I want a cat, but how do I make sure I get one that’s not an arsehole?

[GottaGetUp]

One that will be friendly and sit on my lap and purr, and not just hit my face at 5am for breakfast and then fuck off out until it gets hungry again?

Or are they all arseholes who let you pet them just often enough that you’ll keep feeding them?

IME you have a 4/13 chance of getting one that will let you touch it for 7 seconds and a 1/13 chance of getting one that will sit on your lap and happily let you stroke it while it purrs lovingly.
There is a 2/13 chance that they will be psychotic evil vengeful nasty bastards who will attack you if you walk into the same room as them though.
And a 13/13 chance you'll love them anyway.

I got three, and basically they are all affectionate at different times and in different circumstances so I get quite a bit of cuddles but on and off. Except when its sunny and then they dissapear into the garden. The male cats are definitely more affectionate than my 1 female.

Yes get a boy cat. Far more affectionate.

Burmese or Singapura make good lap cats. Careful what you wish for though, I wish mine would leave me alone some evenings!

Don't fall for this "get an adult rescue so you know what you're getting". We visited our adult cat at the rescue twice. Both times said cat ran at my 2 young children and wrapped herself around their legs purring. Totally relaxed and loving on them. We've had her 8 years now - I think she has allowed herself to be near said children twice in those 8 years!! She just wanted out that rescue and fed us a load of bull so we'd take her. She does come and sleep on our laps once the kids are in bed though!

Of the five cats who have owned me, both the boys are/have been more ‘homey’, two of the girls are/have been ‘eat then bugger off’ types, and my other girl is a nutcase who brings me worms. You just never know.

Mine are put in the back part of the house at adults bedtime because they were waking the kids up at 2am. So no kitty alarm clock here.
Mine were bonded adults from Cats Protection. So we kind of knew roughly how much arseholery to expect......

Pure luck. My cat and I are pretty well suited. I’m loathed to get her a buddy in case it upsets the balance / the second cat is a dickhead (and that I move towards becoming a crazy cat lady....!)

Good to get some numbers on it Kobea 😄

We have a few and they're all absolute relentless tosspots. Gary Barlow (DH named him because he loves GB) is a twat who only lets DH fuss him, feed him or hold him, which works well because DH is away with work often. I have to search the whole house for Gary Barlow and then lure him out with kissy-noises and hand-feed him chicken because he's such a pretentious twat.

The others are more mine and one of them comes on dog walks with me every day. I'm not sure why - she uses it as an opportunity to traumatise all the local dogs and then whines all the way home until I pick her up and carry her like a baby. There's a labrador that's always out and about when we walk the dogs who is so terrified of her that he has to be put on his lead before she approaches so that he can't bolt. I'm like a proud father watching her upsetting dogs everywhere she goes. Maybe she needs a muzzle and some mini oven gloves strapping to her teeny tiny paws?

TLDR; cats are always arseholes. But they're also such funny, quirky things that you can't help fall in love with them.

They are all arseholes. I've just fed mine and come to bed and she is fucking about because she wants food. I'VE JUST FED YOU.

Don't get a cat get a tamigotchi.

First thing I wanted to say when I read the OP, is they're all arseholes! We are all slaves to their arrogant entitlement.

I can't look at my phone or laptop because of the 'LordSmotherDCat' always parks right in front of my eyes no matter which way I try to look. That includes lying in bed 'LordSmother' will lie in my neck if necessary to prevent device use. Will pester till I lift the duvet for his Lordship to inspect, sometimes he will concede and immediately settle but mostly not,mostly loiter annoyingly with claws out! Ltb I hear you shout. But,he is so close knit into our family,even sharing our toilet, but easier keeps all the big ddogs in line. They're far more scared of him than me! He'll even steal their food and they will hrowl at each other,but not his Lordship! Oh no, they sit there with hang-ddog stupefied demeanour awaiting his by-your-leave.

I do think the queens were the most devoted little souls, and far less pompous. Devoted to the DC when they were little.

Still little bastards the lot o them!

Siamese cats are very friendly, loyal and attention seeking. Mine used to want to be near me all the time and was so affectionate.

He could also be a proper arse though!

I have 4. All at different ages and stages. Two are old now. Old lady is very snuggly and literally sits on me every time I sit down. Old man is affectionate and soft as anything but is a little distant lately as he is having some dental issues and his age is really starting to catch up with him. Middle girl is mainly DH's and does whatever he says. She tolerates me when he's not around but as soon as there is the option of DH, I don't get a look in. She likes to snuggle in bed. Youngest is best described as aloof. She adores DD and will snuggle round her neck but only at a time of her choosing. She is a prolific hunter and my back garden often resembles a mouse graveyard. She is cute, she's just very independent. She doesn't need us, she just chooses to live with us.

I loves them all. We are going away soon for 12 days, the longest I have ever left them. It is the holiday of a lifetime but I'm dreading leaving them!

Sorry,can't help you with your question though!

My girl isn’t an arsehole.

She was nearly a year when we got her from the rescue. She will generally sit on me a purr in the evening.

I read a thing the other day that for non pedigree cats there is a connection between colour and personality with black cats being the best. Not that I’m biased.

They're all arseholes but some are more arsehole-y than others. Thy expect good looks and purring to carry them through life while jumping on you at 0500 and doing Forbidden Things to make a human leap out of bed, at which point said human usually decides fuck it, let's feed him/let her out for a bit more peace.

At this point, you may consider yourself to have passed the Cat Servitude test and to be successfully trained as a cat slave.

For advanced level certificates, you have to have stood on street corners rattling treat tins and shouting your cat's name (merit awards for embarrassing ones), and have opened tins of tuna or grilled chicken breasts to persuade your feline companion to eat. You're welcome.

Try and find a really good rescue. We had one tell us the cat we wanted to adopt was a lovely friendly family cat. She was, in fact, a crazy bitey horrible cat who would bugger off for days at a time. May as well not have had a cat. She went missing eventually. Turned up at a stables 6 weeks later, I wouldn't have her back, she was semi feral by that stage. We now have 2 lovely proper family cats from a different, decent, honest rescue which knows their cats really well.

I was always told that neutered males are the most affectionate. Agree with the advice to rescue an adult cat so you know, and get, the temperament you want.

I was always told neutered boys were more affectionate, and so had them, until I had two girls, really opened my eyes, beautiful home loving souls.

I have to agree that all cats are arseholes. Saying that I adore cats. I’ve had 5 since I was 18, each of them arsehole-ish and utterly adorable in their own ways.

I had one who I called gobby because he was so vocal. Super bright though, he was able to open cupboards which sucked when I was cooling the Sunday roast there.

I currently have 2. A three legged girl with the longest tongue and tail I have ever seen who is stunning but only wants me for food and warmth and a boy cat who thinks my arm is the sexiest thing he has ever seen. Even though he is neutered. Cats are not gentle lovers and I have to fling him off of my arm at 3am far too frequently for my liking. He also decides to crawl up and fall asleep on me when I need to get up in the morning but I can’t disturb him as he is too cute.

The fact that cats are arseholes is part of the charm really.

Saw that a few people have advised a ragdoll. I have one and she's a massive twat - they're not all cuddly and affectionate.
She bites for attention and destroys the wallpaper and furnishings for the laugh.

She likes to play fetch though which is very cute and funny.

Mine destroys piles of paperwork, how adorable

White linen table runner is currently fav sleeping place, bloody lovely covered in hair

Pretty much all cats are aresholes, to be honest. I have two and they are total bastards. One is permanently Boot Faced, I think she’s the reincarnation of my dead, very catholic, very disapproving Granny. The younger one is a complete wanker and has some sort of multiple personality disorder. They also behead tiny little bluetits despite having bells on their collars.

BUUUUUT my first (as an adult) cat was amazing. Truly the most perfect, wonderful creature ever to live. HE didn’t have an areshole bone in his body (if that makes sense?) He also had FIV but lived until 14. I had him from when he was 2. DH and I miss him more than anything. I’ve saved some of his fur for when cloning technology is more common

Spartak within a month of us losing our 18 year old cat we had two rescue cats. Nothing could bring back my cat but having these two has really helped the heartbreak. We could have waited until we met non important strangers opinions on what was an acceptable time but who would that have benefitted? The cats may have spent six months in a cattery and we'd have been miserable. Just to appease who exactly?

If you'd like a cat, get one or two 🐈 🐱