 4 surplus adults take up a lot of space and with respect it's not about them and what they want.

Sarahjconnor · 15/04/2019 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YemenRoadYemen · 15/04/2019 20:52

Have the whole convoy come along for pick up, if they must, and if it's a way of placating them.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 15/04/2019 20:52

God almighty, way to make this into a MASSIVE THING - why can’t you just drop her off yourself? You are her parent after all!

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 15/04/2019 20:52

Agree with pp. If you have to have this amount of people then pick up is better. No to GA, invite her for pick up on Friday if necessary to keep the peace.

Creatureofthenight · 15/04/2019 20:52

Bloody hell you can’t just rock up with an entourage. I would say taking both sets of GPs is bordering on ridiculous.

sparklefarts · 15/04/2019 20:52

Jesus Christ six is bonkers let alone any more.

Imagine if all the kids came with six adults. It's mental.

McP13 · 15/04/2019 20:53

We had 6 people for my sons first day at school. Both sets of grandparents came, but my nephew started the same day so they saw both kids. The grandparents came and watched them go into school and stayed in the play ground, didn't come into class. I would ask relative to come one day with you to do pick up and maybe towards end of the week. Ask your DD what she thinks.