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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
RedBerryTea · 15/04/2019 19:55

You do realise you're going to look ridiculous arriving as a posse?

woolduvet · 15/04/2019 19:57

I'd ban them all, she just needs normal and easy not fussing over. Tell everyone they can have a picture.
Sorry but you will look like ' that mum' if you turn up en masse.

SileneOliveira · 15/04/2019 19:57

with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

That's ridiculous. 6 people - 5 adults and a child - traipsing along to school to take pictures and oooh and ahh about how cute she is? Crazy. I always wondered why our school sends out letters reminding people on the first day of school it's 2 adults per child max and that they'll be expected to say goodbye in the playground, not in the classroom. Now I know why. Because people treat it like a landmark birthday, Christening or something.

Jeezo.

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LordWheresMyShoes · 15/04/2019 19:57

What?? Just take her yourself.

How about a little tea party after school, if these people simply must see her on her first day?

Jingzhou · 15/04/2019 19:57

I went by myself with dd on her first day as I wanted to calmly be able to focus on her. My mum came as stayed with me so she could look after dd2 and my dh went to work so that the day was as normal as possible.

There were people with video cameras and trying to get photos with the teacher. It was ridiculous. It was startling to see the difference in the way people handled it.

I teach EYFS now and there wouldn’t be room for you to bring six people. We had a grandmother this year with the mother and even that was thought to be OTT.

whiskybysidedoor · 15/04/2019 19:58

You are going to get some very honest answers on here about taking so many people!!

Really don’t though. You are going to look a bit silly and everyone will notice. It will make your daughter more nervous and also wind up the other parents as your tribe will get in the way.

Just think people are being honest now so you don’t make a fool out of yourself! 1 or 2 adults MAX.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 15/04/2019 19:59

The first official day at school can be quite daunting for little ones and having so many people there may cause it to be even more overwhelming.

I would say 2 people is plenty in this case. If a new class of 30 had 180 relatives turning up it to wave them in it would cause a few access issues at the school gate never mind if they actually wanted to take them into the school itself.

flowery · 15/04/2019 20:00

Good grief, please don’t bring anyone other than yourself and younger DC. Having two sets of grandparents tagging along will provoke an awful lot of eye-rolling from teachers/other parents, even if you don’t see them doing it.

RomanyQueen1 · 15/04/2019 20:00

I just took ours as dh had to work. Would never have thought to invite gp's they've done all their firsts with their own children, how weird.
So 6 people are going to turn up, I hope she can manage all that goes with these 6 people and nervousness at starting school.
Good luck Grin

Original poster
Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 20:01

Appreciate the honest answers... just so everyone knows I’m not wanting all of these relatives to come, it’s them that want to come! I’d be happy to go myself with my younger daughter.

I will speak to them all and hope they understand

OP posts:
AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 15/04/2019 20:01

It’s my first child and both of her grandparents would love to see her go in... I don’t have a problem with that at all.

......no, but her teacher might. Each child having two people with them is bad enough, but if they all took grandparents as well there'd be over 200 people!

saraclara · 15/04/2019 20:01

I'm so glad you're reconsidering! That plan was insane! Take her on your own, and keep it low key. Take a photo of her in her uniform and send it to the GPs. At most, have them meet her after school. But even that might be tough for her. It'll have been a big thing for her, and she'll want to decompress when she gets home.

But six people to take her in?! Thank goodness that's off the table. Tell them all that it's parent only.

multiplemum3 · 15/04/2019 20:04

Imagine bringing a whole crew just to take your kid to school 😂

MySecondBestBroomstick · 15/04/2019 20:05

Just to forewarn you OP, that last term before they start school can be a bit overwhelming for DC with everyone, all the time, talking to them about how exciting big school will be etc etc. Everyone's just doing it to be nice but it adds up . Then there are settling sessions, then a 6 week break which is a lifetime for a 4 year old - it's all a bit of a rollercoaster. You might need to protect your DC from all this well-meaning enthusiasm of the adults around her.

Thebatmother · 15/04/2019 20:06

I agree with the general view that 2 sets of GPs is too much. It builds the first day up into a huge occasion which may well freak your DD out . All those adults focussing on her is potentially overwhelming. I sent DGD a good luck on your first day at school card and hoped that wasn’t building it up too much. I’d not have asked or wanted to go along though. The less drama the better. There are nice things that relatives can do though - perhaps a ‘have a great day’ message or some nice pencils/pencil case etc she can take with her. Once she’s settled it’d be nice maybe for one of the GPs to go with you for drop off or pick up. But you can’t have 6 adults clogging up the place 😱

Runmybathforme · 15/04/2019 20:07

Never heard of anyone doing this, probably because it’s nuts. Picking her up would be better, too much of a circus for her first morning.

flowery · 15/04/2019 20:08

”I will speak to them all and hope they understand”

Just blame it on the school- say you’ve had a letter stating that only parents/carers should bring children on their first day. That way they can’t get cross with you. Smile

ChicCroissant · 15/04/2019 20:08

That's far too many people, your poor daughter!

Do a tea party at home if you have to have them round, but only you and her siblings (I see your DH is away) to take her there in the morning.

JuniperNarni · 15/04/2019 20:09

Just take a nice picture of her in her uniform with her bag that you can print off for everyone.

I like the idea of the little tea party after school, but even that I think might be overwhelming for the first day, it's a lot to take in for a young child and she's likely to be tired, maybe after a couple of days and she can tell them all about her teacher and her new friends.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 15/04/2019 20:11

I will speak to them all and hope they understand

Do, or you will be known, for the whole rest of her school time, as that parent that had all the grandparents on the first day!
GP have already taken their own children for the first day of school, this is not a time they need to be there.
(Still bitter that I couldn’t see DC first nativity, the only time DC had a speaking role, sang and had a special mention by the head, due to all the GPs. It was so awful the school insisted, for every event after, only 2 adults per child-too little too late)

ChipsAreLife · 15/04/2019 20:11

We had pre school parents evening recently. One family bought both sets of GPs. They settled in and asked loads of questions which meant it overan and we had to miss our slot. I was pretty pissed off.

It will be the same here, taking up space etc. Ask them to pick up one day, they'll get more out of that

Sirzy · 15/04/2019 20:12

You also have to think of the impact so many adults around would have on the other children, many of whom will already be petrified.

We had major problems getting Ds into school in the early days because of over fussing parents and relatives filling the cloakroom

Disfordarkchocolate · 15/04/2019 20:13

I've never heard or seen more than one or two people taking a child to school on their first day if might make your child more nervous. How about they come for tea and cake when they come home?

Cherrysherbet · 15/04/2019 20:14

I took my children on my own for their first day at school (and cried all the way home each time!). I didn’t want to overwhelm them. Sorry op, but I think 6 people is too many, and unnecessary.

Love51 · 15/04/2019 20:15

If someone really needs to be part of it, could they mind the sibling? Explain that it really isn't a spectator sport.

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