Worried of what husband will do

[Sh21]

First time posting and its taken alot to do so. My husband and i were going through a rough time last year, he was treating me badly and i was living on eggshells. We separated for a few months and i got talking to a work colleague, things got flirty over texts but nevee anything physical.
I'd been out one night and got spiked, i called my husband and he picked me up, while i was out of it he read the messages on my phone. Of course things were awful and I'd made everything so much worse. Since then we've tried to make things work. So days are good others he makes my life hell, threatening to come to my workplace and beat this othee guy up. I can't see a way out of this and i really don't know what to do. I'm not excusing my behaviour but how long do i put up with being shouted at and being uncontrollably upset by the things he is saying.
I just need someone to talk to 😢

He's been nasty in the past, his brother and wife actually said they dont blame me for leaving in the first place because they have aeen how he has treated me. But then he told me when he told his brother about the messages he had said if it was him he'd have left me! I feel like its mind games so i think everyone has turned against I'm not saying every minute of the relationship has been hell because we have had some really good time. He said to me friends look at us and see that we've got sucha solid relationship, but as the saying goes people don't know what goes on behind closed doors

Re his brother you can’t believe anything he says. He has threatened criminal assault , go to the police and tell them. He won’t dare do anything to the other guy if you’ve done that.

You need to leave him. For good this time.

I don't believe anything he says anymore, he's told me things that i kniw is a blatant lie and its all to make me worry, overthink and question myself.

Please leave him, don’t have children with him. Tell your mum and dad, go to their house today.

I have just been having my breakfast with the window open and l can hear the man next door screaming at his wife and the kids are crying. You don’t need a life like this and l think you will if you stay.

He's gaslighting you to make you question your own judgement, but it's not working because you can see that what he is telling you is either untrue, or a distortion of the truth. That's why you're here talking to us, you know what he is doing is wrong.

I really don't want that life, it petrifies me thinking this is my life forever

Can you go to your parents now, before he wakes up?

Be somewhere safe, and work out how to get your stuff later, when you have company with you?

It is a scary thought, hold on to it and use it to give you the strength to walk away and build a new life.

Please speak to your parents today.

Your dad must have an idea somethings going on, he’s opened a dialogue for you. Please speak with your parents, get a plan together and leave him.

Make a list of things you need to get out of the house
Certificates banks accounts other paperwork
Start a spring clean - another poster did this only the “charity shop” stuff went to friends and parents to store
Grab some friends and get a moving out day planned

You can do this

And remember telling your parents and leaving him all feels scary but once you have done it, it really won’t be so bad.

I can’t remember the right saying but it’s something like

The thought of fear is scarier than the action.......does that make any sense?

The other realisation you are having isnonce you tell people what’s going on, you can’t take that back.

So to tell someone, anyone, means you have to take action, because they will be disappointed if you don’t.

I bet your dad is pretty worried about you deep down. He’d love you to open up so he could help you..

Text your parents and tell them you need to come round to tell them something. So they are prepared and waiting and you don't have to build up the courage to blurt it out. Tell them everything and im pretty sure they would be happier to see you out of your marriage and back home safe in 'your box room' than with a man who is abusive and controlling.

I felt like I was letting everyone down when XH and I split up after a shortish marriage. My family were bloody delighted as they'd been biting their lips the whole time!

We've been rowing all morning. He's gone out and said let him know wjen I'm willing to talk properly and explain everything. I've explained everything time and time again, he doesn't listen and says he's not satisfied with the answer. He got up tjis morning and the first thing he said was get dressed because we're going to that guys house!

You’ve had a lot of great advice on here...

Get yourself over to your parents and tell them what's going on.

I'm just so scared what he's going to do to the other guy

Just tell the other man, he can look after himself once you have warned him.
Please please you deserve so much more than this, he is a user.

Leave and report his threats to your colleague to the Police. Also report him blackmailing you. I would imagine a visit from the Police will take the wind out of his sails.

He's just ao aggressive, he knows where he lives and works (he has another job aswell) i have told the other guy in the past but he doesn't know what my OH is like.

Something2say gave the best advice. As for his brother, reported speech is ALWAYS a lie in these circumstances. Leave asap, with as much or as little as you can carry.

Is your OH aggressive towards others or just you?

Not me, he's never laid a finger on me. Its what he says he'll do to this guy and the aggression in his face. He's damaged the house too