He's 35 years older... Is it okay?

[SummerIsNearer]

Or is it completely 'wrong'? This is between two consenting adults obviously.

This is somewhat lighthearted. But I do wonder, is there ever a time where someone can just be too old and people would rightly question it?

It would purely be a bit of sex, I think. Nothing more. I fancy him by the bucket loads and he looks amazingly well for someone of his age. He is also frightfully intelligent.

If people saw us kissing goodbye, would they think it particularly odd that I look so much younger?

I'm really just after your personal opinion

My mum thinks go for it. Sister thinks I'm bloody mad. Friend thinks it's a bit too much of a gap.

Are you saying that you’d be having unprotected sex with this man?!

Lots of men quite easily become fathers in their 50s and 60s. And STIs are among their highest numbers in the over 50s precisely because many think they aren’t risking pregnancy anymore.

Be very careful.

If it’s just sex I’d say go for it. A relationship not so much

Shady I wouldn't risk anything at all, I was simply thinking the changes were very slim.

But due to STD rates, I certainly wouldn't consider unprotected sex.

*chances

If you are happy, sod everyone else.

Life is for living, no one knows what is around the corner.

Enjoy it.

IMO, No it is not OK.

OP age related decline in fertility doesn't only equate to a lower chance of getting pregnant.

It also means a higher chance of getting pregnant then miscarrying or baby having abnormalities and health issues.

If you think it's just a fling then I can't see the harm. If I knew you I'd still silently judge him as a creep.

I think it's too much. At 21 I was a mother myself but I'm now 31 and I'm a completely different person to back then. I found I continued to mature and develop my thoughts and feelings throughout my twenties. You're very young and he's too old for you. But of course only you can make the decision.

It's a big age gap but you're adults and if it works for you, go for it.
I have a good friend who is 40 and married to a 70 year old. They're a lovely couple but you do see the age gap- he's retired and goes and naps every afternoon while she's full of energy. They have a small child and i think that's quite hard on him that he'll likely lose his dad when young.

Go for it if it's what you want. You're an adult, he's an adult. Don't see a problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

How funny! I just started a thread on the same age gap, but I’m double your age (and not interested in elderly sexual partners).

It’ll be interesting how the responses will be different.

I do think that how old someone is on the inside counts for a lot. If your guy has kept up with feminism, is into self-awareness and has a youthful outlook then that’s a big plus. I’ve known 27yo who have the inner-workings of an 80yo (and the health of one). That’s unattractive.

Your age is all about experimenting and having fun. So is his (midlife crisis!), so I say go for it! There may well be times when people mistake your connection for a more ‘conventional’ one, or some strange looks if you’re affectionate in public, but I think the world is fairly immune from shock when it comes to older man/younger woman.

I would say be careful of it leading anywhere, even though you think it won’t. It’s a whole other thing having babies and ageing with someone so much older. It will affect every single bit of your everyday life. You’ll soon figure this out if you try and mix your friendship groups. It may be worth it for you, but don’t be in denial about its downsides. But for a fling, why on earth not? Sounds a bit exciting!

Go for it.

Not sure why people are saying he is elderly or why apparently you should be chasing 20 year-old guys. I'm guessing they are not your thing (they were never mine either)

For a fling: Absolutely

For a long-term relationship: Nah

Are you asking cos you want our honest opinions? You sound dismissive.

He’s an old man by definition.
Yes, it’s weird! One, or both of you has issues. Fine if you both do.

I was almost 19 and DH was 42 when we started dating 27 years ago.

i had no interest in men my own age after seeing the way they behaved and their expectations of women (which seem to have got even worse now, in part due to smartphones and porn. ) DH (who was a care worker back in 1992) wasnt the only older man i dated I also dated a hospital porter 21 years my senior and a delivery driver 17 years my senior. (ive mentioned their professions to show it wasnt about money which is another assumption that is often made)

Do be prepared for gossip and hostility though.

Creepy as fuck. Just no.

I myself like the older man but that is just too old!! Hell naw!! Tho I'm curious to see what this 'stallion' looks like LMAO.

No it’s grim. If it was my dad I’d think he was having some kind of mid life crisis and I’d think you were a gold digger and would want nothing to do with you.

And realistically very few people go into situations thinking long term but realistically when you’re his age he’ll be dead, and while people say that anyone can die at any time, the likelihood of an old man dying before you is almost 100% not to mention the illnesses which befall the older generation, dementia, Parkinson’s, the need to go into a care home by the time you’re in your 40’s. and forget about a sex life beyond about the next five or ten years or so.

Plus you’ll be isolating yourself from your own friendship group as realistically people your age aren’t going to want to hang out with a man who’s almost old enough to be their grandfather. And his friends will likely just see you as his bit of arm candy.

Just no.

Is he interested in you?

You have a liberal mother, wonder what your father would think about it?

Your view on pregnancy being slim is weird? Why would you have even thought along these lines?.....

Add to the mix you have a child, It all jist sounds a bit messy.

I don't have any daddy issues, no. Dad still very present in my life, if not a little reserved like he is with everyone.

Daddy issues is a simplistic stereotype, but the stereotype is a Father who is 'reserved' and emotionally unavailable.

there's something deeply interesting about much older men. All that life experience etc

Are you sure you didn't just Google daddy issues and then copy and paste?

Never mind. I still say go for it. You can go on Saga holidays with him.

Imv as you move into a new decade, agewise, you feel 10 years younger when you hit that age, but once into the decade life catches up on you.

I'm mid 60s and feel I am, and others my age are 'feeling their age' eg more forgetful, less confidence, twinges and joint probs limiting any adventurous nature. I wouldn't hook up with a 70 year old tbh and I'm 65 - ill health can hit at any time. Sorry to be pessimistic but very it's risky, he might be the lively and young at heart oldie but ime more likely the grumpy and not that fit oldie.

My mum's 67. She has fairly full blown dementia, which started when she was 61.

Fine for a fling but anything more than that you’d be nuts. In 10-20 years time you’ll be wiping his bum as his carer - potentially anyway. No way to spend what should be the best years of your own life.

I know plenty of people who became fathers in their 50s and 60s, I really don't think fertility drops that much in all men at that sort of age.