I can offer you solutions to all your problems

[pineapplebryanbrown]

I am a non medically trained self appointed internet nurse. I am unfettered by knowledge or training and can solve anything, no matter how trivial.

Please enter my advice clinic where you will find kindly Agony Aunt services. My rules and solutions are mostly as follows:

1. Lie Down
2. No Guests
3. No One is Too Fat or Too Thin
4. No One Gets Told Off

G'day Dunny me ole cobber, fancy a barbie down the billabong this arvo? Crikey, I'll be stoked if ya say yes! Strewth!

Luaa I'm sorry about the weather but we needed rain to kick start our lawn flattening venture.

Danish yes, please place Mads Mikkelsen on an open sandwich when you capture him. I believe he lives in North Copenhagen. Go hunting there.

Danga and Dunny May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny door down

Strewth, Getting don't go crook on me mate, that's a bit iffy. No drama!

No worries, Danga

Ok, I have a dilemma for Thighland to solve. My DS's SCHOOL have sent a note home, requesting that I dress DS as a fox. I am secretly hoping they have hit the vodka at lunchtime, but I suspect it's much, much worse. A dreaded SCHOOL PLAY. I can't be bothered aquiring a fox costume. And I would rather gouge my eyes out than sit through a school play. Help

OMG Getting!a genuine emergency to solve!

Ok so could you just paint him brown and stick a feather duster to his arse then on the day of the play say you have megalomania and are still highly contagious so cannot show your face in public?

I am sure thigh will have a wise way for you to avoid this ordeal but if you are forced into it be sure to make him a MN terrifying fox like the classic Easter bonnet.

If you haven't seen the Easter bonnet www.mumsnet.com/easter/sinister-easter-bonnet

I realise diet and exercise is generally frowned on in Thighland but I thought you might appreciate this exercise hack from the new 5:2 thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet/3520848-5-2-Thread-number-84-Exercise-hack-Fartlek: interval-training-with-non-regular-intervals. Fartleg: lie-sideways-watching-TV-and-gently-raise-a-leg-to-break-wind

I'm planning to include this as part of my regular exercise regime, do you think this is Ok?

SmallPenguin that sounds like the kind of exercise we could all do nay enjoy doing!

I am definitely going to incorporate it into my sofa routine!

Many thanks!

Thanks Danga and Chook.

Love the feather duster and brown paint idea. It can even be used alongside the scary as fuck bonnet. I'm sure with my crafting skills, if I aim to make something cute and friendly, I can recreate that terrifyingly monster.

Unfortunately if I miss the "play" due to perfectly reasonable illness, I run the risk of "ruining DS's childhood".

Kleptro has some coloured Sharpies that might be useful to colour your ds as a fox getting

SmallChook has it!! Sharpie him in as a fox!

Could you send a haunted mannequin to attend in your place? (Did we get them fixed? Mine's still in the wrapper!)

Getting have you got a Tiger/Flying Tiger shop near you? Because they’ve got this for £1....

Excellent idea! Haunted mannequins are safe if surrounded by chocolate buttons. Or was that Dark Lords?

Either way I'm going to need the Sharpies to draw all the face tattoos on Poe (that is my haunted mannequin's name). And find a purple wig. And find a different stand for the TV.

Bloody hell school plays are hard work

Mystic I only have a Flying Tassie Tiger shop near me. But if they do a purple -haired, pot-bellied elf with green tights costume to fit a haunted mannequin for £1, it might just be worth venturing out for.

Thanks Kleptro

I have gold and silver sharpies.

Just sayin.

I could dip an actual fox in haunted wax and send it to school in place of your son if you like....

Question: please can we exterminate all RL people?

Will be settling in for catch up with wine later but in the meantime KILL THEM ALL

Project no, some of them are our thisters in waiting. Also it sounds like a lot of work.

My phone has started correcting 'though' to Thigh.

Getting i see that Reginald has come up with a perfect solution. She's going to dip a fox 🦊 in haunted wax and send it to you. For 2 weeks before this terrible play take the fox to school in your son's place. Warn school that he's got a bit of a sore throat and may be a little quiet.

Why would either of you attend a play starring a lump of wax. You can stay home for weeks eating monster munch and lying down.

Project i have my knife 🔪 here and ready to kill whoever you want me to. Shall i just slaughter anyone not wearing a slanket and covered in facial tattoos of faces?