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Original poster

10 year old let out of school

169 replies

dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 16:35

Hi

Sorry for the random title, it was hard to know what to write!

To make it clear from the off, I'm already fuming with my son, I'm after opinions on how/whether to say anything to school?

My 10 year old ( yr 5 ) was meant to go to a club after school today. He didn't want to go so lied to the teacher that he had an appointment so she left him leave with other classmates. He walked out of school with his best friends, I'm normally stood outside the gate with their mum.

When DS appeared with them their mum rang to say he was there, so I arranged with her for him to walk with them home and I'd drive to collect him. On the journey school rang to say he hadn't signed in at the club so I told them that I was on my way to get him and that he'd left school when he shouldn't.

My main issue isn't just that he was let out, but that he has some additional needs inc visual impairment. He can't confidently cross the road on his own etc.

Now do I bring this up at school? As I say I'm very cross with him for leaving/ lying to the teacher - that part is being dealt with

I'm just struggling with the fact his teacher allowed him to walk out not knowing if I'd be there to walk him home.

In our school Yr 5 and 6 are allowed to walk to / from school alone but only if parents have given permission. School know that in the morning DS walks with his friend ( with me not far behind- having escorted them across the road) and after school I walk him home.

What do I say?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 05/02/2019 16:38

Same here, Year 5 and Year 6 are allowed to walk with permission. I assume that you've not given permission? In that case they're wrong and you have grounds to complain if only to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

scrappydappydoo · 05/02/2019 16:39

Can the teacher normally see you outside the gate to know if you’re there or not? The teacher may have assumed you were there?

JennyOnAPlate · 05/02/2019 16:42

A school should never assume that a parent is there. It's a serious safeguarding issue and will be a breach of their own safeguarding policy. I would speak to the head initially.

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Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 16:45

School know I'll always wait outside the gate, I haven't given permission for him to walk home but they're happy for him to walk round to me as I wait for him.

They couldn't have seen that I wasn't at the gate as it's at the side of the building.

I'll be honest I don't know whether what the school did is right or wrong, hence me asking! I just don't feel very comfortable about it and feel abit sick thinking about what could have happened if my friend wasn't there. DS is not your typical 10 year old, which is very well known at school.

OP posts:
RavenWings · 05/02/2019 16:46

If he usually walks out to you and the teacher can't see your collection point clearly (this wasn't clear), I can't see how this is much different from a regular day. Aside from the lying of course. If you had an accident and couldn't get him, the teacher wouldn't know either and the outcome would be the same.

Sirzy · 05/02/2019 16:47

If school don’t normally see you at pick up then I think other than a “i have spoken to x, if he is ever not going to attend club I will call school in person otherwise he is to go” then I wouldn’t say any more

TokyoSushi · 05/02/2019 17:01

Ah, if school don't normally see you then they weren't really to know. I think the only thing that you can do is say that unless you're the one who has made arrangements for him not to go to a club then he is to go, they shouldn't take instruction from DS.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:27

Thanks all,

I just find it hard to get my head around the fact they'd take the word of a 10 year old ( when it's usual to write a letter in if there's an app) and allow him to walk out knowing he doesn't have permission to walk home alone. I just would have expected them to check what he is saying is correct? Rather than just second guessing that all is ok as they can't see where I stand.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:29

I think that's what I'm going to say @TokyoSushi , I always write a note or verbally tell the teacher if DS has an appointment so in future if he says he has one please don't take his word for it!

OP posts:
ArmchairTraveller · 05/02/2019 17:36

If a Y5 child doesn’t have permission to walk home, I won’t release them until I see the adult. So if they are in the car, waiting round the corner or whatever, they have to stomp grumpily over to me and collect their child.
If you are used to the school ‘knowing I’ll always wait round the gate’ and releasing him even though they can’t see you, then that’s the expectation. You need to be in a visible line of sight for the teacher, or he has permission to leave and meet you.
You have confused the issue, so complain and the school will reassess its safeguarding.

ArmchairTraveller · 05/02/2019 17:37

If he told them he had an appointment, they’d assume you were waiting round the corner, out of sight to take him. Why don’t you collect him in person?

catkind · 05/02/2019 17:44

School shouldn't be taking child's word that he has an appointment though should they? Would they let a child leave in the middle of a lesson if they claimed an appointment? Given he was supposed to be under school's care till the end of club I'd see this as more like leaving mid school day and a separate issue to whether he should or shouldn't be allowed to walk out to OP on a normal day.

OrchidInTheSun · 05/02/2019 17:44

It's not the school's fault that he lied to them. He is not their responsibility once he leaves the premises and you're happy for him to do that every day.

I would insist on collecting him /walking to school until half term because he has demonstrated he can't be trusted to make sensible decisions.

I'm sure that will stop him doing it again. Smile

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:48

@ArmchairTraveller , he wants the independence that other friends have so my compromise is the fact that I'll wait by the gate instead of being the one who's picked up outside the classroom ( and picked on for being a baby )

Sorry, I don't really understand the relevance of the fact I pick up from the gate?

Today DS was booked in for an after school club, I wasn't expecting to pick him up until 4.20. I booked and signed for him to go. There should have been no expectation for me to have been anywhere near the school at 3.20 - whether that be at the gate, outside the classroom etc.

DS lied and told them he had an appointment and I shouldn't be upset that they didn't question this? That it's my fault that i usually wait out of their sight? Does their duty of care end at 3.20 or 4.20?

Surely it's irrelevant whether DS was allowed to walk home or not, they shouldn't have let him go. I'm just more cross that they know he can't do that walk alone as he isn't safe.

OP posts:
iloveredwine · 05/02/2019 17:49

our school if the child has an appointment the parent has to send a note into the teacher in order for them to be given permission to leave.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:50

That's usually the case in our school too! Would they just let him walk out middle of the day?!

OP posts:
Knitwit101 · 05/02/2019 17:52

Was it a club in school, so he shouldn't have left the building, but the teacher let him out? Does the teacher have a list of who goes where on each day?

I'm not sure who is 'to blame', it's confused by the fact that you haven't given permission for him to walk home alone but he effectively does walk part of the way alone, albeit a very small part. The teacher doesn't hand him over to you.

I would contact the school and say that any change of plan will come from you, not him. They are not to change the plan and let him out on his word alone.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:54

Yes @Knitwit101 , it's a school club, the teacher has a list of who goes. So he should have got changed and gone down to the hall, instead he walked out with friends who weren't going to the club

OP posts:
Ironfloor269 · 05/02/2019 17:56

In DD's school, if they are staying for an after school club, the parent has to fill and sign a form giving permission for them to walk home afterwards (if they are year 5) or mention who will be picking them up.

And if they are not staying for the after school club on a particular day, the parent has to call the school office.

This way, the teacher knows that if the parent hasn't specifically mentioned to the office, they will be staying for the after school club. Irrespective of what the child tells them.

Op, doesn't your school have a similar system?

DuploRelatedInjury · 05/02/2019 17:57

Do/did the school know he was meant to be at after school club today? Is it a regular thing?

I can see why they've let him out if he normally walks to meet you out of sight - at our school you either collect from the classroom or sign to say they can go alone, they're not allowed to meet a parent on site but out of view of the teacher unless they have permission to walk alone because it'd be easy for situations such as this to happen.

If he normally goes to club today, they shouldn't have taken his word for it really, so I would speak to them about it.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:58

@Ironfloor269 Identical system

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 05/02/2019 17:59

I think your son is entirely culpable and a teacher should be able to take the word of a ten year old. Schools really shouldn’t be expected to check top on year 5 pupils.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 17:59

Yes @DuploRelatedInjury , it's a regular club

OP posts:
MostlyBoastly · 05/02/2019 18:00

So what if one day you weren’t there unexpectedly? The teacher wouldn’t know and your son might well not return to the classroom?

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:03

Then that's my responsibility @MostlyBoastly ! Of course it is!

OP posts:
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