I can solve all your problems, forever

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I'm a self appointed non medically trained kindly interested nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and welcome you to my advice clinic.

Dangly 😮

Fartled!!! Midinight I am loving that we should all be fartled at least once a day! By our own farts of course (no guests).

thigh do not be upset, Getting is in hospital now after her lobotomy, she will heal as a brand new woman who would never ever ignore you. No need for the C clusters (any more so than usual), definitely no need for S&B! Shall I bring the lobotomobile round?

I know I'll 'fartle' you out of current mood ...

I've still got gin and horrible tops in my side bar, I think they think I LIKE the tops! I DON'T LIKE THESE HORRID TOPS OK!! MY LACK OF PURCHASE MEANS I ONLY LIKE SLANKETS!

There! Now they know!

polarpig tea on toast sounds effortless. Count me in!

Effartless.

We’re being mocked on YouTube!!!

The WTF Blanket (Snuggie Parody)

Not linking as it may get me banned!

DanglyTassles hello - it's here:

metro.co.uk/2019/04/01/all-the-funniest-and-cringiest-jokes-from-april-fools-day-2019-9080253/

best served with Poisson

Well I still really want a WTF Blanket, in fact I do think my own slanket's one!!

So that's where I got my Super herpes from!! I thought it was from Getting !

Oh super pig thank you! I'm ordering!!

I'm also liking the look of the cream egg mayo! Yum! It looks like my own vomit, which is delicious!

DT followed the link but can't see snuggle party.

Found it. Awww thought it was really about us in Thighland.

One day thigh, in a week or so, we will definitely appear on youtube! Persons all over the globe will be rushing to join Thighland and follow the lore of Thigh our jealous haterz will be many! Imagine the funz!!

I don't mind having this meglomania, thigh, I think I shall just stay unmedicated for it, same as for my herpes.

Oh dangly you'd think so, wouldn't you? Thighland is very much needed in this vale of tears.

BUT you must realise that YouTube censors all the really useful stuff? It would never permit thighland videos, as THEY (the haterz) would conspire against it.

And yet, I bet if I uploaded a clip of my husband mansplaining how to load the dishwasher in his weird time-consuming way he would attract a cult following. (Bangs head on wall)

Of course I should divorce or kill him, but he has been assigned all dishwasher duties from now on.

No, don't divorce or kill him Pooter, just get him to waffle on about boring stuff and film him inconspiciously, put it all on You Tube. If he does indeed gain a cult following of equally boring men you could rake it in from the sponsored ads!

This can be his life's purpose to fund your gin and keep himself from a sticky end!

I feel drawn to your husband Pooter not in that way of course as I have 2 brides of my own. I love him a bit with his wily umbrella poisoning japes. And that's not like me.

Dangly megalomania is so soothing isn't it. Never a moment of regret or self doubt, far, far away from the C Clusters.

Yes, I am all for moneymaking ventures. I can't capitalise on his youth and beauty these days so maybe YouTube would do the trick?

Can't remember an umbrella thigh , but he would oblige in making any device, I am sure!

Surely there is a Benevolent Society for the Care of Retired Fuckboys? I mean, something like for pit ponies?

Pooter would we wear poppies to raise money for the retired Fuckboys? A lot of counselling required i imagine, plus there's the clinic, physiotherapy, rehab, rebirthing therapy. If that doesn't work there's always Dangly's lobotomobile for really severe trauma.

Thigh instead of poppies shouldn’t we wear a badge depicting a small roll of plastic sheeting???

thigh I think having a Fuckboys Fundraising Day would be quite thoughtful. They do need a lot of therapy so maybe you could start a quango and get some government funding? With your psychiatric skills, plus dangly to sort out the duff ones, it could make a real impact on the Fuckboy Community.

midnight I like your style!

We could have heart rending TV ads too...."Once Mr Pooter had a 28" waist and looked like Ian McShane; now he has gone a bit beardy and tubby he is more like Father Christmas. Please can you spare just £2 a month to buy MrsPooter some gin?"

Yes! This could work! Of course all funds collected must be remitted to Mrs Pooter since she is his carer and has power of attorney!

Absolutely, dangly ! He is not safe to be let out, so I do hold the purse strings ;-)

I sense that there are many other Fuckboys wandering around lost and confused. Thighland is a very benevolent dictatorship, and surely we could establish some sheltered housing for them? They could do various brawn-not-brain jobs for pocket money. I think it would be pretty good from a tax point of view.

Or is it too much effort? Do we really need spare Fuckboys? A thousand questions swirl in my head. Perhaps charity should begin at home. Anyone not happy about taking in a homeless Fuckboy should remember (as Tony Soprano so very nearly said)

"A fat Fuckboy is like an extra slanket in winter"

We could sell calendars with Fuckboys looking forlorn and with ingrown toenails.

And ear hair. Don't forget the ear hair. Extra poignant.

My Argos fuckboy finally arrived and to be honest, I'm quite disappointed. I think I've been sent one of the retired ones. Mine seems to have gnarly toe nails and ear hair. I think I might have to return it. I'm going to have to leave an honest review.