Holidays with stepchildren and bio children

[Jessie20]

I have been arguing with my partner this evening about holidays! We have a 3 year old daughter together and he has a 9 year old son from previous relationship. We have him every other weekend and he comes on all trips in the uk with us! Me, my partner and daughter have been abroad every year but without him! Now my partner wants to take his son away abroad every year. Now I don’t know whether I’m sounding nasty, but I don’t want to take him away every year. I just feel like my daughter that lives with us shouldn’t feel like every where she goes he goes! I’m happy to do one year on and one year off and he said well he’s my son and I want to do it and your nasty! People I’ve spoken to understand my thought of train but need advice/thoughts from others please

What you’ll find is the mothers who DO expect their kids to be included in EVERYTHING are usually the ones who cause trouble for their exes and their child’s step parents, “what?! What do you mean you went to get fish and chips without our Olivia?!” (Despite it not being your weekend with her and me being the one restricting access )

OP it's become clear that you don't give a fuck about what anyone has to say if it doesn't match your opinion because being a stepmum is unimaginably hard and the hardest job in the whole entire universe, so why are you still on this thread? You obviously are going to go without him anyway regardless of what anyone else wants so why start a thread on the first place if only your feelings matter

Helmlover can you really not see the difference between a yearly planned family holiday abroad and everyday activities like getting fish and chips?

Yes I can see the difference thanks but some mothers think their kids should be included in all activities planned by their ex/exes new partner, including many posters on this thread. And I think it’s ridiculous.

I was merely pointing out that I wouldn’t be one of those unreasonable mothers and I wouldn’t expect my child to be included in everything.

How is a main holiday ‘everything’?

My only question op, is how would you feel if you had a child to a previous relationship and your partner wanted to exclude them from family holidays?

You sound so awful.

And I say that as a mum and a step mum x

Helmlover as a pp said, you can't group a normal everyday activity with kids with a yearly family holiday. FFS.... Although I think you're lumping them together in order to try and skirt around answering the actual question properly!

I think this all really depends to some degree on whether you would be happy for your dh to take his son abroad alone without you and your dd.

If you are perhaps this is a fair compromise so your dss still gets a holiday with his dad.

If you would feel hurt or upset by this though then I think you know the right thing to do.

It’s tough being part of blended families. I hope all works out well for you all.

I was merely pointing out that I wouldn’t be one of those unreasonable mothers and I wouldn’t expect my child to be included in everything.

So if your ex wanted to take your child on holiday with his new family, but his new partner didn't, you'd be happy with that, too?

I don't see the problem. We are a mixed/step family and we also do this. We have a family holiday with everyone every year. (DSD usually getting final say on where we go) and then DH , DS and I will also have a holiday. DSD gets other holidays with Mum and family. We don't have a problem with it

my hypothetical ex husband and new partner’s domestic disputes would be none of my business. Likewise, their holidays and who they choose to take with them would be none of my business either. If however, they neglected/abused my child then of course I would get involved. But no, I wouldn’t interfere when it came to their holiday planning and I find it odd that other people would. Like I said earlier, the same types of people that like to cause trouble for their exes.

And just to point out, I’ve answered every single question that has been posed

If however they neglected/abused my child then of course I would get involved

Well in my book, excluding certain children from family holidays, but taking others instead is being neglectful and will likely impact on the excluded child's mental well being, therefore you could also add abuse into that, as it's a form of emotional abuse making children feel unwanted.

I also can't believe you have the nerve to call posters like me (who disagree with you) the kinds of people who like to 'make trouble for our ex's'
Stop talking out of your arse 'helmlover' ,because it seems it's YOU who is the kind of person who has to make trouble for others.

Cantbeattheeightiesmusic- don’t be so stupid. Not taking a non-resident step child on the odd trip does not constitute emotional abuse. So you’re saying that basically the OP’s partner’s ex has sufficient grounds to contact social services on the basis that they don’t take the step son on EVERY SINGLE family holiday?? She would be laughed at down the phone. Get a grip and stop talking nonsense. You’re comment is an insult to anyone who has suffered genuine emotional abuse.

And no, I’ve not caused trouble for anyone IRL as far as I’m aware but judging from your snowflakey, tetchy responses you clearly have.

Hey it's not me 'talking stupid' Helmlover, doesn't it register with you that just about everyone on here disagrees with you? .. and you're calling me stupid?

And why the fuck mention social services? , I didn't mention them so stop trying to make out that I expect this is a case for ss. I did say it's a form of emotional abuse (neglecting a child) because it bloody well is!
Wtf do you imagine being excluded by your own parent, in favour of another child does to someone? It damages their self esteem eventually.
I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand what I'm trying to say though, as you come across as too fucking selfish to consider how a step child would feel.

This thread is insanity ! Many many many blended families take all the children away one a year and the resident children esp if not school age as I believe the case is with op child, away on a separate trip. The DSC get trips with their mom obviously. Provided no scheduled contact is missed then who on earth cares. The children understand and don't care, they are in school or away themselves having a nice time.
Also I'd happily take Ds away on my own or for dp to.go.away with all the kids on his seperately as I'd get a nice break. He wouldn't be able to afford this though as I'd contribute the most towards holidays - in fact before we got together he hadn't taken the kids away in five years as couldn't afford it. But people tend to overlook that positive aspect of a blended fmaily, namely more income so more chances of this being spent for all the children's benefit.

Wtf dude that isn't me!! Are you confusing me with another poster??
We don't even have a fucking landing! My three step hidlren all have fucking rooms and beds . So please correct before you post thank you ever so much!

Also I only absolutely have one username and it's this one. I have never ever posted about McDonald's. How compelteion bizarre and random!

Well if you can't see that allowing a child to grow up feeling pushed out/neglected/excluded and unimportant by their very own parent has a massive impact on that child's emotional well being then you're dumb as fuck.

That was to Helmlover

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel that way. I don’t have a great relationship with my dsc and tbh I’d prefer they didn’t come on holiday, but I’d never make that known! So yes I put up with it, just how it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ they are kids who didn’t ask for this, I knew what I was getting into