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Original poster

I can solve all your problems, forever

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 20:41

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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DogHairEverywhere · 27/03/2019 22:10

My driving instructor was V. sleazy (just sayin')

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 22:12

Exactly - so if i say No Sluts that will indicate there'll be no touching up.

OP posts:
DogHairEverywhere · 27/03/2019 22:14

What if bloodstained needs to touch up her coloured in feet...I see trouble brewing with your no touching up rule.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 27/03/2019 22:15

Should I pack in my job. I really want to.

PippilottaLongstocking · 27/03/2019 22:15

Can you solve my problem of infuriating ex who is a nightmare to co parent with. Preferably by providing me with an alibi on the night of his mysterious disappearance...

M3lon · 27/03/2019 22:18

Not to worry you...but I've seem both fermat and naked in the same room at the same time, with schrodingers cat (both dead and alive natch) and of course the finest dog in the history of dogdom.

I don't think its a problem though - you can marry a superposition of the pair - all will be well and snax will flow...

KnitterOfSocks · 27/03/2019 22:18

Should I get out of bed to eat toast? I have had a rubbish day and emotionally craving carbs

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 22:19

Fekko sure. We have loads of business ideas, you can have my Modest Driving School: No Sluts idea.

OP posts:
RickOShay · 27/03/2019 22:20

Thank you all. She is coming here because of roots.
Our mum died a long time ago, it’s me and the bad fairies, though i do have a few staunch allies, more if i include my pets

Smartieshavetheanswer · 27/03/2019 22:20

Really want to stay in bed for the day tomorrow and ignore the fact that I have GCSE exams to prepare for 250 pupils, 60%of which think that I should be doing more work for them.

Should I
a) suck it up and go to work as usual
b) mainline a bottle of Gordon's to induce an 'illness'
c) tell my ungrateful, entitled pupils to wise up and start revising and to remind them that pass or file, I'll be getting paid exactly the same.

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 22:22

Pippi yes, we certainly can. We've specialised in husband disposal for quite some time. We have a fleet of old cars, a crushing junk yard, plastic sheeting, an integral garage, a squeal of pigs to eat the body and a lion to eat the pigs.

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 22:26

M3 I'll become a polygamous Mormon. I feel like I have a lot in common with Joseph Smith. Didn't he find mormonism in a biscuit tin? That's where i found Thighland. Also Naked is my personal mathematician so i will get her to do a sum that makes it all work.

OP posts:
Luaa · 27/03/2019 22:29

getting I was too slow, but I knew that one! I think I put it in my post way back in the early days when I was proving I could be an honorary aussie with you and you bestowed me with the name dunny

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 22:31

Smarties the answer is B!!!

Drink a whole bottle then go down to the river and look for the Fuckboys. Do some dogging, go wild, steal a boat and have a mini cruise. Come back, if you can be arsed, in a couple of weeks. You tried. If they're thick, what can you do?

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FermatsTheorem · 27/03/2019 22:31

I can confirm I am not NakedScientist (other than in some sort of weird timey-wimey, quantum superpositiony way possibly), but I'm all up for a polyamorous threesome.

Gettingnowhere · 27/03/2019 22:33

Knitter is it possible to make the toast come to you?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 27/03/2019 22:34

Fermat awesome. It'll be Schrodinger's marriage! We love a bit of Schro around here. We think Mrs Schro did and didn't kill him for putting her cat in a box.

OP posts:
Gettingnowhere · 27/03/2019 22:35

Lord what is your job? Does it involve penguins? Have you name changed? We did have a SmallFastPenguin around here for a while.

Gettingnowhere · 27/03/2019 22:37

Good to see you again Dunny

MoaningMinniee · 27/03/2019 22:42

Just popping in before bed to say I've namechanged. AlpacaLypse is still waiting for the dishwasher (the new one is in the hall waiting and has been since October) to be replaced. It's now nearly 7 months. Thigh, can I borrow an integral garage and some very sharp knives, and rather a lot of bin bags?

Smartieshavetheanswer · 27/03/2019 22:45

thigh I rather think I want you as my new Head teacher.

Eastie77 · 27/03/2019 22:47

Took your advice and started walking east. I've now ended up in StratfordSad

Couldn't do the steamed veg. I went to Tesco and the fruit n veg section has been cleared out by Brexit hoarders.

heidipi · 27/03/2019 22:51

Love these threads. Never been on one before though. See you in Shoreditch bitchaz!

Gettingnowhere · 27/03/2019 22:53

Smarties let me start by saying I misread your username and thought you were "Smartie shave the answer"

The answer is startlingly obvious. You need exam questions to write. You have 250 students who are supposed to write stuff. They all want to pass. Get them to write their own questions. Everyone's a winner

Gettingnowhere · 27/03/2019 22:54

*have