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Original poster

Can I speak to HR about my anxiety over colleague's health?

210 replies

SilverRingEarrings · 21/02/2019 18:43

I share an office with another woman and have done for 5 years. She has documented health problems concerning her lungs and breathing. She's been hospitalised at least once each winter.

This year has been particularly bad but she is still coming into work. She looks ghastly and her breathing is very laboured. She admits to feeling unwell.

I am really, really scared of her collapsing and having to try and deal with that situation on my own. It keeps me awake at night. I have never seen anyone so poorly that hasn't been in a care home or hospital tbh.

Our manager is in the same wing but isn't always there. I could be on my own when something happened to her Shock

Will HR be able to do anything? I unofficially raised it before and was told she cannot be sent home.

OP posts:
JudgeRulesNutterButter · 22/02/2019 08:57

How can she not cope with dialling 999? It’s three numbers.

I’m starting to think people are being deliberately disingenuous. That wouldn’t give you an adrenaline jolt at all? Make you feel worried / panicky that you might get something wrong?

The self confidence of some MNers must be astounding if they can just brush this off. Or maybe they just don’t really care about other people so whether their actions have a life or death impact doesn’t matter.

Dothehappydance · 22/02/2019 09:02

Or maybe they just don’t really care about other people so whether their actions have a life or death impact doesn’t matter.

I've thought that as well, otherwise why would the op be being told to 'keep her beak out'.

Schuyler · 22/02/2019 09:03

From what you’ve said, she clearly has a respiratory condition and she had a few hospital admissions each winter which isn’t that abnormal for people with lung problems. You’re anxious about her collapsing or stopping breathing but I’m not clear if this is a real risk based on her medical history of if you’re just worried because she sounds very unwell? Respiratory problems do sound very scary but do not always mean a person will faint or do into instant respiratory arrest. Of course, her risk is higher than the average person.

There is a way to ask her and I don’t see why you don’t talk to her before talking about her. “Hey Sarah, that sounds like a horrible cough today. Are you ok? I hope it’s ok but I wanted to ask if you had a plan in place if you got really unwell at work - should I call your husband or is there anything work should know?” Where’s your manager in all this btw?

BalloonSlayer · 22/02/2019 09:10

I understand what you mean OP.

I work in an upstairs office and from time to time gentleman pops up to see me to ask me a question . He looks dreadfully ill, as if he is about to have a stroke or a heart attack any minute. I don't think there is any way he can phone me ftom where he is. He doesn't seem to be feeling misetable to be there to be honest but I always feel anxious when I see him struggling up the stairs and am talking to him and I breathe a sigh of relief when he safely returns to his office. If I told him I was worried about him I think he would be offended as I hardly know him. We don't get much time for chit chat as he is do breathless! Oh I do worry.

viccat · 22/02/2019 09:16

As you work together every day, do you not know each other well enough for you to just say "are you OK, Jane?" when she sounds particularly bad? Hopefully that will then lead to a conversation about it in a natural way.

Obviously she doesn't have to disclose anything to you but equally she might think you don't care if you don't acknowledge it? It almost sounds like an elephant in the room situation where it must be really obvious but neither of you ever mentions it.

Hollowvictory · 22/02/2019 09:18

I work in HR. Yes u should do so if you have concerns but I'd wonder why you didn't raise it with your man in the first instance. Even if they aren't always there you can call them.

Hollowvictory · 22/02/2019 09:21

A risk assessment would resolve the issues plus confirmation from her Dr or occ health that's she's fit for work and any reasonable adjustments that need to be made eg not worji in a part of the building where she may be by herself and nobody would know islf she keeled over.
Yanbu op you are being a responsible colleague.

HoppingPavlova · 22/02/2019 09:22

The fact this person turns up day after day after day after day would seem to indicate they either are not seriously ill or it’s manageable.

Not getting why anyone would be angsty about doing a First Aid course. I had my kids start as teenagers as I would think that anyone would want to be equipped to help someone who needed it as much as they possibly could.

Greyhound22 · 22/02/2019 09:26

I'm really shocked by people that won't do a first aid course because they don't want the responsibility. Maybe if you collapse one day the people around you will decide the same and just tread over your dying body.

Schuyler · 22/02/2019 09:26

@Hollowvictory how does the OP know there isn’t a risk assessment in place and she hasn’t been seen by OH? It won’t be shared with her!

Hollowvictory · 22/02/2019 09:31

^Yes valid point but the op isn't wrong to raise it if she's concerned.

Littlechocola · 22/02/2019 09:32

I’m sorry people have been so awful op. Speak to your manager. If they are unhelpful speak to hr.

Schuyler · 22/02/2019 09:40

If I was concerned about a colleague, I’d speak to my manager first and the colleague. I don’t understand why OP would go straight to HR.

rosinavera · 22/02/2019 09:49

@SinisterBumFacedCat I think that's the point....the OP can and that is why she is anxious! I also think people are being deliberately disingenuous!

@HoppingPavlova Some people just don't look after their health and push themselves to the limit. I know of a lady who had continual stomach pains. She eventually collapsed and died at work and it turned out she had a hernia which could have easily been repaired.

Janecon · 22/02/2019 09:51

I would mention it to your manager first, then decide whether to involve HR. What do you want them to do? You've said that they won't send her home, so think about what you want the outcome to be.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 22/02/2019 09:59

My dsis worked when she was ‘at deaths door’. Not because she had to. In fact, the benefits at that time (a decade ago), meant that she was actually worse off by working. That job meant... well, my sister felt a real person because of it, rather than the terminally ill patient she would have been without it. I hope nobody was resenting working with her, on the off chance she might keel over and die.

In the event, she did the decent thing and died tidily in hospital. So much nicer for her colleagues.

Meandmetoo · 22/02/2019 10:04

I do appreciate it would be awful to have to be in a situation where you're responsible for getting help, but tbf we could all be in that situation every day without knowing it. Dave in accounts could be working with a brain tumour, Sarah in customer service could have epilepsy, Jane on reception could have a stroke.

No one knows what the workplace have or haven't done to ensure this ladys welfare at work. We don't even know if she's ever had to have an ambulance called in the past. This could all be just one huge overreaction to someone living with a manageable condition.

amusedbush · 22/02/2019 10:08

All the op had to do is phone an ambulance if the colleague collapses. It’s really not difficult at all.

And if the colleague who is struggling to breathe dies while the ambulance is en route? What if there was something the OP (or anyone) could have done to keep her alive until it arrived? OP has said she doesn't want that responsibility so their current working environment needs to change.

FissionChip5 · 22/02/2019 10:16

And if the colleague who is struggling to breathe dies while the ambulance is en route?

If the colleague dies, op would’ve done all she could by phoning an ambulance.

People die every day, ops other colleagues/family member/random stranger sat next to her could die at anytime really.

FissionChip5 · 22/02/2019 10:19

OP has said she doesn't want that responsibility

She doesn’t have any extra responsibility. All she has to do is phone an ambulance like she would for any other colleague.

HoppingPavlova · 22/02/2019 10:23

The thing is at least you do have some ‘pre-warning’ with people who are obviously unwell.

The reality is we are all surrounded by people who seem relatively healthy who could suddenly suffer an event, heart attack, stroke etc. One minute OP could be having a laugh with John in accounts who seems fit and healthy enough and mid-sentence he has gone down like a sack of spuds with an aneurysm or a cardiac event. It happens. Why you wouldn’t want to equip yourself with some skills to feel more in control in this situation baffles me. I’m not saying everyone can be saved, it’s more that having the skills and knowledge that you are doing the best you possibly can in this situation (no matter the outcome) would surely make people feel more at ease as opposed to out of control and panic stricken?

Nesssie · 22/02/2019 10:30

The point is, the woman has not yet collapsed or been taken unwell at work.
If she has a history of it, and the op has had to deal with that, then fair enough. But this poor woman hasn't actually done anything wrong, shes obviously got a health issue but is able and willing to continue working.

Sorry for the op if laboured breathing is making her anxious but that's really her problem to deal with.

RitaFairclough · 22/02/2019 10:32

I had a similar situation a few years ago when one of my team was struggling very badly with his mental health. He wouldn't talk about it to me at all and I was terrified of making things worse by saying the wrong thing. I knew he had no family support and I also knew he'd moved from one side of London to the other and hadn't changed GPs so he wasn't on the right medication. I was hyper aware of him the whole time - if he was five minutes late for work, I would panic. I would text him in the evenings about silly things, just to make sure he was okay. I felt responsible for him and it was really, really stressful (I'm sure it was no picnic for him either!).

I went to HR (I went to my manager first who was useless) and they helped me and him. Helped me deal with it all, and helped him with counselling etc. It's definitely worth going to them, OP. And I think people are being really hard on you here.

HoppingPavlova · 22/02/2019 10:34

OP has said she doesn't want that responsibility

The thing is though, we all DO have a responsibility. It’s tied in with being part of a (supposed) civilised society.

You can be walking down the street and the person a few steps in front collapses. It’s really a bit shit to go ‘don’t want the responsibility’ and either step over them and continue on, or call for assistance and then refuse to provide any directed help while waiting for it to arrive because ‘don’t want the responsibility’. There is a basic expectation that you help in this situation so equipping yourself to do so would seem like a sensible thing to do.

One of my kids school had First Aid as a mandatory item for senior students at around 15yo. I think that’s fantastic. While better than nothing, I didn’t think it was enough though so my kids also did an advanced version. Because it’s a basic expectation that you help someone to the best of your ability if the need arises.

Supersoaker10 · 22/02/2019 10:37

I'd have the conversation with her. Are you ok, you seem to be struggling with your breathing? Are you fit for work as I'm concerned?

Then go and see your line manager to let them know you have spoke to her about your concerns and ask if she has approached them with any issues you should be aware of as it's only her and you in the same room.

I've had first aid training myself but not sure how I would react if I ever had to use it.