I quit. I've had enough

[Mississippilessly]

Nearly 7 month old baby - sleep is getting progressively worse, not better. Pretty velcro during the day. I don't really get anything done. Has stopped feeding from my right. Cant pump to try and boost the supply because I just dont have the time. I look ridiculous. Spend most of my life bouncing on a fucking yoga ball in the dark.
Bored of people suggesting I have PND. I haven't had a full nights sleep in 7 months. I spend most of my time with a baby attached to me.
I'm not eating gluten or egg as he has suspected intolerances but I have got differing opinions from different paediatricians.

I'm done. I've had enough. No fucking way will we ever give him a sibling. What the fuck is the point of my life right now?

Sorry. As you were.

You aren't doing anything wrong. I was exactly like this with my first. He was demanding, reflux, colic and everyone was giving me their two cents. My mil even claimed my milk wasn't thick enough to give me a complex! I also ended up lactose free / gluten free etc and special diet without o juice onions you name it. Then 21 months later I had my second (already sleep deprived so might as well get it over and done with) but she slept and fed like an angel. I couldn't believe it. Every child is different. This is only a season and it will pass. Don't let too many cooks spoil your motherly instinct. I think the best thing you can do is listen to your instinct. And if your instinct is too friggin tired Start combination feeding and get that rest. You need to have your life mask on to keep others alive. Fed is best and all that gumpf. And we still sometimes co sleep with my 7 & 9 year olds. And when they totally stop wanting those cuddles I'll be sad that it's over. Hope you get some sleep tonight x

My first was like this. It was endless. I used to sit in her room at night silently sobbing because it was so fucking hard. Nothing would settle her we tried every trick in the book. But over time things slowly improved.

You have done nothing to blame yourself for. This part of parenting can be, for some people, the hardest part in the world. It seems interminable now but it does end. Keep on trying different things, it may not work, but psychologically I think feeling proactive helps a tiny bit.

Big hugs. Big big hugs.

I haven't got any further feeding advice to the excellent stuff already given, but I do have a weird suggestion

If you're going to try and put the baby in the cot, tuck a teddy bear or something down your top for a while - enough to get your smell all over it. I did this with ds2 and it really soothed him.

Mine is still (mostly) like this at 20 months.
I didn’t breastfeed my first so was determined to breastfeed my second to 1. Turns out he’s a stubborn git & try as I might he won’t wean (not without tears which I’m not prepared to do).
I might be going against the grain here but I wouldn’t give formula now, they should be ‘off’ bottles at 12 months anyway & as baby is already weaning I would just carry on as you are just try to up solids & feed on demand. Sleep deprivation is torture & I haven’t had a full night in nearly 2 years but I’m used to it now! You’ll get some of yourself back when you go back to work - I went back at 13 months & he copes fine without me when I’m not there.
But then, mine still doesn’t sleep so who am I to advise

My son was the same. It was awful, he would not be put down nor would he take a bottle. DH and I did 4hr shifts through the night. Oh and he would only sleep if you were moving too so he had to be in the sling and walked. It is totally unbearable and I feel for you.

The turning point for me was my return to work and him going to nursery. It just made a huge difference to both of us to be away from each other. He was 10 months old then and it took a couple of months but he has been a wonderful child since.

It is nothing you have/haven't done. Some babies are just like that. I have an older daughter and 10 month old twin girls and they have all been cry, feed, change, sleep in Moses basket types. My son was just a whole different kettle of fish and only people who have been through it will understand. It will pass but it's fucking hard work getting there. Keep going, you are doing a great job.

I was an amazing parent for my first, he slept from 10-6 at 6 weeks old and anyone who couldn’t get their baby to sleep through just hadn’t set up the right routine, then I had DC2 and I am clearly not the amazing parent I thought!! He didn’t sleep through the night till he was fucking two!!

When he was particularly bad we would sleep in shifts, so I’d sleep from 9pm to 2am and then get up and get on the sofa with DC in the Moses basket then Dh would go to bed for a decent 6 hour stretch before getting up for work, it wasn’t ideal but it was the only way we could both get a decent stretch of sleep.

Similar to a pp I have heard of a babies who won’t sleep when mum is around but as soon as you’re out they sleep fine for dad so it may be worth a go? Premier inn for the night?

Speak up to friends and family, if I knew someone was struggling I’d take baby for a walk for an hour or two so they could have a nap but I wouldn’t offer without knowing that first, I think I’d feel a bit weird but would def offer if I knew!

All I can say is, it’s shit but at 3 he sleeps through the night now, every night so we got there in the end!

I would try and feed him up as much as poss during the day and definitely consider formula.

Good luck, and you’re definitely not a shit mum!!

You're not doing it wrong, some babies are needier than others. As other posters have said, try formula, it should help to ease the pressure on you. Being a mum will get easier, just don't be afraid to ask for help.

If you start putting baby back into the cot (once you've has some rest), baby will get used to it.

Also can i say a huge well done to you, for breastfeeding for this long, the amount goodness you'll have given your LO is incredible.

big hugs

Been there, so sorry you’re going through this OP. I’m glad you’ve got the sleep consultant coming, hopefully they will be a huge support. We had eventual success with Pick Up Put Down although it kills your back.

Does DS fall asleep in the car or in the prom? I found the car a useful stop gap for daytime naps and for getting her into the habit of napping at a certain time. I kept my book and my purse with me at all times so I could pull in once she’d dozed off, read my book, and grab a cuppa if there was somewhere handy...

Been there - DD wouldn't sleep, boobs were not behaving.
I started to hallucinate. My mum turned up with SMA, made DD a big bottle. Sent me to bed and fed her. DD sucked it dry, belched and slept for six hours

We didn't look back

DD is 31 and still a PITA though

Another one here who had a baby that's just didn't sleep and was endlessly latched on, he's now an adult 'child' that is difficult to get up out of bed .
You're exhausted, switch to bottles you've really done amazingly well to get this far, I didn't

And get your husband to do some of the night feeds, you need sleep

You really really need sleep, I managed to crash my car (twice) I was so tired

Self preservation (and cat preservation) is the most important thing.

Switch to formula. Express just enough to stop your boobs from exploding. Use earplugs. Sleep. Just sleep.

During in the day, stick DC into a pram contraption, but a coat and good shoes on and walk. Crying doesn't rip through your earholes nearly as much when you're outside and you'll benefit from fresh air. It's more interesting for the DC as well.

Let Dad do more. If you're doing bottles, it'll probably be easier for DC to learn to settle with him first because his instinct will be to root for your boobs at first. Expect some issues at first (and be delighted if he takes to the bottle).

Buy some dummies. They might not be needed, but htey might work brilliantly.

And if it gets too much, remember that the 'oh, they're only little once' isn't just a warning - it's a promise.

Human babies are far more dependent for longer than any other mammal. But even so, they aren't this dependent for much longer. It will get better.

I think babies are cute and defenceless, but ultimately, rather boring. DP adores them. I far prefer them as they become little people - if I want adorable and defenceless, I'd rather have a puppy or kitten.

But you need to protect yourself - hurting an animal is a sign things have gone too far as you are.

Bottles. Bf is amazing but not worth your sanity. Your baby needs a functioning happy mother more than they need breastmilk.

You can’t quit I’m afraid! Instead... get in the car, go to the nearest supermarket and get some formula. You need a break! You haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just sometimes things don’t go to plan.

Going against the grain here, but I wouldn’t give formula - I know it seems like the easier option, but it may not be and you may have a battle on your hands trying to get him to take a bottle and then potentially minimising your supply. During the day, you’ll then be faced with sterilising, prepping and feeding, rather than just breastfeeding (where you can feed in bed and fall asleep feeding...). Bottles need to be taken away at 12 months, maybe cup is a better solution? I get that formula may ‘ease the pressure’ first time round, but what when you’re the one having to prep bottles each day, day after day?

He’s a baby and it can be really hard - but unfortunately that’s a baby. Your partner, short of being a surgeon or driver, should be helping during the night by calming your LO and letting you sleep when bub isn’t hungry. Both of mine wanted only me for a while, but did eventually did warm to their dad 😃.

You’ve had lots of good advice on this thread, which I won’t repeat, but there are a couple of small practical things re the breastfeeding. Do make sure you’re getting enough fluid, glasses of water always by your side. Also, on the side that he’s not feeding from, try tucking him under your arm, so that he’s coming at it from a different angle. You could use a pillow to prop him up. My very best wishes and admiration for you. 💐

Formula at 7pm, breast for rest of time if you prefer. Yes to dummy and I would also consider starting some weaning. Do they still have baby rice? It’s been a long time since I did it.

I have 4 children, my second was exactly like this (I wonder how I even thought about having more!!!). She was, quite frankly, bloody miserable and would cry if I even moved her towards her own cot! She got up every hour at night. I remember going to my GP as I was going to a sleep clinic and they wanted her checked first. My GP suggested I may be suffering PND, I was bloody furious, I didn’t have PND I was just absolutely, completely exhausted. I properly shouted at her!! The sleep clinic worked for us but that’s not really what I’m trying to say. Mostly I wanted to let you know it will get better!! One day this will all be a distant memory but when you’re in it, it is awful. Just try and get any help that anyone offers! Go to sleep at 2pm for an hour if that’s when someone can help. Don’t be so hard on yourself, some babies are just more difficult!
Hope things get better soon.

You don’t sound like you have PND, because what your saying is lucid!
You’re right to feel like shit, and to be knackered! The first 12 months of parenting where really tough.
You’re not doing anything wrong, I breastfeed for 14months but introduced a bottle for evenings at 6months.
So I could have a break and a glass of wine, and at least 4 hours of sleep in a block.
You’ll be ok, just go easy on yourself, it’s shit for everyone in different ways.

This could of been me. I did controlled crying not the cry it out method. It was a life saver for me literally

Have you tried swaddling? It helped my oldest at about 7 months when I was getting to the end of my tether. Didn't work so well overnight, but meant i got a break in the day to have a sleep on my own!

I bottle fed all three of mine from day one. Your baby isn't happy and you are knackered - just buy some formula and stop this shit now! And while you are at it buy a dummy. Please don't beat yourself up over this - you really don't have be a martyr to be a good mum. You need to be making happy smiley baby memories - not sleepless tortured angst

Oh god you poor love
I’ve been right there

Twice (I have zero idea when we had sexual again and I’m sure it was literally just the once damm it)

Neither of them slept. Ever. Cried and fed and cried and fed and I was lucky if they had a ten min nap in the day.

At night they would doze provided I was holding them and even when they seemed fast asleep if I dared to sit down (still holding them in exactly the same position) they would just bloody know and start howling until I stood up

I was so tired I would sob and I’ve never felt so desperate
When they got bigger and eventually went in a cot they had to have me sat right beside it with a hand inside- ALL NIGHT.

Ugh even remembering how hellish it was has made me feel nauseous.
I swear they both made it their mission to break me.

But now of course I can’t get them out of bed.
It passes. I even sometimes crack a smile when I remember it.

I have no suggestions because I know you will have tried them and I know I nearly punched a woman in a shop who spotted how bloody horrendous I looked and when I poured out the whole sorry story, listened and then said with an air of the eureka ‘you need to try lavender oil- never fails’.

It’s hellish. But you are a hero. A genuine hero.

Just get through it however you can. Don’t be proud about saying you feel done in and asking for help even if it’s DH holding the baby whilst he (the baby not DH) screams for an hour whilst you walk round the block.

I went and slept on the back seat of the car once on the driveway so I couldn’t hear the screeching child inside whilst my poor DH tried everything to soothe it just for half an hour so I could rest.

It gets better.

Urgh. This takes me right back and makes me shudder.

Nothing made my baby sleep, nothing. I was deranged by that stage. In the end, at about 13 months I put him in the cot, and sat with him holding his tightly fisted mightily pissed off little hand until he finally went to sleep. Didn't take as long the next night, and by the next night even less. Until the little darling finally learned that mummy meant business. And that business was sleep. I've never been a fan of CIO, but I rationalised it in my brain that he was fed, wasn't scared, and bloody hell he just needed his sleep as much as I did.
Whatever you decide to do, I promise it will get better. And if you do venture out to playgroup and the smug mum tells you that her baby has slept through the night since she was three days old, try not to punch her in the face.