Teenager paying for takeaway

[dontknowwhattodo80]

Hi all!

Interested to see what others think of this first world scenario.

DS is 15. He gets pocket money every week, which sometimes he uses to buy a joint take away with friends on a Friday night ( when we aren't having a take away ). His money, his choice what he uses it for.

Tonight we have friends coming over and we're getting in pizzas ( take away). DS1 is currently out with friends and has one staying tonight. Originally they were going to be out past the point we'd be eating and would have sorted themselves out ( ordered own pizza later or eaten in town).

They're now going to be back in time and DS checked whether they'd be able to have pizza with us, which I said yes.

DH thinks that DS is being really cheeky. Effectively is expecting us to pay for something he was going to pay for himself- it's his choice to be out ( arranged before we arranged to have people round).

My stance is that we're having a take away. If DS was at home as normal he'd be having the take away with us- paid for by us. His friend is staying as our guest- so we feed him. I feel that even if DS missed the take away time with us then I'd probably give him money to sort himself out for tea.

So, after reading that essay, what would be your opinion on this?

Your son is 15, not 25! Your husband is a tight bastard who should get a grip! Seriously what is going on in this world when parents dont want to pay to feed their own children...?

I think if your DS developed a food anxiety or eating disorder, which young men can just as easily as girls, your DH would change his tune pretty damn quick. Very mean.

Jeez your husbands miserable. Your son is only 15vand relies on pocket money. Course he should be included in dinner

Agree with most other posters, let the kids have a takeaway on you! If you'd had dinner and they decided they wanted a late night pizza fair enough but this is their dinner!

I'm 37 and last time I went to see my dad he handed me a £20 note and told me to buy DH a takeaway for tea, saying we both looked knackered. At 15 I'm pretty sure you should just buy your child supper and not begrudge it.

I think I'd resent DH if he started being petty about what we spend on food for the DC; feeding teenage boys and their friends are part and parcel of parenting.

DH is being tight here.

@ssd - my cheery grin was about the fact my children have me wrapped around their finger, not that my husband thinks DS was being cheeky. At the point he said that I was far from grinning.

I cannot believe this is even a question on here. He is a CHILD. Your child. Harsh just isn't the word. My dad was tight and even he would never have asked me to contribute/pay for food we were eating as a family.

Wow. Your DH is SO wrong here. You know he's wrong and your DS is going to feel unwelcome in his own home if your DH is not careful.

Buy him and his friend pizza and ignore your ridiculous, penny pinching DH

Pay for all the pizza. He and his friend/guest are joining you for the meal you're having.

"I imagine DH will say something to me about it later so I want to feel I'm justified with how I feel about it"

This makes my heart sink.

Do you often worry about having to justify spending money on food (FFS!) for your son? And other things?

Sorry - he sounds very unpleasant to live with, if he follows these things up and goes in about them.

Buy a couple of PIzza Express pizzas and let your DS and friend cook them fresh when they arrive - they are usually 2 for £5 in Tesco and will be better than cold / reheated Dominoes etc.

And I don't see why your DS should bring cheesecake, either.

Poor boy!

No it's not cheeky. He's your child and he's 15, not a random adult visitor. If my adult children were to visit us even then I wouldn't expect them to pay for a takeaway themselves, unless perhaps I was out.

When my dad was alive and I visited him, he used to come to the petrol station with me and pay to fill my car up with fuel for the drive home - even though I was a grown up and working I thought that was so kind and considerate of him.

What is your husband going to be like when your son is 18 and an adult ?? Will he be charging him food and board??

@BrendasUmbrella - hard to know, he is at work so I couldn't see his face to see whether he really meant it. Knowing DH, he would think like that, DS can be a cheeky little so and so ( which annoys DH - and me sometimes), but I'm confident he wouldn't do anything about it, or say anything to DS. Doesn't stop me feeling annoyed that he thinks in that way though.

Could your H have said his comment because he was looking forward to an evening with adults and now there will be 2 teenagers around?

If my DC are having takeaways at friends houses I almost always give them some cash to cover their share.
If it's here I pay.

If dd was 19 then that'd be different. But 15 I think you still need to sort his tea out!

@HotpotLawyer - we are very different people, we quite often disagree over parenting. DH is a stricter parent, whereas I'm the type to want everyone feeling happy etc. I don't have to justify anything to him, but because we're so different I sometimes struggle to decide who is right! Usually it ends up spilt down the middle and I've been a bit soft and DH has been a bit harsh.

We'll talk about it later because he knows it upset me. That's not a bad thing, I just wanted to know that feeling upset by it was justified ( I was 99% confident!). We quite often disagree over parenting and it's good that we are able to talk about it, and try to understand the others perspective.

DH would not have not fed DS and his friends , nor has he ever in the past. He just had funny old opinions, and this one really threw me!

@toddman70 - I doubt it as our friends will be bringing younger children and we have a younger one ourselves. If anything the teenagers are the easy ones

Fucking hell what? He is 15!!!!!

If I gave my son pocket money I would give him extra for his joint takeaway.

IMO he shouldn't have to use his pocket money for his evening meal, even if it is take awayso in this scenario he definitely shouldn't pay.

Its not like you need to fork out for Dominos every 5 minutes (although even that isn't that expensive in my view, but I dont eat the stuff very often) - if your husband is stingy you could easily get a few frozen pizzas from wherever. Does your husband honestly think behaving like this is covering himself in glory? Because its not....

I honestly can't imaging making my 14 year old DS use his own pocket money for a takeaway, ever. It's his dinner

I think your DH is being ridiculous - he's your child and he's 15 years old so you have an obligation to feed him anyway. if my 18 year old is going out and eating with friends we would still give him the money for his take away if he is missing out on a take away at home. He prefers a different type of take away to us so we give him the money and he gets his own.

You have raised a 15 year old that asks you if it's ok to bring a friend for food instead of just turning up and expecting it like a lot of teens. well done you! You've obviously done something right, of course he's not being cheeky to ask.