Can I speak to HR about my anxiety over colleague's health?

[SilverRingEarrings]

I share an office with another woman and have done for 5 years. She has documented health problems concerning her lungs and breathing. She's been hospitalised at least once each winter.

This year has been particularly bad but she is still coming into work. She looks ghastly and her breathing is very laboured. She admits to feeling unwell.

I am really, really scared of her collapsing and having to try and deal with that situation on my own. It keeps me awake at night. I have never seen anyone so poorly that hasn't been in a care home or hospital tbh.

Our manager is in the same wing but isn't always there. I could be on my own when something happened to her

Will HR be able to do anything? I unofficially raised it before and was told she cannot be sent home.

[NCKitten]

Mental health problems are classed as a disability too. Yet you seem more than happy to kick OP when she's down already. It's not a zero-sum game, OP shouldn't have to suffer so her colleague's rights are protected, nor vice versa. It should be entirely possible for them to both work in comfort.

[rosinavera]

@zzzzzz She is concerned for her and worried that she wouldn't cope if the poor lady collapsed!

[Bearchild]

Do you know what she's actually got? Are you friends enough to say to her that your concerned about her health and what would she like you to do if she collapses? She might be desperately skint and trying to make ends meet or if she's got long term health condition she'll likely know her limits anyway so knows when she feels ok to work and when not to.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

“Susie - can I say something - I feel really awkward but please just hear me out. Your breathing seems to be really bad at the moment. I’m a bit worried about you. Are you ok? Should you be in work at the moment? Are work pressuring you to come in? Is there anything I can do to help? Is there anything I need to know in order to be able to support you as a colleague?”

[grinningcheshirecat]

It sounds like the noisy difficult breathing scares you a bit OP. It can sound horrible, don't you think? Just remind yourself that as long as she is rattling she is breathing. Even if she does collaps it will be due to too little oxygen, she won't die instantly. My FIL had severe copd and collapsed a few times. MIL called the ambulance and he was fine after treatment. At the end of his life he couldn't have gone to work, so she'll be better than that if she's still coming in. You can call the ambulance and wait.

And just to be clear: her health is not your responsibility.

[Popandcrackle]

I’m a HR manager, my first question would be “what do you want from this discussion” OP. If it’s just to alert HR to the lady’s condition that’s fine but actually I’d be expecting that to come from a line manager. So I’d recommend talking to them about your colleague but also your own anxiety and how/if occupational health could support you.

[Crockof]

I read it as she doesn't want to be around someone who is disabled. No I don't want to chase op off but I disagree

[rosinavera]

@zzzzzz Well that certainly isn't how I read it and I can perfectly understand how harrowing it must be to listen to someone struggling for breath and I wouldn't say I was a particularly anxious person! It is a big responsibility for the OP and I think she has every right to talk to her line manager for guidance on this.

[MitziK]

You're sounding very close to discriminating against her due to her disability, as you're concerned about the effect her illness/condition has on you.

If it comes down to it, an employer will get rid of the person discriminating long before they get rid of the person with a Protected Characteristic under the terms of the Equalities Act.


Perhaps you would be better placed somewhere you aren't confronted by the horror of seeing disabled people outside a hospital ward or home. Like indoors. You might still have to deal with the sight of them on the way to the jobcentre and whilst waiting for the (quite possibly disabled) work coach to tell them you can't be expected to be around disabled people, but at least you won't be working with them.

[HeyThoughIWalk]

Why are people suggesting that the OP is selfish for being anxious about this?

I've worked with an epileptic colleague, and sometimes it would be just the two of us (travelling to another office, usually). I'd be a bit nervous at times (she seemed to take fits in "clusters", so she'd have several over a short space of time, and then none for a few weeks etc - if she had had a few fits recently, I'd be nervous that another one was coming).

I was nervous because I wanted to make sure that I'd do the right thing in an emergency, and I was a bit scared that I'd freak out and not be able to cope, and my colleague would somehow end up injuring herself or something.

On the other hand, another colleague never gave it a second thought, precisely because she was extremely selfish, and, on one occasion that the first colleague did have a fit in the office, colleague 2 just called an ambulance and left her fitting in the corner. Colleague 2 couldn't have cared less if colleague 1 had hurt herself; as far as she was concerned, she'd done all she was legally required to do, and that was the end of it.

OP, you're getting a hard time. I'd suggest as a first step, having a chat with your colleague to establish whether she really is likely to collapse without warning, and what she would need you to do in that case. If you're comfortable with her response, great. If not, then establish what it is you're not comfortable with (eg if you faint at the sight of blood, and there's a possibility she'll be coughing blood up), and then discuss that with your line manager and see what options there are.

[rosinavera]

@zzzzzz Of course we should but the OP is asking for guidance on what to do because she is in fear for her colleague's health and her ability to cope if she collapsed.

[rosinavera]

@ MitziK - God give me strength!!!!

[Klopptimist]

Mumoftwoyoungkids has the best plan of action. Just ask.

[AndhowcouldIeverrefuse]

We're quite isolated, as we're at the top of a corridor.

That is not isolated

It is. OP goes to the toilet. Colleague collapses and is not discovered for 10 minutes. I think HR could do more to help.

A concerned OP asking for advice in a tricky situation- some deeply nasty answers with people projecting and with massive chips on their shoulders. There has been some constructive advice that I hope the OP can use.

[youarenotkiddingme]

I'm assuming all those who are being nasty have never had to deal with a RL medical emergency where someone's life if actually in your hands?

It's hard.

I was in my early 20's when I had to resuscitate a member of public in the middle of a terrible storm whilst waiting 45 minutes for an ambulance. Then I had to wait with body until the police and undertakers turned up. (Not U.K.) it's never left me.

MY job now entails this but I chose my job and have a wealth of training on each person to know how to deal with it. I don't work in medicine but what I do involves working with extremely poorly people. I've had to call ambulances numerous times but whilst I wait what happened is my call and my responsibility.

No one suggests this woman has no right to work. What they are suggesting is looking at how to accommodate everyone better.

[FissionChip5]

All the op had to do is phone an ambulance if the colleague collapses. It’s really not difficult at all.

How can she not cope with dialling 999? It’s three numbers.

[jackio2205]

Wow, lots of messages here, some not so pleasant, sorry about that OP.

Im in HR and it's difficult to give you an answer as to what Hr can do. Lets break it down and ask 'what do you want HR to do'.

I'm sure they're doing what they can do to work with ur colleague, looking at reasonable adjustments etc, but if not there's not much you can do there other than to advise ur colleague to push for support, u cant do that on her behalf.

If it's causing you anxiety then the solutions to that would either be for you to get training/advice/a plan so you know what to do in that situation, whether u have to use it or not, oooooor you may need to speak to a mental health professional around techniques to help woth anxiety.

Failing either of these then it may be a case of being redeployed, but I'd personally recommend a combo of first two options to start with

X

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

You need to speak to HR even if it’s just to tell you there’s nothing they can do. I don’t know if that’s what would happen but it might.

How old is your colleague?

[Dothehappydance]

We have no idea how ill or not the colleague is. For those saying that if she was that ill she wouldn't be at work must have missed the current situation with disability out of work benefits. She may have no choice but to work, we simply don't know.

A pp has the best advice, speak to the colleague and ask her what she wants and then approach a line manager if any adjustments are required, such as some kind of panic button.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Get some ear plugs if here wheezing really bothers you that much. People are allowed to be part of life even when sick or disabled. Most people want to help that happen for those less fortunate. It’s called inclusion.

That’s not nasty, it’s a fair and valid point.

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

I can perfectly understand how harrowing it must be to listen to someone struggling for breath and I wouldn't say I was a particularly anxious person!

Can you imagine being that person struggling for breath?