I quit. I've had enough

[Mississippilessly]

Nearly 7 month old baby - sleep is getting progressively worse, not better. Pretty velcro during the day. I don't really get anything done. Has stopped feeding from my right. Cant pump to try and boost the supply because I just dont have the time. I look ridiculous. Spend most of my life bouncing on a fucking yoga ball in the dark.
Bored of people suggesting I have PND. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 7 months. I spend most of my time with a baby attached to me.
I'm not eating gluten or egg as he has suspected intolerances but I have got differing opinions from different paediatricians.

I'm done. I've had enough. No fucking way will we ever give him a sibling. What the fuck is the point of my life right now?

Sorry. As you were.

No advice that hasn't already been given, but solidarity from me, I have my own travails with three month old and it is really really shit . You're a super star for getting through this.

Me again. So after a bit of a crazy weekend with guests I am feeling much calmer and I have had some more clarifying thoughts:
I want him to have reflux - but he doesn't. He doesn't wake screaming in pain because if i take him downstairs he stops crying. He will go on his back - it isnt immensely painful to him, he just prefers being with me. I think the wriggling is either wind (very possible) or even looking for boob?

• it's ok to just want me. Because he is only small. And I'm his everything.

And what a huge privilege that is. I'm sitting by his cot making sure he is asleep after having transferred him from my arms. I love him so much.

Have you tried gripe water?

It worked wonders with my windy screamer.

Yeah it used to work but not anymore!

I don't have children yet (pregnant with my first and quite nervous after reading this thread) so cant give any advice but just wanted to say what a lovely mum you sound. And how you've managed to keep your humour while going through this, is admirable. I really hope things get better for you very soon OP... You're doing much much better than I would!!

So sorry NervousBFP I should have thought morencategully about the impact it might have on newly pregnant ladies - it would have scared the shit out of me!
If it helps I cried in mothercare at around 4 months when i had a 'what the fuck have i done' moment.

It's a really really hard thing but it's really lovely too. Thank you for saying those kind things, it really meant a lot.

You just have to keep remembering that whatever it is they are doing, they arent doing it on purpose.

Congratulations

*more carefully

Oh I was only saying it tongue in cheek.... I'm sure my child will sleep 12 hours a night from day one Honestly, dont feel guilty - its actually a really good insight into how life might be for a while and what a great support this website is.
Honestly, it sounds hellish but you actually do sound like you're handling it remarkably well.
Just be sure to remind him of this time when he's 16 and wont get out of bed
Good luck OP!

Definitely try the next few days working on the assumption it's wind. With DD1, I filmed her at night to show how she was clearly in pain, pulling her legs up, grimacing, writhing around then eventually waking and crying out. I showed the GP and he prescribed ranitidine and said Silent Reflux and it was very common. I then showed my SIL and she looked at me like I was bonkers and said "that's wind. Don't you wind her?" And I was like "well we cosleep and she feeds from the boob while im lying down, then because she falls asleep I leave her there. But she ALWAYS wakes up after no time at all crying in pain". And yup, it was wind. She never even took one dose of the ranitidine. I just kept her upright for 30mins after a feeding session, lots of back rubbing and patting, a few decent burbs and voila, suddenly longer sleeps and not waking in pain.

My own GP just said silent reflux. No one thinks to question breastfeeding mothers to see if they wind their babies. But SO MANY breastfed babies fall asleep on the boob and then wake frequently throughout the night. For me, proper winding was a game changer.

Thank you, that's really helpful. I keep him upright after a feed but he is a nightmare for not winding properly after night feeds.

He is also really unsettled in the evenings now. He went down - finally - at 8pm - but has woken you've since. Only I can comfort him, i cuddle him back to sleep then pop him in his cot. And hr later he is awake again... not screaming in pain just moaning.

I'm afraid the conclusion is he is just a clingy twat.

But how you have described your DD waking is EXACTLY how DD wakes up.

My first born were prem twins, so not much sleep for a long time.
We did FF and eventually found milk that worked for them.
Just wondering if your baby can smell your breast milk, so is refusing FF.
Could you sleep in a different room to baby and DH?
It wont be forever, it just feels like it is.

If he's not actively crying just having a grizzle leave him be, he will learn to self settle that way.

Proper crying, pain cries etc should obviously never be ignored.

Me again.
I had hoped that this not settling in the eve thing was just a phase. Unfortunately it seems to be showing no sign of stopping. When I put him in his his cot he just writhes around. He falls asleep on me and I can transfer him but half hr later he is awake again.

I'm now back on the fucking ball in the dark again.
We are going away on Sunday and I has planned on using a babysitter for a couple of nights, hopefully see DH a bit. No chance of that. He screams the house down even if DH comforts him, forget a stranger.

Sorry. You dont need to reply. This thread is just helpful for me to offload. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

I get this. It also feels like it will go on forever. It won't but I know that doesn't help a lot.

It's grim and people thinking it's about you doing something wrong really don't help. You're not. You just have a child who really needs you to hold him.

Thanks

Could I swap him for one that is less bothered? I've had one bath in 2 months. A bit of baby free time would be ace.

This is precisely why I went back to work. It sounds counter intuitive but I figured I could be knackered at home or work but at least at work I felt like a human being. I had the luxury of hot drinks ( sometimes made for me by kind colleagues ) a lunch break (!) and could go to the toilet by myself. It was shattering but mentally I think it saved me and DS grew to love Nursery and became less clingy. It does pass but I also know that I used to feel like murdering people when they told me that as my life was like a horrific Groundhog Day exactly as you describe. For what it's worth my son has gone on to have dairy allergies.

Would it help at all to know that DD1 only ever had one toddler tantrum and was a dream of a teenager?

Haha yes I will.hope that DS is the same

Ah mate, I'm sorry. I wish I had an answer but in the same boat. I am so very very extremely fed up of holding the baby. Solidarity fist bump from me (whilst holding baby, obvs).

Hi OP did you try the new milk you mentioned a while back?

We're back in reflux hell as well, under dosed him for a couple of days and it's bitten me on the arse.

When I put him down for the night he will wake 5 times over again. Then he will settle about 9pm. Then he will wake me 8-9 yikes in the night.
Such joy.

I also have a clingy twat and it’s been 15 months and just arrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!

One day, OP, we will look back on these days and cry because our adorable cuddly babies are teenagers who don’t want to talk to us. This is what I keep telling myself!

On the other hand, I’d sell my soul for a 12 hour kip.

Thanks everyone. It's so tough isnt it!
BoobiesToTheRescue I'm sorry the reflux isnt settling. It sound horrendous.

Gahrattwice I'm sorry you are in the same boat! How old is your LO?