Can I speak to HR about my anxiety over colleague's health?

[SilverRingEarrings]

I share an office with another woman and have done for 5 years. She has documented health problems concerning her lungs and breathing. She's been hospitalised at least once each winter.

This year has been particularly bad but she is still coming into work. She looks ghastly and her breathing is very laboured. She admits to feeling unwell.

I am really, really scared of her collapsing and having to try and deal with that situation on my own. It keeps me awake at night. I have never seen anyone so poorly that hasn't been in a care home or hospital tbh.

Our manager is in the same wing but isn't always there. I could be on my own when something happened to her

Will HR be able to do anything? I unofficially raised it before and was told she cannot be sent home.

[SilverRingEarrings]

I'm missing it too Judge. I was under the impression that you very rarely encountered someone ill enough to be hospitalised unless you had some sort of medical training.

[Meandmetoo]

Op if it helps, chest infections, bronchiolitis, asthma, various breathing issues etc etc can all sound way worse than they are. You could email your manager/hr if they are aware how bad she sounds, then you have done your "duty of care" as a fellow employee by raising it that way and putting your mind at rest that you've at least spoken to someone.

How is the company in general about employee welfare? Are they the sort who would have had discussions with her about her health do you think or are they a bit shit about that sort of thing?

[theharlotletter]

You don't need any medical training to call for help. Just go to the next office and ask them to call an ambulance, or if you don't want to walk just shout for help. I think you need to get over yourself.

[Meandmetoo]

Op, you are sounding a bit self centered and not genuinely concerned at all. If you do raise this at work maybe try and practice what you'd say with someone who would be able to give you some constructive criticism about how you come across.

Are you young and is she quite a bit older by any chance?

[Gina2012]

Great- so in the event she collapses I'll also mind my own fucking business then, yeah?

No

You'll call 999 and keep her comfortable until the ambulance arrives

You really are being very selfish imo

Stop thinking about what the world can do for you and start thinking about what you can do for the world

[Slapdasherie]

Another course of action, OP, would be to show a skerrick of human decency.

I hope if you ever need first aid that there is someone there who is not as self-serving and callous as you.

JudgeRules , it isn’t weird to care about another person, but the OP doesn’t. She is only taking about the impact on herself, not the sick colleague.

[EustaciaVye]

A stress at work is having an impact on your own health and it is perfectly acceptable to speak to your manager and ask for help in dealing with that.

Clearly this lady has issues and that is a problem, but the two things need to be dealt with as different issues. It is not unreasonable for you to ask to be located somewhere with more people so that you dont have sole responsibility should something happen, especially as it is causing anxiety and impacting you in this way.

Try and continue to be sympathetic to this lady as she cant help being ill, and she would probably be quite upset if she knew her illness was causing you distress. Hopefully your manager and HR will be supportive to you too.

[Ivegotthree]

OP you sound awful!

[starzig]

What your preferable outcome be OP?

[OhTheRoses]

Yes, I think you should go to HR. They will be able to sign post you to support for you. They will also be able to ensure a proper risk assessment and action plan is put in place for your colleage and that H&S have input too.
Absolutely the right thing to do. HR Director advising.
I am sorry this is putting you in a stressful situation. Good organisations put employee wellbeing at the heart of what they do - for all employees.

[SilverRingEarrings]

WTF? I sit with half an eye and an ear on someone for six hours a day in case they stop breathing and I'M NOT A MEDIC! Of course I'm stressed about it!

It's not like being the regular first aider, I'm waiting to call 999!

[GoFiguire]

What do you do at the weekends?

[BuildAParsnip]

I understand why you'd feel distressed by this. I'd talk to my manager and HR.

[SilverRingEarrings]

Kick puppies and knock over elderly ladies, as I am a heartless bitch.

[Meandmetoo]

Op, genuinely, how likely is it your workplace would have someone working there at death's door? Are they a decent employer?

[NCKitten]

I really don't understand why the OP is getting such a roasting. It doesn't matter whether she cares for her colleague's well-being or not, that's not what the OP is about (and, as pointed out, she does not have a duty of care towards her colleague). The OP is asking whether it would be reasonable to discuss the situation with HR, as it is causing her distress. The ill woman's needs do not trump those of the OP, they both have a right to work in an environment that does not cause them undue stress. Posters saying OP should mhob, get help for her anxiety, sounds young or is a heartless bitch - how would you feel if you posted on here about a situation that caused you upset and people replied like that??

OP, FWIW I would talk to HR. Make sure it's a constructive conversation: outline your concrete concerns and, if appropriate, suggest solutions. Make clear you are sympathetic to your colleague's plight, but explain that it is making work difficult for you. I would not share how much distress it is causing you, as you do seem disproportionately anxious. I absolutely do not mean that in an unkind way! I get overly anxious too. I would also seek help for your anxiety, separately to whatever you decide to do wrt your colleague. Good luck

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

I think OP is getting a bit of a kicking but it's hard I work in an environment and have dine for twenty years that demands a level of robustness,OP part of the reason I suspect you are getting this response is it's hard for us expected to have a level of robust and self reliance professionally to understand the issue

For example it would be a really odd statement in my world that you wouldn't come across someone needing hospitalization without being in the medical community...i am not but am often around it so if people do jobs like mine we may unconsciously find this odd

However I suspect my dm would have the same response as you

I suspect you can talk to HR but the reality is I suspect very little will happen

They can't fire her for being at work and you being anxious

Maybe they can move you to an office with others but hard to know as we don't know what the layout is like

You do come across as over anxious and panicky in your posts so I would say you will have to speak to someone in HR AS you can't really carry on reacting like this especially if you are losing sleep

[SileneOliveira]

Why is the OP getting such a kicking?

She hasn't said she doesn't care about her colleague.

She has said she doesn't want the responsibility of being in sole charge of a seriously ill person until the ambulance gets there. The colleague is not an otherwise well person who could fall suddenly ill - that can happen to anyone. She's an ill person who routinely needs hospital admission with breathing difficulties.

It would be reasonable to ask HR to look into the situation and see if there's anything practical that can be done. Move the desks into an area with more people around. Move the person with the illness onto a lower floor, closer to the main entrance. Or leave the ill person where she is, and move the OP somewhere else. Definitely speak to HR in confidence, OP. They won't be able to discuss the specifics of your colleague's illness, but should address the distress it is causing you.

[BuildAParsnip]

I don't think it is at all fair to call the OP a heartless bitch.

[spugzbunny]

Has she stopped breathing or collapsed at work?

In case she does in the future, you should not leave her to get help please. Call 999 or your security desk or a colleague from your desk phone or mobile and stay with her.

If she is collapsing regularly then yes, work should be making sure she has the necessary support. That may include working in an environment suited to her condition where she can seek help as needed. First aiders should be in a close enough position to help so she may need to be moved.

If she isn't collapsing regularly and you are just concerned that she will based on what you, an untrained person thinks, then yes you are being silly and you need to reign it in a bit.

[KurriKurri]

I think we all need to know how to deal with an emergency situation, whether it be at work at home or walking down the street. People collapse, have accidents, become suddenly unwell. This woman may have underlying problems which make her possibly more likely to become unwell, but it could happen to anyone you work with or anyone elsewhere and you may be the nearest person.

The bast way to beat anxiety over the situation is to arm yoursef with knowledge - find out what to do in an emergency situation, go over in your head what you would do. maybe even practice what you would do at home, so you are confident that you can make her comfortable call the emergency services and follow any instructions they may give you over the phone

My niece has epilepsy - she has not been employed in the past because people don't understand her condition and are frightened o it - but if she has a seizure it just requires people to remain calm and follow certain sensible steps, which can be easily learnt. People with health conditions should not be denied employment because others are anxious about what to do in an emergency. Learn what to do and you will be less anxious.

The basic requirements are obvious and common sense (I've had to deal with several emergency situations both at work and in the street)
keep calm, phone emergency services and stay with person and talk to them in a calm comforting way while you wait for help. It's great if you can get some first aid training so you know how to do CPR - but actually when you call 999 they will tell you what to do.

You could ask your work to install an emergency alarm for you so that if the lady becomes unwell you can immediately summon help to deal with the situation as well.
Ultimately we are all responsible for being able to offer help to anyone around us - stranger or known to us - who may become suddenly unwell.

[chocomug]

Mind your own business!

[Drum2018]

I'd also be a bit nervous to be working in an office with an ill person for the reasons you have pointed out. She may have COPD which is just going to be ongoing and I assume she's on medication. But she can hardly leave work because of it. I'd ask her to advise you if there is anything you could do in the event her breathing deteriorates - ask if she has a written plan, in the same way a nut allergy sufferer would have an emergency plan. Ask her if she keeps inhalers near her desk for instance, and which one she'd need if her breathing got worse at work. You wouldn't have to administer meds but if you simply knew what she needed then you may feel a bit more relaxed about what to do. And of course you would also call 999 and you could scream up the corridor for assistance. As for listening to her breathing, that could be annoying so could you have a radio on to try and distract you, or wear discreet ear plugs. I wheeze with asthma and it annoys me, let alone anyone around me.