He's 35 years older... Is it okay?

[SummerIsNearer]

Or is it completely 'wrong'? This is between two consenting adults obviously.

This is somewhat lighthearted. But I do wonder, is there ever a time where someone can just be too old and people would rightly question it?

It would purely be a bit of sex, I think. Nothing more. I fancy him by the bucket loads and he looks amazingly well for someone of his age. He is also frightfully intelligent.

If people saw us kissing goodbye, would they think it particularly odd that I look so much younger?

I'm really just after your personal opinion

My mum thinks go for it. Sister thinks I'm bloody mad. Friend thinks it's a bit too much of a gap.

It depends? How old is he? You?

Depends how young the younger person is. I’d blink much less at 40 and 75 than at 20 and 55.

Rule of thumb for me was half plus 7 as a limit. I’ll admit I’ve strayed a year or two outside of that but...

Well, it’s probably fine now for a quickie if you’re say 20 and he’s 55... but really? It’s too big a gap. He’s more than a generation older than you!

What do you have in common? You love his brains, he loves your youth. And no wonder! But if you look ahead - you’re 40, he’s 75 - it’s a totally different game. You’re in your prime; he’s not.

With 21 and 56.

It seems ridiculous but he's very good looking and does not resemble 56. I was quite shocked to discover his age

It is definitely a bit too much of an age gap and honestly the first thing I thought was 'daddy issues ' . Am I right in any way at all?

I find that a bit uncomfortable if I'm honest.

You risk becoming his carer.

Does he have grandchildren?

10 years time you'd be nursing him...

I don't have any daddy issues, no. Dad still very present in my life, if not a little reserved like he is with everyone.

My dad is also 11 years younger than my Mum if that bears any relevance

I think there’s something deeply strange about men who go chasing women young enough to be their daughters.

I've been seeing someone 27years older..I thought it'd just be a bit of fun but think maybe there's more to it now. We get on like a house on fire. I noticed a few little glances in the beginning but don't anymore unless someone actually noticeably looks, but I just smile back now.

No, 21/56 is a bit odd.

Joyce He would only be 66... (Gosh that does sound older when I type it out). Nobody usually needs nursing at that age, do they? It's relatively youngish in a mobility and care sense.

I think there’s something deeply strange about men who go chasing women young enough to be their daughters.

I would usually agree, however, I am the one to have sought him out. And his previous partners were a relatively similar age to him.

Crisp Congratulations I hope you are happy. I usually only go for men 10 years older max but there's something deeply interesting about much older men. All that life experience etc

To be perfectly honest I find it a bit sickening. You’re only just in your twenties and he’s not far off sixty and I would probably think he was a dirty old man if I saw you both together. I’m 35 and would never consider going out with a 56 year old, he’s old enough to be MY dad and I’m loads older than you.

However, you seem pretty sold on him for sex at least and the bottom line is you’ve got to do what makes you happy and sod what anyone else thinks. It’s your life at the end of the day.

Practically, most people will think you’re his daughter but prepare yourself with a suitable answer and hold your head up high.

God no he's way to old for you! He's probably older than your dad!

Just go for it, if you fancy him, just see where it goes.

10 years time you'd be nursing him...

At 66?! As a given?!

Less of the old man please He doesn't look his age.

I do appreciate that it could look strange. Although, since I'm a sexual relationship only, it seems silly of me to ask about what people may think seeing us together, since they wouldn't really.

God no he's way to old for you! He's probably older than your dad!

He is older than my dad.. Heavens

You're still very young OP. Lots of great guys in their 20s out there. You don't need this grim old letch.

The situation isn't comparable to your dad's. A decade's age difference is nothing.

Ugh i find that pretty grim

My friend married a man who was 35 years older and he died at 67 from complications of the flu. He’d seemed really fit and healthy up until then and was still working.

No dear, it might sound okay and nice now as some men still have "it" at 56 but things can go downhill rapidly. If you're after a fling, fine but for a long term thing, it's more heartache than joy and really not fair on yourself. You'd be barely out of your 20s when he collects his pension. Do you really want to be looking after him as well as your parents in old age all at the same time?

I can sort of get you OP insofar as a lot of my celebrity crushes have been on men much older than myself, but in reality I can't imagine actually having a relationship with someone so much older. I did have 'daddy issues' in that mine died when I was young. I'm 15 years older than you, and therefore still young with a toddler but when you're my age, he will be 71...I can't actually imagine that for myself...

And don't kid yourself that people don't need nursing in their sixties. Many illnesses can strike at that time and before.

I’m only ten years older than you OP but I really feel and notice the difference mentally when with someone in their very early twenties. I think it’s a bit of a warning sign that someone his age related so much to someone just entering adulthood.
I’d find that a major turn off, any normal mature men I know wouldn’t dream of this. Some letches would.

As a side thought... there seems to be lots of benefits to dating someone much older.

Unplanned pregnancy being one of them! Fertility declines slightly after the baby age of 28, according to something I read recently. It just be pretty slim at 56.

Plus I do have a DC so I have a more haggard
look about me at 21.

Fine for a bit of a novel shag, not fine for long term: 41:76 is a bigger age gap than 21:56 in many ways, you’ll be just approaching your prime while he’s very close to old age.