I quit. I've had enough

[Mississippilessly]

Nearly 7 month old baby - sleep is getting progressively worse, not better. Pretty velcro during the day. I don't really get anything done. Has stopped feeding from my right. Cant pump to try and boost the supply because I just dont have the time. I look ridiculous. Spend most of my life bouncing on a fucking yoga ball in the dark.
Bored of people suggesting I have PND. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 7 months. I spend most of my time with a baby attached to me.
I'm not eating gluten or egg as he has suspected intolerances but I have got differing opinions from different paediatricians.

I'm done. I've had enough. No fucking way will we ever give him a sibling. What the fuck is the point of my life right now?

Sorry. As you were.

@mississipilessly that sounds like a good plan. I've lost track of whether you're trying a stripped down formula or standard one, but if you're going for standard and want recommendations we gave our daughter hipp organic and she had no issues with it. And it helped me get over some of the guilt of not breastfeeding because it had that stupid word 'organic' in the title. Ridiculous, but at the time I clung to it.
Bear in mind that if your son isnt used to a bottle it may take him a few attempts. You could try putting the milk into a freedflow sippy cup if he struggles with a bottle. He will probably gag a bit on it first because he wont be used to the flow, but that's totally normal. He will get the hang eventually.

@mississipilessly, sorry i didnt read properly about the reflux. It must be so hard.

Been there! No they have a sibling! (So far so better behaved)

You're doing great 👍🏻 the exhaustion is awful. Do whatever you need to to get a sleep

Good luck with the bottle! If it doesn't work don't panic. It's worth trying a few kinds. Not sure if I can give brands but I had to try a few before one was accepted.

Good luck, I think it's a great starting point and having a plan can really help everything feel less overwhelming.

Some parting thoughts:

Sleep training - I'm a HUGE advocate of its benefits but I have not done it in refluxy DC2. All the guidance is you need to know the baby is healthy, well, etc before you undertake training. Please don't do it yet. It won't work, any way, if there's issues!

Giving up BF - remember when you are lactating you have the strongest primal urge imaginable to feed your baby. Eventually I had to stop BF DC2 because they were in so much pain they refused all feeds but would accept the bottle. Heartbreak. I tried to pump but couldn't maintain supply. But 3-5 days after the last feed, the hormones died down and it felt so much better. A week later, although sad I had to stop, I no longer felt emotional about it. DC was finally feeding properly and not spending hours screaming in pain. Maybe you won't have to give up BF but I assure you, if you do, very quickly it won't feel so bad.

And as someone else said, unless you've already given a bottle before, be prepared it may take a while for your baby to accept it, and you may need to try a few different ones.

And definitely no pressure to give dinner tonight - plenty of time yet to commit to three meals a day.

It sounds like a plan that will Give you some focus and make you feel proactive. It's also a plan that has a fighting chance of improving things if you've hit on tv the right combo.

For sleep training we did gradual retreat. It was a pain as it was slow but we made some improvement with it.

OP this is so familiar.

I'm sorry. I can't offer a solution but I can offer solidarity.

DD1 did this to me. She's now sitting on the sofa by me aged 21 and it's all a dim and distant memory.

She did get a sibling in the end who was born just before her sixth birthday. It took me five years to forget enough to do it again.

DD2 was a really laid back baby who slept like a dream from day one.

I did end up with PND but I still wonder if it was just a normal reaction to sleep deprivation.

I was also told I was over-anxious and expecting too much. I wasn't. My DD1 just didn't need much sleep and only felt safe velcroed to me. It was extreme and I wasn't the issue.

I hope you find something that helps really soon

Thank you.It's the not knowing that is doing me in. If I knew there was a problem I could focus on it. If I knew he was fine but just a shit sleeper I could live with it
It's the lack of pattern and randomness of sleeping and symptoms that's breaking me.

Do you use or have you ever used Infacol?

So we tried a bottle of formula.

I'm currently upstairs hiding while DS screams the house down. He isnt taking it at all.
Rats. So much for my experiment.

Go to the GP tomorrow OP.

But if he wants breast, a bottle is going to seem alien to him. I would get some infacol, squirt it into his mouth and then get husband to feed the bottle, not you.

We tried infacol before - no joy.

DH tried giving him the bottle. He just ended up soaked in milk.

If we cant get him to take formula, weve no chance with hydrolized stuff!

Can u out babies on Freecycle?

Throw in the vanilla extract. A fair amount. You won't do any harm and if you put some on his lips he may be more amenable.

Also, in an emergency, a tablespoon with formula on can work because it's a slurping motion rather than sucking so it sort of fools babies into drinking milk without realising that it's not from a breast. Takes a while for them to drink enough but if he wont take a bottle or beaker it might be a last resort? Dont give up yet!

What size teat is on the bottle? DS1 used to choke as bottle feeding is faster than breast, so l took him back to newborn teats until he was used to the different way to suck.

He also had to go "cold Turkey" as he couldn't cope with switching between the two methods.

We are going to try doidy cup tomorrow. And the extract. That or I'll just leave him behind when we comeback from our holiday and someone else can raise the wee shite.

Oh God I know it’s horrific. I’m in my fifth year of broken sleep (SEN though) and all I can say is do ANYTHING that will make your life easier, whether it’s formula, co sleeping whatever. Baby won’t remember and won’t hold it against you!
And the mantra I keep repeating... Good Enough is Good Enough

Sorry just realised you have tried these. I feel for you really I do, I feel like I’ve been dug up every day :(

Just in case I've missed this on the thread. Has ds had cows milk? My dd was "intolerant" for everything and feeding was a nightmare that only got better once I binned everything she had been prescribed. Once she was weaned and drinking cows milk the crazy vomiting stopped. Your ds is 7 months so you could just feed him a usual diet and see how he goes. Be careful with self diagnosing if you withhold certain things like gluten you could make him intolerant even if he wasn't to begin with.

What an excellently accurate phrase.
I'm sorry you're going through hell too.

Oh god give him a bottle! He’s 7 months you’ve done amazing. It doesn’t have to be this hard!

Sorry I didn’t rtft keep trying he’ll get used to it! Maybe try a different teat.

I've never considered myself to be a scientific type of person but gosh I'd like some sort of control to these experiments!

I dont want to buy 3 bajillion bottles. We will try the cup tomorrow. Just annoying because I was hoping he would take it so I could then have a clearer idea of if he is ill or just a cunt

Oh this all sounds familiar . It’s utterly bleak and shit while you’re going through it but it will end. Mine ended 10 years ago and the memory still makes me shudder.
2 things I’m not sure have been mentioned:

Mine liked his bottle much warmer than you’d think

Can you enlist anyone to help just for a few hours? I had several friends who would come round and walk /bounce/rock the baby while I crashed out in bed. I still thank them to this day. I know this will probably make you feel worse as it did me when people used to say it but babies do pick up when you’re stressed and it used to be a vicious circle for us so someone coming in ‘fresh’ and without the emotional connection can sometimes calm them down.

You can also do a bit of dummy, bit of bottle to sneak it in a bit.

The other thing with bottles is some people hold both the baby and the bottle differently to how they would breastfeed.

The baby ends of lying back, bottle over face. Your DH could try holding the baby as you would and on a cushion and tuck the bottle under his armpit like a boob. Even better if he slings something of yours on where the baby would be for the mummy smell.

I know it's seen as verboten but can your DS sleep on his front? That's often more soothing for reflux (on front lying up a foam wedge or slope).

I totally empathise OP. I was on my own when DD was the same age and there were times NOTHING soothed her and I had to put her in her cot and walk away otherwise it would have felt too much to go on with her. Not advising this but sharing how I felt.