10 year old let out of school

[dontknowwhattodo80]

Hi

Sorry for the random title, it was hard to know what to write!

To make it clear from the off, I'm already fuming with my son, I'm after opinions on how/whether to say anything to school?

My 10 year old ( yr 5 ) was meant to go to a club after school today. He didn't want to go so lied to the teacher that he had an appointment so she left him leave with other classmates. He walked out of school with his best friends, I'm normally stood outside the gate with their mum.

When DS appeared with them their mum rang to say he was there, so I arranged with her for him to walk with them home and I'd drive to collect him. On the journey school rang to say he hadn't signed in at the club so I told them that I was on my way to get him and that he'd left school when he shouldn't.

My main issue isn't just that he was let out, but that he has some additional needs inc visual impairment. He can't confidently cross the road on his own etc.

Now do I bring this up at school? As I say I'm very cross with him for leaving/ lying to the teacher - that part is being dealt with

I'm just struggling with the fact his teacher allowed him to walk out not knowing if I'd be there to walk him home.

In our school Yr 5 and 6 are allowed to walk to / from school alone but only if parents have given permission. School know that in the morning DS walks with his friend ( with me not far behind- having escorted them across the road) and after school I walk him home.

What do I say?

I think actually the fact that they let him go without a letter is ok, because it was a club, not school time. I'd say it's ok to require a letter for a pupil to leave during school time, but they don't have to be there for clubs, so it's fine. I think all you can do is inform school you will always tell them yourself if he isn't attending a club.

Of course you picking him up at the gate not the classroom is relevant here. You have given permission for him to leave school without you.

I imagine your sons teacher will also have a word with your son about lying. He is really the only one to blame here.

Why didn't you get your friend to take him back in and make him go to the club?

Because letting him leave without checking I knew he was leaving when he was @SavoyCabbage . That's the point I'd want what he is saying being challenged.

I'd expect that for any child!

They ask for a letter though @Luaa

I'm intrigued by these schools that don't let children leave unless the teacher sees the parent/carer. Surely home time is chaotic if all teachers have to leave their classroom, walk to the playground, keep their class with them whilst identifying the parents/carers for each child and then having to escort any going to clubs and handing them over?

Our ks2 children are dismissed from the classroom at the end of the day, any going to clubs take themselves there - the teacher won't necessarily know if/when children are going to any clubs, the rest go and find the person collecting them, or walk home if older.

I didn't ask my friend to take him back in as I wanted to talk to him about it before he went back, to find out what the problem is

The other point that might have been a factor is the sheer number of times teachers get grumbled, snapped or yelled at for being over cautious.
I’ve insisted on checking when random unknown adults have turned up to collect without notice, or older siblings, or ‘me mam’s in the car coz it’s raining and I meet her there’ and been scolded innumerable times.
Parents dislike being inconvenienced, teachers don’t expect children to lie in KS2.
I’m surprised you have to tell the school about appointments out of school hours. Not come across that before.

Allpizzas, it’s common in a number of schools. I’ve taught in a number of schools and am now supply, and it’s quite usual.
KS2 being escorted to clubs, no. But if a child needed to be, the school should organise that.

No idea about the letter @ArmchairTraveller - it's in the form you fill in to get a place - your child will always attend and a letter/ phone call etc will be needed if they can't go. I wonder if it's to keep an eye on children putting their names down then not bothering? So if it becomes a regular thing their space can be given to another child.

If he was booked into the after school club, this is no different to him telling them he had an appointment at 2pm and them letting himself go.

I also understand it’s entirely possible to be angry at your son AND with the school.

DD is the same age. Her friends can leave school at the end of the day and it’s expected they will be met or will walk home themselves. Because of her SN, if she is going home with them, I have to let the school know or they don’t let her away.

Because of his SN, they absolutely do have a responsibility to make sure he is safe.

Yanbu. It’s a big safeguarding issue that the school let him go home an hour earlier than he was meant to. Even if he had permission to walk home by himself it would still be really bad to have let him miss the club on his word. The school need to have a look at what happened here and they were lucky there wasn’t a more serious outcome.
Oh, and your ds was very naughty. But you know that!

How did he think he was going to get into the house? Does he have a key?

Of course he hadn't thought about that @ArmchairTraveller ! He hadn't thought about anything, apart from the hope that his friends mum would be able to help.

I know that @Jenniferturkington ! He definitely knows that! He's seen Mums very unhappy face today

Pizzas it's pretty common in a lot of schools. Different playgrounds for ks1 and ks2. Teacher takes the class out and lets them go once they see their adult. Any stragglers are taken to the office or back in the classroom. Club kids leave first to their clubs/get changed.

He may not have autism, but that’s exactly the sort of lack of thinking that Orchid was trying to explain to you. The average 10 year old would have realised they’d be sitting on the doorstep.

I know @ArmchairTraveller , but I thought Orchid had misread that DS had Autism, Which he doesn't. I was just trying to explain that DS knew I wasn't going to be there. I think he'd focused on the fact his friends mum would help. He knows there's no mixed messages, it works one way or the other and today he tried something he shouldn't have done and I'm bloody mad about that.

His Anxiety means he struggles to tell adults when he needs help/ isn't happy about something. So in his mind today he couldn't tell school why he didn't want to go, he only had one other option and that was to leave at normal time

Hmm.
The school my DC attends runs a number of after-school clubs, on the premises. Teaching staff know which children go to which clubs as there are clear lines of communication between the club providers and the school.
If a child had said they had an appointment to go to, then the school would have teleponed me immediately to check this in the absence of a note/email from me. They'd not take the word of the child as absolute.
So I'm going to say that the school are in the wrong for taking his word, and letting him go without checking with you.

All that taken into consideration your son was wrong for lying and will have to face the consequences.

There are several things happening here. I think you've had an awful fright and are also angry with DS. He lied, you're dealing with that just now.

Is it the right time to meet with staff for a Team around the Child meeting? It sounds as though there are several issues to be addressed so that he is ready for secondary in eighteen months. Children with special needs can become very resentful of restrictions around this age.

Thanks @Tidy2018 - TBH I shouldn't have started this post when I did. I was so shocked / angry with DS at the time, I just didn't know what to say or do!

Haven't rtft but your son was at fault here, not the school.

Pizzas it's easy. Teacher (i.e. Me) leads class onto the playground where they line up with all the other classes. When the child sees their grown up they put their hand up. I call them to me, they point to parent and when I see the parent they can go. Takes 3 mins. Longer if parents are not on time. When the children are gone, I take others back into the building to clubs and stragglers to the office. Year 5.

Maybe speak to your child about lying and teaching him to take responsibility for himself.

As you say, your son shouldn't have lied, but I'm really surprised at the school's lack of handover procedure.

Every child at my son's school has to shake the teacher's hand before they go and then the teacher checks who is taking them. That's the case for any after school club as well.

You also have to provide a photo for who's picking them up and if it's a play date, you have to let them know in writing the day before.

That just wouldn't have happened at my school and I'd be fuming - irrespective of my child's behaviour - if their procedures were so lax he could just walk out of school, no questions asked.

OP, I agree with you, and AIBU isn't the place to get nuance. At your son's school (as at my kids') those at a school-run ASC are sent from the classroom to the room the club is in, no going in the playground or signing in at the office. Those who have permission to walk home do so, others are collected.
I do think that your normal arrangements are, bespoke I suppose, as your son has permission to leave without you, yet doesn't-and the school know this, and there are presumably more than aware of his additional needs.
But on this day, instead of sending him to his club, they took him at his word that he had an appointment, despite the fact that you'd paid and signed him in that morning. On any other occasion he'd need a note for this.
I think there's a big difference between letting a child go, and not keeping them for their additional one hour-especially a child with additional needs.
My Y5 son doesn't yet walk home (in common with 26/28 of his classmates, for comparison ;)) but if he did I don't think its unreasonable to expect that the school double check before letting them go on their own an hour earlier than you have told them to.
So yes, school have made an error.
It is nuanced, though, so I'd go in with the approach that :this happened, how can we avoid this again, rather than a complaint.

I think the biggest problem here is that they are usually letting him "walk home alone" without having permission to do so.

If there is no handover/they can't even see you then he is effectively on his own as far as they are aware.

This "usual" plus his lie has led to the teacher making a mistake.

I think in addition to telling them he is not to be believed with this, you need to start collecting him/being visible as he is not able to walk home alone.