Worried of what husband will do

[Sh21]

First time posting and its taken alot to do so. My husband and i were going through a rough time last year, he was treating me badly and i was living on eggshells. We separated for a few months and i got talking to a work colleague, things got flirty over texts but nevee anything physical.
I'd been out one night and got spiked, i called my husband and he picked me up, while i was out of it he read the messages on my phone. Of course things were awful and I'd made everything so much worse. Since then we've tried to make things work. So days are good others he makes my life hell, threatening to come to my workplace and beat this othee guy up. I can't see a way out of this and i really don't know what to do. I'm not excusing my behaviour but how long do i put up with being shouted at and being uncontrollably upset by the things he is saying.
I just need someone to talk to 😢

You can warn the other guy but your husband is an adult who is well aware that if he assaults another person he could be arrested and charged. I suspect it is directed at controlling you rather than a real prospect. He won't be the victim then would he?

He says things like he doesn't care of he end up in prison, he'll have nothing left anyway, i know the latter is mind games but i don't think I he cares what happens to him. If he gets arrested I'm worried I'll get the blame from his family, i know he's an adult but he's threatening this guy because of me

Honestly don't worry about the other guy, if your husband assaults him (which I really doubt - he is a bully so probably trying to talk tough to intimidate and manipulate you) then the other guy will go to the police and it will be dealt with.

If my DCs came to me and said that they were being mistreated like you were I would be so sad that they had endured it for so long and welcome them back with open arms.

As another poster has said, nothing could stop me from loving them and wanting the best for them.

Even if your husband shared the photos of the messages, you could easily cast doubt on them as messages can easily be faked. And anyway nobody will care or want to read them.

Please leave this dangerous abusive man and start over.

No he is threatening the guy because he chooses to. If he was so unable to contain his fury he'd have punched him months ago. He hasn't. He has so far chosen not to hit him because it is much more use to him to make you frightened. It's not because of you.

Sorry, i feel like im going on and on. And I'm a hopeless case. I know he would go to the police which i would encourage. I'm scared of the backlash in work, people wont look at it like we were on a break, so I'll get that thrown at me plus the fact one of my colleagues (a well liked by all colleague) has been beaten uo by my OH

1. Tell the other man so he can take precautions. After that, his safety is up to him.
2. If he does show it to family or colleagues be real - tell them he's been vile to you. People can and will be very supportive.
3. He won't leave you alone? Call the police on him.

As soon as you put yourself to safety and he no longer has control you'll feel a million times lighter.

Honestly you might get a bit of a reaction at work but you're going to be saying 'Yes it's awful. I've left him' and everyone will think you're doing the right thing.
He probably won't do it though.

Thank you so much for everyones support.. I felt completely alone until now!! Xx

he's threatening this guy because of me

No, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. He is threatening the other guy because he's an aggressive arsehole. Please don't hold yourself responsible for the actions of this pathetic excuse for a human being. he is choosing to do these things, no one is 'making' him.

And don't worry about work, no one will judge you - that's what your husband wants you to think - it's more likely that people will be concerned about your well being.

Look at it from a different perspective, if this was happening to someone you knew, wouldn't you want to help them?

Don’t worry about what people will think. Firstly, that is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Secondly, you were on a break and did nothing wrong. Thirdly, people aren’t likely to judge you anyway, they are far more likely to offer support if you are going through a separation.

I think you husband is making threats against your colleague to control you rather than him having any serious intent of hurting him. If he was serious then why hasn’t he done it already?

Your husband has got you so jumpy that you're feeling guilty for things you haven't done and responsible for behaviour you are not responsible for.

About the messages, not to be all Ross but 'you were on a break!'. You were not with your husband at the time and you texted another man; so what? You were both single. The only reason your husband says it was cheating is because now he has this wonderful stick to repeatedly beat you with. Has this same record been playing for 8 months? You must be exhausted.

You have warned the man at work about your husband being on the warpath, there's nothing more you can do for him. Pack your things, leave your husband, block him on everything and start divorce proceedings. He doesn't love you. He's tortured you for months over text messages, plus he was awful before that, that's why you'd broken up in the first place. Please protect yourself, just leave him.

He's just flipped out, i told him, in fact begged him to stop all of this. I said he's making me have a breakdown. Amd its domestic abuse, he flipped and turned the table over in the living room. I feel like this is the final straw

Then go.

Because it is - and he knows it.

Please leave, today because of this thread l went and helped my neighbour, l didn’t know the extent she was suffering. Please speak to your family l would hate hate hate for you to go through what l witnessed today. I just posted about this and came back to see if you had updated.

Please leave him, your worth 100of him.

Phone the police now.

Police if you can. If you can't, get out somewhere safe.

I'm going to speak to my parents tomorrow. I know i have to now, its gone too far for too long

I'm ok, I'm safe honestly. Xx

Be careful. Glad you're going to talk to them.

I will be, I'm definitely going to tell them whats going on tomorrow

Him flipping over tables, putting holes in walls is abuse!!! Call the police now!!! Seriously, he’s implying you are next. It is assault in a round about way. Call the police now. Please. He wants you scared and submissive.

Who owns the house? Get him out with the police and be protective. Explain everything to the police. About him threatening you by putting holes into things, upending the table, threatening the colleague, threatening to tell everyone. Tell them everything.

Get out
Call police
You don't control his behaviour he does
And he carefully does enough to scare you
You can control what you do
So leave and tell police
What he does is his decision

How are you Sh?

Are you ok?