Can I speak to HR about my anxiety over colleague's health?

[SilverRingEarrings]

I share an office with another woman and have done for 5 years. She has documented health problems concerning her lungs and breathing. She's been hospitalised at least once each winter.

This year has been particularly bad but she is still coming into work. She looks ghastly and her breathing is very laboured. She admits to feeling unwell.

I am really, really scared of her collapsing and having to try and deal with that situation on my own. It keeps me awake at night. I have never seen anyone so poorly that hasn't been in a care home or hospital tbh.

Our manager is in the same wing but isn't always there. I could be on my own when something happened to her

Will HR be able to do anything? I unofficially raised it before and was told she cannot be sent home.

[CrazyKittenSmile]

Wow. I’m surprised you’re getting so much negativity. I teach in a school where a number of children have life-limiting illnesses and have had a child go into respiratory distress when I was working with him - it’s not just a case of calling 999, waiting for the ambulance and then getting on with your day. It’s a terrifying experience waiting for the ambulance as you try to do what you can to support the person until the paramedics arrive. I would feel scared if I thought I was likely to be alone with someone who was going to need an ambulance with no way of calling for support from another person.

At work we have a radio system so that if anybody is on their own with a child who is at high risk of a medical emergency they can quickly call for help. Might something along these lines be able to help your situation so that you know that I’d help were needed you could quickly have someone else there to support the two of you?

[NotTerfNorCis]

If she collapses, all you can do is call an ambulance. We have someone at work who has serious convulsions. The first time it happened, he was in a room with one person who was obviously very shocked and bewildered because he had no clue what was happening. The second time was much easier; we just made sure he couldn't hurt himself, and phoned 999. The paramedics were there in minutes.

[Meandmetoo]

Silene, do you mean leaving the colleague on her own? I can't imagine that doing the ops anxiety much good, knowing the colleague is on her own? Imagine if something awful did happen and no one is around to call for help? I'd never sleep again due to the guilt if I was the op .

But, I cannot fathom any company who would risk having someone work there as close to death as the op thinks this person is.

[NCKitten]

@chocomug the OP is minding her own business. Her colleague's health problems are causing her distress so she is asking how best to deal with this

[SileneOliveira]

No, I would assume that if the colleague is as ill as the OP indicates, then the OP could move elsewhere and someone else would take her place. Although it would appear more sensible to move both workers out of their office and into a larger area, or at least into a location with other people around.

[rosinavera]

Gosh there are some REALLY unkind posters on this thread!! OP, I understand - talk to your manager in confidence. x

[HollowTalk]

I can't understand some of the responses here.

OP, I think you should speak to HR. They can arrange for an occupational health officer to see your colleague. It might be an idea for you to have a plan in advance of what you'll do if she did collapse, in terms of contacting others.

[SD1978]

She has a chronic lung condition. She's not going to get/sound Better. You need to deal with your own health anxiety. You've not been tasked with looking after this woman, I assume she's still capable of and carrying out her job?

[Crockof]

I stand by my comment. How the fuck have we got to the point that someone's 'anxiety' about something that is fuck all to do with them trumps a person who is trying to work. I've read loads of posts slagging of colleagues that are always off sick, I can't see the problem. If she was that sick she'd be A. In hospital or B. Dead not C. At work trying to earn a living. Just get on with your own job and stop projecting

[Changenameday]

Another shocked at the responses. I’m also a teacher and first aid trained etc and had an epileptic student (absence seizures mainly), I’m not generally an anxious person but you are going to be aware of the people around you and the people around you are that unwell and you are alone then it is pressure on you, it’s v harsh to say “just call 999”

If I were you OP I’d speak to HR to say that you are concerned about the general well-being of your colleague and that you feel it is affecting you and your work as you are aware that in an emergency you and her are isolated and that the onus would be on you solely to be able to get help.

[Luckingfovely]

God you really have taken an unfair beating here OP.

I completely get why this makes you very uncomfortable and why the responsibility feels like a very great pressure.

It's not selfish to feel nervous if you are untrained medically and it feels as if you may have to be responsible for saving someone's life. It must be really stressful.

I think registering your concerns with HR would be sensible, and asking them to consider alternative arrangements to take the pressure off you might lead to something.

Good luck.

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

Cunt week on MN it seems.

[3luckystars]

Could health and safety do a risk assessment on her?

Or Maybe install a red phone like in the bat cave, dedeldeladedeledeeee button style if think her breathing is revving up.

(I am only joking, sorry for messing, but it made me laugh a huge amount thinking about the old style batman)

I can understand why you are stressed, it is a terrible situation to be in. I think your employers have a responsibility to get her checked by a medical assessor at this stage if she has been so ill. Take care.

[rosinavera]

How is it "fuck all" to do with the OP Crockof when she has to listen to the poor woman gasping and wheezing all day?! I think that's enough to heighten anyone's anxiety levels!

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

you are concerned about how you would feel if she collapsed?

Hang on, that's not really fair. Most people would feel stressed and worried if they felt the responsibility for a colleague's ill-health would fall on them in an emergency, and they didn't know what to do for the best.

OP, I'd talk to HR in conjunction with first aiders. They probably won't be able to tell you about your colleague's condition (assuming they know about it) but they should be able to tell you what to do in an emergency. Get it in writing (follow up a conversation with a 'just to clarify...' email if necessary), if only to cover your back if your colleague was taken ill, and to prove that you'd raised the issue.

Then you need to step back from the situation. She isn't your responsibility and if she's in work then she must have been deemed healthy enough to be there.

[NCKitten]

@crockof please explain where the OP (or anyone else) says that her anxiety trumps her colleague's need to work. OP is not saying she wants her colleague to get the sack, she is saying that her colleague's illness is making her feel extremely uncomfortable. This doesn't mean she has no sympathy for her colleague; the two things are not mutually exclusive. I know people feel that anxiety is often used as an excuse for weird or snowflake behaviour, but until you've suffered it, you have no idea how distressing it can be.

General point: I thought we'd moved on a bit from the fifties expecting women to always put their own needs last and always show neverending compassion only

[patchysmum]

If she admitted to you she is feeling unwell did you ask if she had seen her doctor recently? If she has COPD it will only get worse but there are things they can do like give her an inhaler or antbiotics if she has an infection.I don't see why you can not tell HR that her breathing sounds bad and how worried you are

[MotherOfDragonite]

You do sound a bit het up, OP, but I can understand your concern.

I suggest addressing it with HR in terms of whether they have done a risk assessment. If it's really that serious, then surely it's a problem if she's working somewhere so isolated? I mean, what happens when she's alone at lunch or when you have to go to the loo? A change of location could make this a whole lot safer.

Realistically speaking, I'm sure she's be in hospital already if she was really that ill. And she probably sounds worse than she is. But obviously it's not your business to be asking her about private medical information, so I can understand why you're worried.

[greendale17]

We're quite isolated, as we're at the top of a corridor.

^That is not isolated.

If she was that sick she'd be A. In hospital or B. Dead not C. At work trying to earn a living. Just get on with your own job and stop projecting

^This. OP needs to deal with her health anxiety

[Judystilldreamsofhorses]

OP, I understand how you feel, although totally different circumstances - I’m a lecturer and often have students who I know suffer from medical conditions. Even though they tend to brief me on what to do if something happens, it makes me nervous.

I am rarely on my own, which makes it easier in a way, but harder in others because I am responsible for keeping everyone calm, clearing the space, as well as dealing with the person until help arrives. A student fainted just before Christmas and it caught me blind as he had no disclosed medical issues. (Turned out he was coming down with flu, but he went down hard and smacked his head open - yikes.) I would definitely speak with your line manager as the first port of call.

[rosinavera]

A big well done to all the unkind posters on here - you seem to have chased the OP away. Enjoy your evening!

[YoureAMeanOneMrGrinch]

@SilverRingEarrings my sister left a job for this reason. A person she worked with passed out a couple of times and her anxiety got so bad regarding it that she had to quit.

I would speak to HR about your concerns, they may be able to reassure you.

[JudgeRulesNutterButter]

Another course of action, OP, would be to show a skerrick of human decency.

I hope if you ever need first aid that there is someone there who is not as self-serving and callous as you.

JudgeRules , it isn’t weird to care about another person, but the OP doesn’t. She is only taking about the impact on herself, not the sick colleague.

The OP clearly does care else she wouldn’t be worried about being in a position of responsibility for this colleague. If she didn’t care then she wouldn’t have anything to be anxious about!

(Sorry to pick on your response Slapdash, it’s not just you, but your post is very representative of many.)

The OP is worried about looking after her colleague and she’s being repeatedly told off for being selfish. It’s not in any way selfish to worry about how you would cope with saving someone’s life and to be worried that that’s an imminent situation you’ll be in.

I imagine listening to someone sounding and looking seriously ill and working with them day after day thinking that they might need me to be on the alert, notice if they took a turn for the worse, take the appropriate action- I can’t understand how PPs picturing this situation aren’t thinking “yep, sounds difficult, that would make me worry too”.

PPs who say the OP is selfish- wouldn’t your natural compassion make you worry about the colleague? Wouldn’t that worry place a burden of stress/anxiety on you?

[rosinavera]

@zzzzzz - nasty, nasty, nasty!!!!