He's 35 years older... Is it okay?

[SummerIsNearer]

Or is it completely 'wrong'? This is between two consenting adults obviously.

This is somewhat lighthearted. But I do wonder, is there ever a time where someone can just be too old and people would rightly question it?

It would purely be a bit of sex, I think. Nothing more. I fancy him by the bucket loads and he looks amazingly well for someone of his age. He is also frightfully intelligent.

If people saw us kissing goodbye, would they think it particularly odd that I look so much younger?

I'm really just after your personal opinion

My mum thinks go for it. Sister thinks I'm bloody mad. Friend thinks it's a bit too much of a gap.

The casual agism on these forums is hilarious.

56 is an old man?!

It’s too much, love. Seriously.

Whatever you do, do NOT get pregnant.

Well a lot of people have significant health issues from their late fifties onwArds so he could need a lot of care by his mid sixties. 🤷🏻‍♀️. But at the end of the day it's up to you. How old are your children op?

Your mum is selling you off cheap, by the way. What’s going on there, OP? That’s kind of sad. It’s like what? First sign of an older sugar daddy, just sex, and your mum thinks that’s good enough for you? Aim higher.

OP is this you..?!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3516599-what-things-have-terribly-disappointed-you-light-hearted

Someone letching after a girl 35 years younger than them is a grim old letch though. That’s not ageist it’s a fact. What can a 58 year old possibly have in common with a 21 year old? And there is absolutely no comparison with an eleven year age gap.

Also, to the PP who said that an age difference would notice in their 30’s but not now, yes maybe with a ten year or so gap, but let’s be honest, with a 35 year gap the older you get the more it notices. 58 may still be able to lead a comparatively energetic life, but by the time the OP is 31 he will be 68, 41 he’ll be 78/almost 80, and by the time she is 51 he’ll almost certainly be dead. And if he’s not, let’s be absolutely honest, 90 year olds are not running around the garden and looking after the kids as a general rule, most of them have failing health, many have dementia and other age-related illnesses and even their children are likely older than their 35 years younger partner.

Let’s not pretend that objections are about ageism. People who are of that age generally live their life according to their age, and with others of their age. Would the 58 year old be happy for his friends to be letching after his daughters I wonder?

Are you sure he's frightfully intelligent?

Please tell me he's not your lecturer/professor. These men were not hot in their twenties, thirties, but weirdly get to forties and fifties and young women start throwing themselves at them because they believe them to be frightfully intelligent. Some are but most are not, well, not more intelligent than the PhD students than they are shagging.

Don't be a cliche, OP!

Oh I see

So what does your 'DH' you mention on that thread think about your new fuck buddy??

YUK!

I wouldn't be ok with it. I know consenting adults is fine but I'd not feel comfortable

56 is old for a 21 year old Jacques and you know this! It’s not again. It’s common sense!

I was 41 when DH was 56. How different was I at 41 than 21? It’s like I don’t even know that young woman from back then. At 21, I wouldn’t have been able to handle the realities that come with a man this age. We collect a lot of shit by the time we’re in our 50s. It is totally delusional to think otherwise. Too much baggage for a 21 year old to contemplate. I struggle with DH’s health issues but I manage because I’ve got a tolerance and a patience I simply didn’t have at 21.

again = agism
Sorry!

Grim. He’s 10 years older than me and you’re easily young enough to be my daughter. If one of my 50-something friends turned up with his new 21 yr old girlfriend I’d lose all respect for them in an instant.

And as for your mum giving her blessing???

So is this the 'celebrity' from your other thread?

Dude!
You’re married OP?
WTAF? What a hot mess. I’m out.

Do you actually know Ralph Fiennes?

FWB - but when the novelty wears off for you (or he can't keep up) what would you talk about?

Busted OP.

What a load of nonsense. Reported.

Yes you are right - 2 consenting, of age adults. But if I'm totally honest, I do find it creepy on the blokes part. And I would of a woman too.

Am I right in thinking you're crushing hard on this person? Is it resiprocated? If you are crushing, that's such a lovely feeling, since I had my hysterectomy I don't fancy anyone or anything (even my husband of 28 years) - I miss it, enjoy it - regardless of what happens.

Ah so this is just a celebrity crush then? A fantasy? Not actually real then.....

Well, in terms of celebrities I think that we all know why younger women go for the older men, and it doesn’t have anything to do with intelligence or sex and everything to do with how much money they earn.

I mean that 20 something yo who has had mick jagger’s baby is totally not in it for the money, oh no..... .

And the older celebrities know that they can snare any woman they want with a flash of the credit card. All a bit seedy all round really on both sides....

Haha! So this isn’t even real just a fantasy?? You can fuck anyone u want in a fantasy you muppet

Don't talk about Ralph like that! I've seen him in real life (I'm nearly 50 myself) and DAMN, he is fine!

Fantasy fuck with Ralph Fiennes

Does your mum know Ralph Fiennes?

It is a big gap
HOWEVER you're not a child, you're not even an 18 yo with no life experience. If you wanna have sex with him, go for it.

HOWEVER your chances of getting pregnant because he's 56 are NOT slim! Men's fertility doesn't drop the way women's does. Unless he's had the snip, there is still a decent chance of pregnancy if you don't use protection. Although the decline is steep, it's comparable to the no of pregnancies in the late teens / early 20's and is skewed by lack of opportunity as many men in their 50's are having sex with post menopausal women. Ere tile disfunction is more a concern.

So, safe sex, don't introduce to your child if he's just FWB, ignore everyone else who isn't in the relationship.