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Original poster

Teenager paying for takeaway

191 replies

dontknowwhattodo80 · 20/02/2019 14:48

Hi all!

Interested to see what others think of this first world scenario.

DS is 15. He gets pocket money every week, which sometimes he uses to buy a joint take away with friends on a Friday night ( when we aren't having a take away ). His money, his choice what he uses it for.

Tonight we have friends coming over and we're getting in pizzas ( take away). DS1 is currently out with friends and has one staying tonight. Originally they were going to be out past the point we'd be eating and would have sorted themselves out ( ordered own pizza later or eaten in town).

They're now going to be back in time and DS checked whether they'd be able to have pizza with us, which I said yes.

DH thinks that DS is being really cheeky. Effectively is expecting us to pay for something he was going to pay for himself- it's his choice to be out ( arranged before we arranged to have people round).

My stance is that we're having a take away. If DS was at home as normal he'd be having the take away with us- paid for by us. His friend is staying as our guest- so we feed him. I feel that even if DS missed the take away time with us then I'd probably give him money to sort himself out for tea.

So, after reading that essay, what would be your opinion on this?

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 21/02/2019 09:03

Lots of teenagers spend their pocket money on clothes or toiletries, given that parents also should be clothing their child etc I don't see the difference with them choosing to buy food. The OPs son is welcome to eat at home but chooses to buy takeaway instead. I think there is a lot of projecting going on here.

At worst OPs DH is guilty of being a bit tight. He must have lots of other redeeming qualities as none of us are perfect.

Karigan195 · 21/02/2019 09:03

@dontknowwhattodo80 its not exactly rocket science is it. It’s the simple difference between join us but you have to pay or that would be lovely it would be great to have dinner together and treat you. It’s rather worrying you’re even asking that to be frank...

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:09

@Karigan195 - I think you've got your wires crossed. The buying a take away is when he chooses to not eat with us. If we ever have a take away at home, and he's there, then he eats with us. We don't give him pocket money so that he gets a take away, we give him money for him to spend as he wishes

OP posts:

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spudlet7 · 21/02/2019 09:10

Try not to be too upset OP. It really doesn't matter what anonymous posters on an Internet forum think. There are a whole lot of drama llamas around who don't seem able to actually read a thread HmmYou know your husband and that's enough Thanks

IamPickleRick · 21/02/2019 09:13

Re the friend. I don’t think I could take money off a kid to pay for their dinner. It’s not really anything to do with you where his money comes from or what it’s earmarked for. You give graciously or you don’t.

If the friend were a 30yr old man earning £1k a month I’d be pissed. But he’s a kid saving his own pennies as well.

Banjax · 21/02/2019 09:16

Just can't believe the stinginess here. How can you begrudge your child a treat? Shame on your DH.

Karigan195 · 21/02/2019 09:16

@dontknowwhattodo80 no you have your wires crossed. I at no point have discussed his general habit of buying a takeaway.

I am responding to the original post saying that your DH thinks he’s cheeky to come and have takeaway with his family when he was going to pay for it.

madeyemoodysmum · 21/02/2019 09:20

He is 15 not 20? He isn’t at work full time I assume? Your dh is a massive tight arse

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:21

@IamPickleRick - I couldn't , and wouldn't, take money either.

However I don't think it's up to us to save him pennies, especially ones that had been given to him specifically to pay for his dinner - I know this is the case as I'd been talking to his mum the other day.

It doesn't bother me, as I say I wouldn't have taken it even if he'd offered it, but I don't think anyone should feel obliged to pay for a meal for someone else's child. Had he been invited to a sleep over with intention that he was turning up in time for tea then that's different, but in this scenario that wasn't the case. DS and his friends had plans to be out late into the evening and the friend was just kipping here as he couldn't get home that late.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:22

Then please read the whole thread @Karigan195 , as I updated after we'd spoken with what DH meant

OP posts:
LikeACowsOpinion · 21/02/2019 09:25

I'm sure if your son and his friend had offered up the cash, your DH would've taken it.
Be it a 'grumpy' comment or not. What a way to make a young lad and his friend feel unwelcome.
It's not cheeky in the slightest for him to ask if he and his friend can join you!
The fact he felt the need to ask speaks volumes.

Cannot abide tightness, it's one of the worst traits a human can possess.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:27

Thanks @spudlet7

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:28

Do you know my husband @LikeACowsOpinion ?

No he wouldn't have taken the money.

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 21/02/2019 09:30

You aren’t saving him pennies though. You are just treating your son and his friend to dinner which is perfectly normal behaviour. How his own money got in to his pocket is of no concern to you.

My MIL still cooks dinner for BILs best friend every week. She’s never taken a penny.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:31

Also @LikeACowsOpinion , it speaks volumes that he felt the need to ask?! So we should just always be prepared " just in case" DS and any of his friends decide to appear just as a take away appears? Do you have teenagers? There would have been no food left! Of course he needed to say!

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 21/02/2019 09:32

DH says get some Asda pizzas in for unexpected guests while you have your takeaway. Problem solved.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:36

I always have frozen pizzas in @IamPickleRick , however I'm not sure DS and his friend would be overly impressed with that whilst we're eating take away ones!

This thread is bizarre, some telling me to just suck up anything , more the merrier or you're tight fisted, to others suggesting feeding the teenagers a cheaper alternative!

OP posts:
Se7en11 · 21/02/2019 09:42

Just feed your child fgs... and any if his guests too.

my DH is an arse also

IamPickleRick · 21/02/2019 09:43

Exactly. They wouldn’t have been impressed because it’s cheap. Same as expecting a 15yo to cough up for a pizza at his mates house that you were having anyway. I just could never consider asking a kid for some of his own pocket money towards a pizza, when you are an adult with the capacity to earn a full wage.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:50

@Se7en11 - any of his guests? Really? I actually wouldn't have a problem with that ( as long as we could afford it) but I can't believe that anyone believes that there should be an expectation that if you're in someone's house they should always arrange and pay for your food. Where do you draw the line?

DS has a huge group of friends, they're regularly at each other's houses/parties. I've never known another family to pay for DS's take away - unless the plan was always that he'd be there at tea time. In fact tonight he's been invited round to a friends for her birthday and has been told he has to take money.

I'll say it again, I don't have any problem with it, always happy to sort food, arrange lifts, have friends bunk at ours as their parents won't collect them etc. DH has a different view , but that's all it is, a view. He more often than not is the one picking DS and his mates up from parties etc. I think he feels that we do a lot, and a lot of other parents don't, so he felt the request to eat pizza that we'd ordered was a cheeky one

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:53

@IamPickleRick , we had to order a lot more to feed them both. If it was a case that they'd just dip into what we'd already ordered then that's different, but no I wouldn't expect someone else's family to pay for more pizzas to feed my child

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 21/02/2019 09:54

I knew this was a step.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 09:58

Please read the whole thread @Rainatnight

OP posts:
Se7en11 · 21/02/2019 10:14

I admit I'm a little confused here.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 21/02/2019 10:28

What's confused you @Se7en11 ?

I'll start again, from the beginning, as no one seems to read the whole thread.

Yesterday DS was out with friends. All arranged at the weekend. One friend was coming back to ours with DS late last night as he couldn't get home. His mum had given him money to arrange himself some tea.

We then arranged to have friends over, for a take away. DS, yesterday lunch, said they were going to be back earlier than expected and could they have take away too.

I told DH the plan, he thought it was a bit cheeky. I MISUNDERSTOOD, and thought he meant it was cheeky that DS was coming back for his tea. I was confused as he doesn't normally have that sort of issue, but as we often have different opinions over stuff, I posted here to see if others could see why he'd think like that.

DH is "stricter" than me, I'm soft when it comes to my children - even my friends tell me so, when i do things for DS and his friends when their parents wouldn't. I'm happy with this, I like to do it. It annoys DH but he sucks it up as he knows it makes me happy.

Yes DH is DS's step dad, but that has absolutely no relevance at all. He currently has the same thoughts about DS and his friends and I know that will extend into him being a teenager.

So, after having a chat about it last night ( as I was confused by what he meant) he was horrified that I thought he meant about DS paying etc, he meant that as the friend had been given money, wasn't due to turn up until much later in the night, that it was a bit cheeky that it was asked that they could come back and we'd provide a take away for them both.

His friend wasn't going to starve, wasn't spending his own pocket money- was given money by his mum.

DH's opinion was just that, an opinion. He had no intention that they wouldn't be there, had no intention of taking money from either of them, he wouldn't have dreamt of doing that now, in the past or in the future.

He feels we ( I!) get a bit taken advantage of, as other parents wouldn't have done any of it ( providing a take away or even had the friend to stay!). I disagree, but that's me. As I say, it doesn't bother me.

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