Is Your Life Shit? I can solve all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a kindly non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and I run a lovely advice clinic. Please bring me your problems and I will solve them, forever.

More useful than a trip to Jerusalem thislido . The ads seem to want me to go!

I don't want to I want to stay on the sofa!

I’ve got tons of stick on eyes!! And beaks, if you need them.

I heard the call.
I think we might be communicating like whales.
Pleasing.
I am not a pacifist.
I played Ecco the Dolphin in 1992 while my parasites children were at school.
I wanted to harpoon the fucker.
#nocheats

When I say 'not a pacifist' and ' harpoon the fucker' I mean in an abstract, lying on the sofa playing a game way.
Not like say, Trump or Putin or anybody whose button would work.
I let flies escape.
4 legs or more...safe with me. Fishy things and creatures...safe. Uh huh, yes

I'm digging a hole here.

Stop digging, it uses calories. We are not a peaceful nation, so there is no neef for your unconvincing protestations of innocence.

I’d forgotten about Ecco the Dolphin.

If your having such a great time in your little click why do you keep talking about me then.

We just want to solve your problems, pineapple.

Help us to help you

What ails you?

Is it the clicking noise you hear?

I took DS to the weigh in clinic today, and he was just off the charts for weight which earned us both a raised eyebrow and questioning. Should I be concerned or go eat some biscuits?

That is really stupid

You obviously belong here, you keep coming back. No judgement. Here, have a slanket and some monster munch.

You don't say anything that is worth listening to

Is he happy, much? I think that’s the main thing. Definitely have a biscuit. Have several. You’re tired.

Can you hear me above the clicking? That’s just me chatting to Ecco.

Thanks lido I did have several, and some Pringles to balance out the sugar load. He’s a very happy chap, I just felt the hv eyebrow was quite judgemental.

You’re right, I am tired.

Very wise with the pringles. Cheese has a similar effect.

She probably was judging. But what kind of person judges a lovely pudgey baby and makes his mum feel bad?

Night night pineapple, come back in the morning, the others will be sorry to have slept through your visit, but you know how much rest we need xx 🐬

Good point Thislido the HV is clearly a psychopath. If she raises her eyebrow again inject her gently in the eyeball with mercury. You must get your revenge in first.

Pineapple please buy a dictionary and a thesaurus, I'm telling you this out of sheer kindness.

Night cabal xx

If only i could master the skill of fashioning animals out of little balloons Thighland really would have everything. We even have a mobile lobotomist/novelty strippagram. It's more than Mao Tse Tung started off with.

Help, my problem is my cat has bad cat acne on his chin. That's not the problem - the problem is I badly want to pop all his pimples. I'm not sure if I can resistuch longer.

*resist much