Teenager paying for takeaway

[dontknowwhattodo80]

Hi all!

Interested to see what others think of this first world scenario.

DS is 15. He gets pocket money every week, which sometimes he uses to buy a joint take away with friends on a Friday night ( when we aren't having a take away ). His money, his choice what he uses it for.

Tonight we have friends coming over and we're getting in pizzas ( take away). DS1 is currently out with friends and has one staying tonight. Originally they were going to be out past the point we'd be eating and would have sorted themselves out ( ordered own pizza later or eaten in town).

They're now going to be back in time and DS checked whether they'd be able to have pizza with us, which I said yes.

DH thinks that DS is being really cheeky. Effectively is expecting us to pay for something he was going to pay for himself- it's his choice to be out ( arranged before we arranged to have people round).

My stance is that we're having a take away. If DS was at home as normal he'd be having the take away with us- paid for by us. His friend is staying as our guest- so we feed him. I feel that even if DS missed the take away time with us then I'd probably give him money to sort himself out for tea.

So, after reading that essay, what would be your opinion on this?

Is money really tight? As in, is buying an extra pizza a financial strain for you? Because if not, I think your OH is being a real scrooge. If my kids found out I was getting pizzas in and thus decided to stay in for dinner, I'd be happy to have them there with us!

I don’t think you can call feeding your fifteen year old child ‘being a softie’.

How odd. I think at 15, the default is that you, as his parents are paying for his meals. If he happens to be out and spending his own money then that's fine, but if plans change then there needn't be any questions.

Is your DH expecting his son to be all independent now?

Would he expect the same e.g. if a paid work meal was cancelled would he not come home for his dinner?

Fucking hell! Is your DH usually such a tight arsehole?

I can’t believe this would even be a question. It’s so normal to pay for your child’s food... unless that is you give him a substantial amount, which is to cover a weekly take away. How much pocket money do you give him and what’s it for?

No not at all @NannyRed. I think where he stands is that they weren't going to be there - so would have sorted themselves out- they then announced that they would be there and DS asked if that would mean there would be pizza for them. I said of course, DH thought that was cheeky. I think DH thought DS would pay for food ( either elsewhere or at home) with his pocket money, whereas my plan was to sort out his food cost wherever he is as we're having a treat tonight too.

He is a bit tight with money, but no doesn't generally begrudge the children of food!

Your DH sounds like a tight mofo. Your ds is 15! And it’s only pizza! Wow, these threads never fail to surprise me.

Never ever would I expect my child (or grandchild) to make a contribution either financial or ‘cheesecake’ to a shared meal in our home. If he is out with friends and they choose to get takeaway that is fine but if he is at home and everyone is tucking into pizza then of course he shouldn’t pay nor should his friend. Are your guests paying for their food? It is your son’s home.

Stop making excuses for your husband, you aren't a softy, sorry but you are a bit of a mug if you don't see your husband grudging your son a pizza as beyond ridiculous

And asking him to get a cheesecake is unreal

It does all seem a bit odd, OP. At 15yrs old your parents pay for your tea/dinner, usually. Or you have food in the house they can eat. That's not being a 'softie,' that's just being a parent.

Trust me, you aren't being "a softie" by feeding your 15 year old child. It's what parents do!

Poor DS 😩

My eldest son is 20. If he wants a takeaway he buys his own (Sometimes he even offers me one ). If I want a takeaway because I don’t want to cook I buy takeaway for every body I would have cooked for.

@NunoGoncalves - no not really, in fact if anything buying in bulk would work out cheaper than buying two separate take aways - so this would be the cheapest way!

I can't remember who made the softie comment- sorry- I mean in general I'm much softer than DH. I certainly don't think I'm soft providing food for either of my children! However I do do some stuff that makes it look like my children have me wrapped around their little finger

I think your husband is well out of order suggesting it. You feed your kids, end of. It is not being soft. Anything else is neglect. You minimising your husbands comment makes me think what else does he do to you?

@ssd - I do think my husband is being totally ridiculous! I was astounded when he said it, but wanted others opinions in case I was looking at it wrongly

Regardless it won't be happening, DS and his friends will enjoy the pizza ( as they bloody should!), but I imagine DH will say something to me about it later so I want to feel I'm justified with how I feel about it

I don't understand this family dynamic at all. Your DS was considered cheeky by his DF for asking if he could share the pizza his parents were buying?! Most teenagers wouldn't even ask, they would just assume they could eat the food their parents bought.

Don't ask him to buy a dessert...

I can't actually understand your cheery attitude here and your grins on your post there, if my dh suggested ds15 should be paying for his own pizza frankly I'd be setting him bloody straight I wouldn't be on mn all coy and giggly about it as I didn't know what to think

What is it with some people? You are right OP. He's your son and he is 15. It's your responsibility to feed him. If you are having take-away as a family then you pay. If he has a home cooked meal available but chooses instead to spend his money on a take-away then that's fine. My DSs would probably eat both but that's a different conversation...:o

Mine are 18 and 17 but still in full time education. I can afford to treat them so I often sling them a bit extra to go out for lunch or to the pub etc.

Ok just seen your last post to me, fair enough I'm glad you know you're right but don't doubt yourself so much next time

@BrendasUmbrella - he was clarifying if there would be some for him and his friend as they originally weren't going to be here

When they were younger and we started to tell them to go out to the park or whatever to get them out the house, going to the shop for a drink/crisps or an ice lolly/chocolate was an incentive. I was giving them pocket money which I thought should cover that stuff but DH used to give them an extra couple of quid because they didn't have change...

I think he is an even softer touch than me.

I understand that, but I still think your DH has an odd attitude. Was he grumpy in called his DS cheeky or light hearted?

He's 15! Buy him a pizza for goodness sake!