He's 35 years older... Is it okay?

[SummerIsNearer]

Or is it completely 'wrong'? This is between two consenting adults obviously.

This is somewhat lighthearted. But I do wonder, is there ever a time where someone can just be too old and people would rightly question it?

It would purely be a bit of sex, I think. Nothing more. I fancy him by the bucket loads and he looks amazingly well for someone of his age. He is also frightfully intelligent.

If people saw us kissing goodbye, would they think it particularly odd that I look so much younger?

I'm really just after your personal opinion

My mum thinks go for it. Sister thinks I'm bloody mad. Friend thinks it's a bit too much of a gap.

Crustaceans ShadyLady53 perhaps we should have a 'older male lecturers' warning thread.

It seems like you want validation of your decision.

In a purely sexual relationship, I guess it shouldn't matter. But to look at the bigger picture it perpetuates the idea that men can treat women they've forged a life with badly because there's always someone younger round the corner ready to step in.

In reality there's a risk it will end up being more than just sex, which opens the door to concerns about a power imbalance, a generational gap of culture and expectations, the possibility of a child, concerns if he has adult children already who may react badly.

I don't think I would have felt like that at 21 though. In fact at 19 I went out with someone who was 36 and completely cringe at it now. I did get much more involved than I meant to and really fucked my life up for a number of years. It's only with hindsight that I can see how unhealthy and borderline abusive the relationship was. Thank goodness I went on to meet my lovely DH (who is 18 months younger!)

Oh bugger - I should have RTFT before posting !

Oh hang on I missed the reveal...

Well in that case you are definitely being unreasonable as I have beef with RF. He doesn't know this btw but feel free to let him know during pillow talk there's a MN who wants a word!

Oh for God's sake! I've read the whole way through the thread and then discovered that it's some fantasy celeb crush and something that's never actually going to happen.
OP, judging by this thread you're way too immature to be having a 'relationship' with any 56 year old, let alone Ralph Fiennes.

Now, I'm going back to the real world

I've always gone for older men and my first dh was 20 years older than me. Unfortunately he died of cancer when I was in my 20s.

The age gap you have is very big and you risk getting involved in caring for him. Some people are lucky and remain healthy until old age, but health problems often occur in middle age and then cause tiredness, pain and general lack of energy and strength for years until disability sets in.

If you're willing to risk these issues, then go for it, but never underestimate the hardship of being a carer or of losing your sex life due to him being too debilitated to manage it. If you're planning on having children with him, make sure you're married first, have a will in place and he needs good life insurance.

The 'reveal' was a rumble by another poster.

Otherwise we'd still be dishing out the real advice

Now I teach at a university grin. I agree middle aged lecturers who have these kind of patterns are ten a penny.

I do too. 😁 They definitely are.

@Springisallaround Possibly. Although we’d probably scare all the parents of university applicants on the HE board threads.

Mick Jagger still at it? Oh well, OP, help the aged.

Hmm, yes he looks particularly hot here. I’ve always had a soft spot for a man without a nose.

I'm 48 and I have a 53 year old man interested in me and I've been wondering if he's too old!

That's not an age gap. I've been out with men 7 years older than me and not noticed it.

Fiennes is hot, it's true. Good luck with that little fantasy OP.

I had a long relationship with some one 39 years older. The age gap was never an issue. He was just very awkward and could be very selfish when he wanted to be. Still friends now. But I don't really want to see him anymore.

I'm not sure why a picture of Voldie... Here is an accurate representation of the fabulous Fiennes.

DH has discovered this thread no doubt and is rolling his eyes He's a Mumsnet watcher.

*is being shared

What a stupid thread, and what a stupid waste of time.

And no, you DIDN'T say 'lighthearted' in your thread title.

Get a life! Get a job. Get a grip.

What a waste of everyone's time.

Hopp What on earth makes you think I haven't got a job? Because I'm on MN during a weekday?

I'm currently off for a week since I didn't take enough holiday last year.

Hopp I never claimed to have said lighthearted in the thread titled. I said it in the OP.

You needn't comment at all if you're so sincerely annoyed by the whole thing

"Most posters on here are considering a 56 year old to be an old man who is nearly ready for nursing care"

Yet if a 56 year old was able to claim his state pension at that age there would be outrage.

Don't worry my celebrity crush is nearly 70 🤣

Actually OP you DID say earlier that you had said lighthearted in the title. Maybe re read your own comments rather than spend so much time patting yourself on the back.

Lots of negative comments on this thread!

My DH is 25 years older than me - just turning 60 and I'm mid-30s. The age gap can feel tricky sometimes but I love him to pieces and he adores me. Our friends and families are delighted we've got together and nobody gives a monkey's about the age difference.

No Daddy issues and I'm definitely not a gold digger, we are poor as church mice 😆

OP, go for it if you want. If it's only sex it'll be a fun experience (assuming he's up for it obv). You don't have to marry and settle down with him!

Note to self: read all the way through the thread before posting.

Sigh!