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Original poster

I quit. I've had enough

323 replies

Mississippilessly · 05/04/2019 20:26

Nearly 7 month old baby - sleep is getting progressively worse, not better. Pretty velcro during the day. I don't really get anything done. Has stopped feeding from my right. Cant pump to try and boost the supply because I just dont have the time. I look ridiculous. Spend most of my life bouncing on a fucking yoga ball in the dark.
Bored of people suggesting I have PND. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 7 months. I spend most of my time with a baby attached to me.
I'm not eating gluten or egg as he has suspected intolerances but I have got differing opinions from different paediatricians.

I'm done. I've had enough. No fucking way will we ever give him a sibling. What the fuck is the point of my life right now?

Sorry. As you were.

OP posts:
KingHenrysCodpiece · 05/04/2019 20:41

So sorry OP I've been there and I know it feels like hell. Actually it is hell, but things will get better I PROMISE. I know no one likes to say, but sometimes breast fed babies are hungrier and more demanding. Are you breastfeeding exclusively? In the end I introduced the bottle with DS I just couldn't take the constant interruptions at night and the total dependence on me. That way you can hand the baby over to someone even for half an hour.

Please tell your GP how you're feeling if you haven't already.

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 05/04/2019 20:43

I talked to my GP, he just said I was anxious like every new parent.

Thing is I genuinely dont think I have PND. I think I'm just fucking exhausted.

OP posts:
BurrSir · 05/04/2019 20:44

I introduced bottles because I couldn’t get DD off me and it’s was turning me into a wreck. Would you consider?

Interested in this thread?

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Babies & sleep Families
Original poster
Mississippilessly · 05/04/2019 20:47

As in formula? Yes I would.
Thing is he wont even sleep in his cot anymore. I'm sat here in the dark with him asleep on me.
I'm so embarrassed- I've clearly done this so wrong.

OP posts:
Proseccoagain · 05/04/2019 20:47

I agree with BurrSir, would you try a bottle? It worked with my first.

Morgan12 · 05/04/2019 20:47

Oh I've been there.
All I can say is it will get better. I know that's literally the crappiest advice ever but honestly this part will all be a distant memory soon.

TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2019 20:48

I wonder if you should introduce bottles? I had to of a night otherwise i just got no sleep.

This WILL pass. I think you are right - you are exhausted. Bottles will mean your dh can do some all of the night feeds.

somuchinfo · 05/04/2019 20:48

I agree with above introduce bottles. Not everyone BF. And isn't there anyone in your family that could give you a break even if it's only so you can sleep. It is certainly hard. Do you have any help whatsoever?

Iamthecaptainnow · 05/04/2019 20:49

Would you consider cosleeping for a night or two, just so you can get some rest? Would he sleep next to you in a bed?

Chocolatecake12 · 05/04/2019 20:49

Is your dp about? Family?
Could they take baby for a walk after a feed? Give you an hour to sleep during the day?
I would also consider giving baby a bottle - s/he sounds hungry. Look into what formula would be best considering the potential allergies. Have you started weaning yet?

It absolutely will get better Flowers

TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2019 20:50

You have done nothing wrong. You are just a fantastic mum with a very demanding baby. He will feel fuller with bottle feeds of a night. I mix fed as i loved breast feeding but gave it up completely when dd was six months.

Eyebrows2016 · 05/04/2019 20:51

Please don’t feel embarrassed, you haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve responded to your baby. Parenting is hard, especially if you can’t hand the feeding over to someone else even temporarily.

No one can tell you exactly what you should do, just make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well as baby.

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 05/04/2019 20:51

Thing is he doesn't settle for DH. He will only settle for me.

Sorry. Its sounds like I'm being defeatist and argumentative. I'm not - I just cant see anyway out of this crap. I try so so hard to be patient with him but I'm just knackered. I kicked our cat today because I'd just got the baby to sleep and she came in, jumped on the bed and mowed really loudly. I swear I could have skinned her. I felt so bad afterwards. I've never done that before.

NB: it wasnt hard. She is fine. So fine she stole the fish off my plate for dinner because I stupidly got up to get a drink.

OP posts:
LtGreggs · 05/04/2019 20:52

I think it's quite likely that you are right - you are "just" exhausted rather than PND. Still shit though.

It will pass. Pass it might not pass quickly.

What help can you muster? DH, mum, sibling??

Are there any small things you suspect might make each day a little more bearable? For me it would be getting outdoors (walk with pram), coffee & cake, music on at home, try to see another adult every day, clean sheets on bed.

(Also you could consider bigger things if they might suit - back to work soon??)

You will survive. For me, the kind of thing you are going through is 10 yrs in the past BUT I still regularly remember back to it in a kind of awe/terror.

Jumbo2000 · 05/04/2019 20:52

Flowers echoing op, as crappy as it sounds right now, this will get better!

You’ve given your baby 7 months of breast milk... introduce a formula bottle and give yourself a break.

You’re doing a wonderful job x

Likeagibbon · 05/04/2019 20:52

Really sorry to hear how fruatrated and sleep exhausted you sound at the minute :( i know first hand how difficult it is to have a child who doesnt sleep and wants to be with you 24/7. This was my exact experience with my eldest daughter. It was very very tough. And i remember feeling like a zombie so sleep deprived and exhausted from carrying her around all the time struggling to get anything done, and like no one had a clue what i was going through as no one else i knew or know seemed to have it so difficult! But we got through it and she is 6 now. And she has 2 younger siblings who are much 'easier' as they are not half as clingy or exhausting time and sleep wise. Do you go to any playgroups or out much? I didnt with my first but i have with my younger 2 and am pleased i did as it at least changes the scenery and kills the time for a couple of hours a week!! It took me many different groups though to finally find one i liked. So dont give up trying if you dont like the first group you try. Just wondering why you dont have the time to pump? Because your baby is attatched to you? All of my babies have gone through phases of not wanting to feed from one side or the other. No idea why! I just assumed its one of those odd baby things. Also what makes you think you look ridiculous?
Your life sounds very tough right now. But i can 100% asure you once you are through this difficult sleep deprived baby stage things do get better. When they are able to move about more and play more and eat more real food they become that little bit less dependant on you and it becomes that bit easier. You sound like a pretty amazong mum anyway what you sound willing to do for your baby (change your diet, sit up all night bouncing on a ball, letting your baby be velcro to you). I know many mums who just wouldn't do those things. So the fact you do, you should feel very proud. Please dont give up all hope of things improving. I promise they will and it will come around sooner than you realise.

LtGreggs · 05/04/2019 20:54

Sorry for typos, I have had Friday wine. In years to come you too will get Friday wine. Flowers

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 05/04/2019 20:54

DH takes him for a bit at the weekend. He works really hard so cant do much in the week but he does try. My friends brought over a meal during the week which was nice.

We do co sleep. He still wakes up a million times a night.

OP posts:
KingHenrysCodpiece · 05/04/2019 20:54

Thing is I genuinely dont think I have PND. I think I'm just fucking exhausted

You need some decent sleep. Do you have a partner can you do one night off one night on....But I guess that would only work if you both can feed at night. Why has sleeping got worse?

I remember falling asleep with DS attached to my boob. Fuck not co-sleeping. That was the only way I got to sleep at all. I was an utter wreck for at least a year. I had utterly gormless people (friends, relatives bloody acquaintances) telling me I looked rough, needed to pay more attention to my hair, clothes etc. All when I was getting barely 3 hours sleep a night. I went to the doctors and cried. He was very dismissive telling me everything would be fine. I fucking hated him at the time thought he was a dick. But he was right and I am so grateful he trusted me enough to know I would pull through.

It does improve in micro increments. Once you get to the other side you may even find yourself thinking about No.2. I kid you not.

droningtraffic · 05/04/2019 20:54

I've been where you are.

How is your babies growth? If they're doing well and eating solids, you could night wean. It will mean an incredibly hard few nights and if you're Breastfeeding it is best that Dad does it.

I used to go to bed with the baby some nights!

GrouchyKiwi · 05/04/2019 20:55

You're amazing. You've breastfed for more than 6 months. Go you! I'd definitely switch to formula now, if he'll take it. It might help him sleep more as it takes longer to digest. Have you started introducing solids?

It will definitely get better. One day. Hang in there. Flowers

Reevesandmortimer · 05/04/2019 20:56

Oh god that yoga ball, I popped mine in the end as I hated it, although I had thighs of steel from all the bloody bouncing. My heart goes out to you, I could have written your post with my second. It is not your fault at all, if I'd had the non sleeper first she would have been an only.

Don't know what advice to give as I completely failed to do anything useful through the fog of tiredness. In hindsight I wish I'd tried reflux meds as I think mine was probably a silent refluxer. Mine was a total bottle and dummy refuser. Do you have a partner? Is your mum any help? I think someone needs to take that baby and do the fricking bouncing and just bring it to you for feeds and do everything else while you just stay in bed for 24h. If it's any consolation after 2 hellish baby years mine turned into the most angelic child and has not given me a moment's trouble since, the toddler years were an absolute doddle compared to this time. You are a fab mother, well done for surviving this far.

polloppllo · 05/04/2019 20:56

8 months to the day I gave up breastfeeding as was in the same position as you.

First day with formula......slept through the night.

Worth a try!

Original poster
Mississippilessly · 05/04/2019 20:56

Ltgreggs thank you. That's a really kind thing to say.

OP posts:
Iamthecaptainnow · 05/04/2019 20:57

Okay, since you're cosleeping - is there any way to try NOT cosleeping? DH settles him in his room/cot for a weekend? It'll be tough for DH, but eventually baby WILL sleep- and maybe you can rest in the meantime? Despite my earlier suggestion, we've never coslept because on the rare occasion DS comes into my bed, he wakes every 2hs screaming and whining for some reason. I think he can smell the milk...