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Original poster

Relative inviting herself to DD first day of school

273 replies

Bobbycat754 · 15/04/2019 19:33

Hi all, not sure if I’m being mean or not so some opinions please Smile

My DD is starting school this year. My partner will be away at work and with my DD on her first day will be myself, both sets of grandparents and my younger child.

A relative (my DD great aunt who she doesn’t see very often) who lives far away told me yesterday that she will be coming up to see her on her first day. If she comes, this means at least 2 other family members will be tagging along too which would make 9 people. It will already be the 6 of us. I think this is too much people to be dragging along to a child’s first day at school, I don’t want my daughter feeling overwhelmed.

I am going to mention to DD great aunt about coming up at the end of the week instead or the following week so we can get settled in to school with her.. but I know she won’t be happy.

Am I being mean in telling her no for the first day or should I let her come?

OP posts:
WoWsers16 · 15/04/2019 20:15

As a teacher I would not want someone bringing 6 adults with them on their first day- that is crazy and not fair on the other children and their adults.
School cloak rooms and classrooms are not big places and I think 6 adults for one child would be too much x

Usuallyinthemiddle · 15/04/2019 20:16

Will they be waving flags? Are you Kate Middleton?
Really, lovely thought but bat shit! Xx

Fjfs · 15/04/2019 20:17

Haha, I remember my dsis ringing me to speak to dd on her first day. DD surveyed the situation with all her future buddies playing with the toys around her and said 'I gotta go now. I'm at school'.

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shellysheridan · 15/04/2019 20:18

Op, my ds1's both sets of grandparents want to come to everything. Sports days, first days of school, birthday parties. It's too much, embarrassing and over the top for ds.

It's nice they like being involved but you need to set the scene early on. Just say it's too much and will be just you and your other daughter. You could always FaceTime before leaving home. I'm happy to pm you with advice more detailed if you like. I understand.

Silvercatowner · 15/04/2019 20:19

Is this a thing now? My two's first day at school were no different to any day at school - I just took them.

Good grief I feel old.

Fjfs · 15/04/2019 20:19

It was just me who brought her. Only one child's parents had two - Mum & Dad. Everyone else was just the Mum.

TheInvestigator · 15/04/2019 20:20

My parents saw us off at the house. So they got to see the boys and take some photos of them heading off to school, but it was just me at the school gates and walking them in. All the other kids in the classes had just 1 or 2 people.

You're going to look ridiculous and your child is going to be even more worked up. And you won't be able to enjoy it because you'll be having to navigate your whole family into and out of the school and you'll be the one having to chivvy them along when it's time to leave, rather than enjoying seeing your kid off.
If the kid gets upset, she's going to have 6 people running in to cuddle her... that makes it worse!
What an idiotic idea.

shellysheridan · 15/04/2019 20:20

*by birthday parties, I mean ds1's friends parties. They are welcome to come to his parties!

Serin · 15/04/2019 20:20

Why dont you ask them to contribute to the cost of a limousine or horse drawn carriage for her instead?

HollowTalk · 15/04/2019 20:20

I'd think she was on police protection if there were so many people with here. Grin

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/04/2019 20:21

This is ridiculous. Our head of infants would definitely be having a word if 6+ adults turned up to accompany a single child on what is already a very busy and sometimes stressful day. Agree with pp's suggestions to maybe have a small tea party when she gets home from school if you must, but this kind of OTT performance will not be a good way for your DD to start her school life.

GarthFunkel · 15/04/2019 20:21

Why not have them waiting at yours when you come home with her?

Seriously, don't overwhelm her before she goes in on her first day, and I wouldn't even have an army to collect her in case it's all been too much for her.

Fjfs · 15/04/2019 20:22

DD had wanted to be at 'big' school since she knew what it was. She wanted to have a uniform and a lunch and books. She told everyone she was a 'student' when she started school. Cute times.

Maybe have the relatives for a photo shoot on the morning, but only you and DH actually bring dc inside the school.

category12 · 15/04/2019 20:23

Whaaaat? You need to tell them all to stay home.

Ridiculous to have that many people going. It's not appropriate, it'll be a nuisance to the school, and it's plain daft and overbearing.

Tell them to stay home and you'll send them pictures.

Nicknacky · 15/04/2019 20:24

Not to mention it’s months away. It’s only April!

Why is this even getting discussed this early? (And yes, it’s far too many people)

Crunchymum · 15/04/2019 20:25

What do you mean you hope they understand? Surely you get to make the decision?????

I am wondering how 5 adults do not understand that them all taking her in on her first day is a) completely OTT and unnecessary and b) probably going to overwhelm the poor little thing and make any angst or worry she has, a lot worse.

Yabbers · 15/04/2019 20:26

3 or 4 is even too much. Just you will be quite enough.

At our school the parents went into the class with them on day 1. If everyone brought 3 or 4 there would be no room at all.

Ellieboolou27 · 15/04/2019 20:26

Our primary has 2 adults max per child, plays, first day, Christmas concerts, all 2 max. Otherwise it’s be madness!

Usuallyinthemiddle · 15/04/2019 20:27

If everyone did that, there would be 180 people dropping off 30 kids!!!!! Plus 30 Great Aunts... Grin

Nuttyaboutnutella · 15/04/2019 20:28

My son isnt starting school for a couple of years yet (nursery next year). I've already told DP that it will be only us taking him. His parents live too far away but my mum might want to tag along but she'll be very weepy and make it a big deal, too overwhelming for DS. He will need it as low key as possible. She can come with me to collect him once he's settled after a week or two.

Also I wouldn't have a tea party afterwards, she'll be exhausted after school and just want to come home and chill out. Far too much going on for her. Just tell grandparents that school have said only 1 or 2 adults.

AuntieMaggie · 15/04/2019 20:28

Tbh the classrooms are tiny and even 2 adults for each child is a squeeze especially when you add in the younger siblings the parents have with them! Just take her on your own with your other DD

sighrollseyes · 15/04/2019 20:29

Crazy! Why are the grandparents going? OTT!

HopeOverAnythingElse · 15/04/2019 20:29

6 people is madness. You want to make her feel safe and like school is a normal, regular thing. Not all her family waving her off and whipping up hysteria.

Honestly, the emotional nonsense in playgrounds on day one can be a bit much; don't take an extra five people to add to it.

Surely the grandparents can take turns to drop her off another day, or pick her up? It's about your child, not the adults.

eurochick · 15/04/2019 20:33

It will be overwhelming for her.

It's highly unlikely anyone other than parents will be there for other children.

You will all be in the way of the teachers and other parents.

Can't the grandparents come at home time to hear all about her day if they must be involved?

pessimisticstateofperception · 15/04/2019 20:33

It's not a case of hoping they understand, they just can't come.

There's a class full of tiny little people feeling a whole range of emotions going into the next phase of their lives, they will have their parent/parents there and will already be overwhelmed with all these strange adults getting emotional and whatever around them. It's selfish to add to that any more than absolutely necessary.

As others have suggested, have a meal out or something at your house after school to mark the occasion and send photos to everyone else.

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