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Original poster

Can I speak to HR about my anxiety over colleague's health?

210 replies

SilverRingEarrings · 21/02/2019 18:43

I share an office with another woman and have done for 5 years. She has documented health problems concerning her lungs and breathing. She's been hospitalised at least once each winter.

This year has been particularly bad but she is still coming into work. She looks ghastly and her breathing is very laboured. She admits to feeling unwell.

I am really, really scared of her collapsing and having to try and deal with that situation on my own. It keeps me awake at night. I have never seen anyone so poorly that hasn't been in a care home or hospital tbh.

Our manager is in the same wing but isn't always there. I could be on my own when something happened to her Shock

Will HR be able to do anything? I unofficially raised it before and was told she cannot be sent home.

OP posts:
Witchend · 22/02/2019 12:32

I was in the situation last year where a colleague collapsed totally out of the blue and subsequently died.
Coming from that it does feel terribly callous for you to be saying "I'm so worried that if she collapses, I'll have to deal with it."
We weren't ready for it to happen. We dealt with it. We had to.

However in your situation I'd say the best thing to do is have a conversation about it. Not in a "oh it's so hard on poor me worrying about it" but in a "I am worried about you. Might you need medical assistance? What should I do if you seem to be struggling for breath and I'm concerned?"

Ask her if there is danger of her collapsing-there may not be any more than any other member of your workforce, and what she would like you to do if that is the case. She may say it sounds terrible, but actually there is no immediate danger at all-I know someone who sounds like a steam train, but they are not likely to collapse at any time.

And go on a first aid course. We have people on our first aid course who cannot do everything due to health issues or disability, but the aim is to give you confidence to assist in the way you can do best. Everyone should go on one anyway.

rosinavera · 22/02/2019 12:34

@FissionChip5 - that last comment made you sound like you just like being argumentative for the sake of it.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 22/02/2019 13:21

OP, MN turns into a loony bin at times ... and this is one of them.

I think you do need to speak to someone. I'd be speaking to my manager first and, if that didn't work, to HR. Ultimately, your colleague is responsible for her wellbeing at work, but at the moment that is intruding because you are the only person around her. I hope you manage to get things sorted out, and she gets whatever help is clearly missing right now.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 22/02/2019 14:17

some posters have assumed that because the OP has concerns relating to how she can cope with her colleagues illness that she isn't concerned about the individual herself.

THIS!!!!!

The two things- being concerned about colleague and being worried/anxious about how the OP herself would cope- are not mutually exclusive! Surely being worried about how she’d cope makes it more likely that the OP does actually care about colleague as a person?

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 22/02/2019 15:53

that last comment made you sound like you just like being argumentative for the sake of it.

WTF
Do you mean some people come to threads just to be contrary? Just to pass the time?
Shock

Surely not... Grin

limitedperiodonly · 22/02/2019 20:43

Has your work told you that you are responsible for this woman or is it something you just feel?

Angelf1sh · 23/02/2019 05:33

Why are you making such a big deal out of it? If something happens then call 999, otherwise just get on with your day. Having sleepless nights over it is an abnormal response and worth speaking to a dr about. Your anxiety is abnormal but would you like it if someone talked to hr about it behind your back?

It very much reads like your preferred outcome is that she stops coming to work because it would make your life easier, can you see how selfish that makes you sound? She’ll have had discussions with her drs and her managers about returning to work and it’s obviously been decided she’s fine to do so. The fact that you disagree is neither here nor there, she’s entitled to be there and get on with her job without you freaking out about it and trying to get her sent home.

Heatherjayne1972 · 23/02/2019 07:11

theres some nasty people around
Wow

Anyway op would it help to have a ‘plan of action’.?
Eg
Speak to manager
Ask colleague if she has inhaler / meds etc
If colleague collapses
1.call 999.
2.Get help
3.try to keep colleague comfortable

It is scary when people collapse
It’s ok to feel like you do

TheNoodlesIncident · 23/02/2019 17:08

Witchend, it sounds like the situation with your unfortunate colleague was totally unexpected and therefore nobody had worries or anxieties about your colleague's health prior to that. This isn't quite the same as OP is worrying about her colleague and the possibility that she may need emergency help at any time.

Astonishing how some earlier posters are accusing OP of being heartless, while apparently completely oblivious of how lacking in empathy they are being themselves. I can sympathise with both OP and OP's colleague, it's not difficult to appreciate how nervous OP is becoming and the difficulties experienced by her colleague.

zzzzz · 23/02/2019 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitziK · 23/02/2019 17:35

Try and look at it from the point of view of the colleague;

Person: 'I have a lung condition. I have been hospitalised for it in the past. I work and my employers are supportive in my continuing to work whilst Occupational Health and my medical team are happy it is safe for me to do so.

However, the woman I work in an office with is trying to get me sent home when I'm having a bad day, says she doesn't want to have to deal with me if I become ill, makes comments about my dying in front of her and has posted on a well known forum about how awful it is for her to have to hear my breathing, that I look terrible, that I sound like I should be in hospital and asks is there any way she can force my employer to make me work somewhere else where she doesn't have to hear/see me.

I'm obviously not happy that I look like shit, have breathing difficulties and might die, but it feels as though she's trying to get me dismissed or moved to make it more comfortable for her, even though she says it's only because she's upset to see and hear me in this state and is worried for my welfare'.

Union Rep: If she continues to do those things, she is directly discriminating against you under the terms of the Equalities Act. If her employers do not take steps to protect you from her actions, they will also be guilty of discrimination. I would suggest that you submit a formal grievance against her and she can then either be trained, told clearly that this is illegal and potentially constitutes Gross Professional Misconduct or, if it is proven to be something she has continued despite already being told this, she can be dismissed. Even if she claims that it is out of concern for you, it is still illegal and your employer have no choice but to take action against her if this continues, or they are laying themselves open to a Tribunal finding in your favour. How do you wish to proceed?

Person: 'I want her to stop. How do I submit a formal grievance?'

rosinavera · 23/02/2019 18:12

If the OP was still here I would call this bullying!! :-(

zzzzz · 23/02/2019 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndhowcouldIeverrefuse · 23/02/2019 19:19

the woman I work in an office with is trying to get me sent home

Fiction. Isn't there a board for that sort of thing? Start your own thread.

zzzzz · 23/02/2019 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1457017537 · 23/02/2019 19:28

Op is it asthma or COPD. Could she keep a portable nebuliser and the meds in the office in case she needs help. Also does she have sufficient preventer inhalers with her at all times. I can understand your concern but this colleague needs to be proactive herself as she knows her condition. You can of course help her, but it is not your responsibility to be a Carer.

rosinavera · 23/02/2019 19:31

@zzzzzz - The OP is asking (or was asking as now she is long gone!!) for support with a difficult situation. I'm sorry about your daughter, I really am but OP is allowed to be concerned about herself and her colleague and shouldn't be made to feel as if she is being selfish to want to talk to her manager for an action plan.

zzzzz · 23/02/2019 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosinavera · 23/02/2019 19:41

This is pointless! :-(

SinisterBumFacedCat · 23/02/2019 20:36

Hopefully the Op has had a lesson in empathy Wink

NCKitten · 23/02/2019 21:29

@zzzzz OP was called a heartless ***. That comment was deleted after I reported it. Nowhere does the OP say she wants the woman sent home, that is something PPs have wrongly read into her posts.

limitedperiodonly · 23/02/2019 21:43

I'd much rather work with the person SilverRingEarrings is working with than the woman I'm working with now, Be careful what you wish for OP.

zzzzz · 23/02/2019 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 23/02/2019 22:44

However, the woman I work in an office with is trying to get me sent home when I'm having a bad day,
Hasn’t happened - OP said that she was told the colleague couldn’t be sent home, not that that’s what she asked. Could have been “can we do anything to help colleague?” “Well we can’t send her home”.
says she doesn't want to have to deal with me if I become ill
And that’s not the OP’s job. She hasn’t said she’s not going to help, but she doesn’t want to. And she doesn’t want to sit there waiting for the emergency to happen. She’s not a paramedic.
makes comments about my dying in front of her
Hasn’t happened

and has posted on a well known forum about how awful it is for her to have to hear my breathing, that I look terrible, that I sound like I should be in hospital
Has posted about how anxious it makes her. Because she is worried about her colleague’s well-being, and worried about being the person on whom someone’s health might rest.

and asks is there any way she can force my employer to make me work somewhere else where she doesn't have to hear/see me.
Didn’t happen. OP posted considering a suggestion to her employer that they both be moved, to where there are more people.

NOWHERE has the OP said that she wants or is trying to get her colleague sent home. The OP does not want to be the one responsible for someone else’s health in an emergency. That’s fair enough. She has not said that she wouldn’t phone 999 or do her best to help colleague. But it is stressing her out to constantly be on the alert for this and worrying about her colleague. She wants some help with that. That seems completely fair enough to me.

GoGoGadgetGin · 23/02/2019 23:00

she can then either be trained you don't mean OPs employers HR will state OP would be forced to attend training to learn to do first aid? Or be fired?