I quit. I've had enough

[Mississippilessly]

Nearly 7 month old baby - sleep is getting progressively worse, not better. Pretty velcro during the day. I don't really get anything done. Has stopped feeding from my right. Cant pump to try and boost the supply because I just dont have the time. I look ridiculous. Spend most of my life bouncing on a fucking yoga ball in the dark.
Bored of people suggesting I have PND. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 7 months. I spend most of my time with a baby attached to me.
I'm not eating gluten or egg as he has suspected intolerances but I have got differing opinions from different paediatricians.

I'm done. I've had enough. No fucking way will we ever give him a sibling. What the fuck is the point of my life right now?

Sorry. As you were.

I have been there and you have taken me back.
Baby milk tomorrow and are your weaning?
You have every chance to have a whole nights sleep. Time for someone else to take over.
You are going to feel like a new woman - trust me.
All will be well. Bottles and an ability to leave the house and become yourself again is all you need ❤️

None of this is your fault.

One of mine woke hourly and it nearly bloody killed me. The other one slept through the night from 2 weeks. It’s a load of bullshit all this “creating bad habits” - some babies sleep some don’t. Pure luck of the drawer.

Introduce formula. Your physical and mental health counts for something too!

Oh this takes me back to my eldest DD 14 years ago. A friend told me I looked like "a ghost". It's hellish. I didn't have PND either. I defy most people not to get a bit f*ing down and "edgy" being tortured with sleep deprivation. Echoing what others have said, I'd introduce formula (7 months - you've done brilliantly with that). Don't rule out the ear plugs suggested by your DH. When my DH took DD to try and give me some sleep I was so exhausted but still couldn't sleep as I kept hearing her. Ear plugs were enough to drown out anything but the loudest of cries. Some men I think seem to have a natural filtering system so they sleep through the quieter noises, but I definitely didn't. It felt like I was listening for 6 months basically! Dummies too - they stretched out feeds for me, before and after breastfeeding.

Reluctantly (and at times hysterically) we did Ferber in the end with DD's sleeping. I know things have changed and moved on a lot, but it did work back then as someone else mentioned. It worked after only one night for us. I'd still rather have done anything else mind. Flowers and cuppa and cake for you missus.

OP I don't know if this will help but I recently posted a thread very very similar to this and had the best advice ever.
Turned out it was really bad reflux.

I'm not saying your baby has reflux but some of the advice on my thread was just brilliant. Search my username and you'll find it. I posted it about 2-3 weeks ago.

How’s his transition to solids going, has that started yet?

Just asking in case it throws up anything that might help.

From a similar experience my youngest was ravenous, he’s very big for his age. So he was on 3 meals a day from just over 5 months old. But he was still cosleeping and using me as a dummy. I knew that as he woke every 45 mins, which is a sleep cycle.

At your sons age I knew he was getting enough in terms of food and milk so there was no need for the multiple waking. I did the baby whisperer PUPD. Within 2 nights he was going down within 20 mins and about 2 weeks later we had our first sleeping through.

It’s many years since I’ve been where you are but I do feel your pain, it’s utter hell when you’re in the middle of it. Hope you can get some plans in place and get some sleep soon.

Has he ever had a bottle before? If not, at seven months you might be better using sippy cups

Oh gosh, my sincere sympathies.

This too shall pass. Many of us have been there. I was relatively lucky with sleep but when my babies went through bad sleep phases I really felt like I was a shadow of my usual self.

My most precious advice re improving sleep is:

1. Up feeds during the day. Get that baby eating/bfing as much as possible so they are getting their calories in during the daytime. This seems to promote better sleep at night.

1. Try to increase afternoon exercise, get your baby out for a little crawl or roll in the baby gym.

1. Reconsider nap patterns. Are they getting too little sleep during the day? (Over-tiredness can lead to more over-tiredness, weirdly). Or is the second nap too late in the day?

1 and 2 are the real magic tips. Also, reminding yourself that all the things, wonderful and horrific, are phases that will pass. Appreciate the wonderful ones, they are fleeting. Let the horrific ones flow over you as much as possible, they are also fleeting!

At the end of the day, as somebody wise said... the days are so long, but the years are so short. xx

Also, has it got worse since he weaned? Could it be an allergy?
Are his poos ever mucousy, or green or acidic smelling?

Didn’t want to read and run - you are doing a great job and it is the hardest job in the world. 24/7 with no breaks and you’re exhausted. Fx sleep training goes well, everything will look better after you get a good rest

I've no suggestions I'm afraid but I just wanted to offer a virtual hug. Sleep deprivation and a velcro baby is a tough combination - I've been there. If you do switch to formula speak to your HV about how to do it so you don't end up with mastitis. You're doing great - it will get easier

I totally agree with @StephsCaddy about it being pure luck whether you have baby who "sleeps well", btw.

It honestly isn't something other mums are doing better than you. They just got bloody lucky (and they might realise this when they have DC #2 and don't get so lucky...)

This time will pass and eventually you will look back on it and wonder if it was really true! My ds was an appalling sleeper, so bad that I resorted to keeping a diary to show doctor, health visitor, nurse, anyone who cared to look actually. If I look back on them now he is 15 I wonder how I ever survived. ..

I also remember getting very cross with poor cat who dared to miaow just as I sat down!

It certainly would be worth thinking about changing to formula if only to give you a break as dh could do some feeds and give you a break. You have done well to feed him for his first 6 months.

When DS was tiny and not sleeping, I would manage the night and then dh would take him early in the morning so I could sleep. We had a vibrating bouncer that DS liked and when he had enough of that, dh would take him out in his pram so if he cried I wouldn’t be disturbed.

May be worth speaking to a sleep clinic, we used Millpond, as they may have ideas that you haven’t thought of or different routines. Has been assessed as fit by gp? Our DS actually had a breathing problem which wasn’t diagnosed, or even though of, until he was 18 months. It didn’t make him sleep any better but helped me deal with the situation.

As I said DS is 15 now and sleep is still fairly erratic with very early mornings, but he doesn’t need me to be up with him anymore so all is good 😊.

Hang on in there, it will pass.

It will pass, and your ds will be like mine; at 23 he likes his rack time. Even now, if we are going anywhere in the car, he will be asleep in 3 minutes flat. I dread him learning to drive - he'll nod off!!

Oh you poor thing. You have done more than enough by breastfeeding til now. Give baby a bottle and that way Dh can help out. How is he getting on with solids? As you introduce more solids he should settle more and not need feeding during the night. Hopefully the sleep consultant will work quickly to get him into a manageable routine.

Been there OP, it's shit. Our first was a Velcro, sleep refusing refluxer. You did better than me I never managed to breastfeed feed him, despite lactation consultant etc, etc. Fed sole expressed breast milk for 12 weeks before it nearly broke me then did mixed. Husband worked away in week, and I survived on no sleep for months in a state of misery. Try formula. At 7months I nearly broke and husband sent me to a Travelodge for a night, to sleep undisturbed and allowed me to shut off. At 13 months He was then diagnosed with cmpa, as he struggled to wean which improved sleep a little. He finally slept through at 2 years and 3 weeks old, DH and I still remember the night. Now at 4, he sleeps 12-13 hours unbroken. It will get better. I really hope you get some sleep.

Sending hugs and sympathy, you sound exhausted.

Could your husband, or a friend, just take baby out for a long walk so that you get some time and space just to shower and crawl into bed for a while?

I've done this for several friends over the years. The baby has cried in the pushchair but the world has not ended and said children, now adults, have not turned into axe murderers. And they still speak to me.

Be kind to yourself, this phase will pass, bit for now, for you, it is utter misery.

I breastfed till 9 months but always gave formula for the evening feed after some very bad nights. Two things I was told were that my milk would be less at the end of the day and that my baby sucking for half an hour didn't mean she was getting any milk. You are feeling so bad because you are tired and overwhelmed. If you can get the baby to take a bottle at the end of the day, he might sleep through and at the weekend your husband could do the night feed although I used to bottle feed the evening and breastfeed in the middle of the night ( husband used to get up sometimes so I could go back to sleep..he got the baby and did the nappy change). Good luck.

Sounds awful op. I think you need to rely on your husband a little more?
Funnily enough my friend's daughter used to never sleep for her and if she was in the house would scream with her husband but if she went out and left them she would sleep fine ! My DD was the same with BFing at night if I was there she would wake up every half an hour, even if I was in another room. I was in hospital for a bit and my DH said she slept through fine 🙄
Could you get a hotel for a night? Obviously your DH can call you if baby really won't sleep or is distressed but if not you could actually get at least one night of sleep.

Your baby's so lucky to have had all these months bf! I managed 6 weeks with ds1 and 12 with ds2. I think you've done your bit. Stop now. You should be proud of yourself.

OP hugs!
I 've been there, done that. Sleep deprevation, breastfeeding, baby awake, crying a lot of the night, pacing floors, going for night time spins in the car......anything to get him settled, coliciky, ...exhaused....
He s 14 now and has 2 younger siblings.
One thing though......introduce the bottle & formula as soon as possible. They get v v smart & reject bottle from around 8 - 9 months on ....I know from experience!

Echo pp up above...

Use the daytime for bulking up as much as possible and the late afternoon for as much exercise you can muster- swimming , bouncing, kitchen disco....then bath, bottle & bed. If you need to nap as soon as he goes down, do! Just 40 minutes though...

Maybe ask your DH to respond to bubba until his bedtime so you can get a break-and at weekends you must get some continuous sleep in- in the daytime even, a 4 hour block will really help reset your stress levels. Eye mask & ear plugs if it's daytime.

You honestly need to prioritise yourself. It's the very hardest message to hear as a new Mum but it is honestly so important for the long term.

I had a non-sleeping howler. I have no advice, other than it really will pass. This child is not going to be doing this forever. Thinking of you (which is fuck all use, I know).

Try food. or milk to fill him up and make him sleep.

Try cosleeping to at least get some rest. Much safer than falling asleep on the sofa
Ultimately, if you have to do sleep training of some sort you have to.
It will get better.

The point of your life right now is that you are giving your child security and love and milk, thereby setting him up for a great life, and good health, which will cascade down the generations to come. In terms of long term impact, that beats most paid work x1000. I am sorry it's so fucking exhausting.

Listen OP you’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve had two kids - da was as you describe - genuinely googled ‘can you die from exhaustion’ . Dd on the other hand was one of those babies who slept through almost from birth and was happy and smiley etc. I did nothing different with them.

Thanks all. Will respond properly in the morning. Right now feel wide awake. Not helpful!