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Original poster

10 year old let out of school

169 replies

dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 16:35

Hi

Sorry for the random title, it was hard to know what to write!

To make it clear from the off, I'm already fuming with my son, I'm after opinions on how/whether to say anything to school?

My 10 year old ( yr 5 ) was meant to go to a club after school today. He didn't want to go so lied to the teacher that he had an appointment so she left him leave with other classmates. He walked out of school with his best friends, I'm normally stood outside the gate with their mum.

When DS appeared with them their mum rang to say he was there, so I arranged with her for him to walk with them home and I'd drive to collect him. On the journey school rang to say he hadn't signed in at the club so I told them that I was on my way to get him and that he'd left school when he shouldn't.

My main issue isn't just that he was let out, but that he has some additional needs inc visual impairment. He can't confidently cross the road on his own etc.

Now do I bring this up at school? As I say I'm very cross with him for leaving/ lying to the teacher - that part is being dealt with

I'm just struggling with the fact his teacher allowed him to walk out not knowing if I'd be there to walk him home.

In our school Yr 5 and 6 are allowed to walk to / from school alone but only if parents have given permission. School know that in the morning DS walks with his friend ( with me not far behind- having escorted them across the road) and after school I walk him home.

What do I say?

OP posts:
colditz · 05/02/2019 18:04

I think, actually, your son is completely to blame for this. He LIED. he didn't get confused, or upset, or panic, he LIED. The school have no reason to think a 10 year old would lie in order to not attend a club - normally ten year olds like them, and it was quite a sophistiated lie!

safariboot · 05/02/2019 18:06

You expect the school to only let your son out if you're waiting in a location the teacher cannot see? Do you expect the teacher to be psychic?

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:07

Seriously @colditz, I am furious at DS!

I just can't help feeling angry what could have happened to him - I'll reiterate again- he cannot walk home alone- and the school didn't bother to check what he said is right, baring in mind the schools expectation is a written or verbal telling of an appointment, but today that doesn't count.

OP posts:

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Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:08

I take responsibility of DS at 3.20 on a normal day @safariboot . If I'm not there, that's for me to deal with.

Today he should have been in school until 4.20pm

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:09

Was I meant to be psychic that they'd take his word for it and magically appear?

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 05/02/2019 18:12

I think he either has permission to be let out without a parent, or he doesn't.

If you've told the school that he's responsible to be let out of school without a parent in sight, then they have no need to double check with you, as you've already given a blanket permission. You've told them hat he is responsible enough to look after himself, and does not need to have adult supervision.

If he's never allowed to be released from school without a parent in sight then they should check before releasing him without a parent present.

He behaved very badly (as you acknowledge) put himself at risk, and shown that frankly, he's not responsible enough to go to and from school on his own. So if I was you, I would chat to the school, rescind any permission you've given, and accompany him to and from school yourself until he shows signs of being more responsible.

But I don't think this is really the school's fault - in your place my anger would be directed at my son for being irresponsible, and for myself in misjudging his ability to leave school without being handed over to a parent.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:12

I'm really struggling to understand the relevance of me standing round the corner on a usual day?! Today they let him leave an hour early?! What has that got to do with where I stand?

The reason I said about where I stand is that not only did they allow a child to leave, they allowed one to leave who is not capable of walking home alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:15

Surely even with permission to leave they shouldn't be allowing children to walk out just because they said so? Not when parents aren't expecting them to finish for another hour? I thought they were meant to be responsible for them?

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:17

@mrsm43s - sadly DS may never be responsible enough to walk himself to and from school. As I said in my initial post, he has some additional needs.

OP posts:
SuperSuperSuper · 05/02/2019 18:18

My 6'1" tall 15 year old isn't allowed to leave school for "an appointment" in the absence of a note or email from me. So of course a teacher should not take the word of a 10 year old. I know it was officially the end of the school day, but he was supposed to be in club so really, it wasn't, it was part way through his day.

Given his sight problems, it's lucky his mate's mum was present and observant.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:21

I'm extremely thankful for his friends mum @SuperSuperSuper , I feel pretty sick about what could have happened if he'd attempted to walk home alone. Thankfully his friends mum knows the situation and knows I wouldn't have just left him to walk home so called me

OP posts:
catkind · 05/02/2019 18:22

A child having permission to walk home alone doesn't mean they are responsible for deciding what time to leave. DS can tell school he has appointments all he likes, I still have to give permission if I want him to leave at a time they're not expecting him to leave. Even I can't just tell them I have to write a note.

I think PP was right though, suitable consequence for the lies has to be withdrawing permission to walk out to you for a time. (Rest of year? Lying about something like that is really bad.)

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 18:25

Oh he's going to have plenty of things put in place to make sure he knows how bad it is, don't worry about that!

OP posts:
Lucked · 05/02/2019 18:27

All the kids come out of our ischool at once, only P1 and to a lesser extent, p2 have any sort of witnessed handover. From p3 the class teachers don’t come out with the children. There are teachers at the gates but the responsibility is with the children to alert the teachers of a problem.

Whilst I agree the teachers have a responsibility with regards to after school and clubs at 10 I can understand a teacher not questioning a 10 year old about a change of plan.

I think the blame lies with your son. But school need to be aware that his word is not to be trusted!

MostlyBoastly · 05/02/2019 18:29

Yeah they should’ve checked with you OP. They were far too trusting of your son. And ten year olds do lie, so...

RandomMess · 05/02/2019 18:31

The relevance of you waiting around the corner is that they never actually release him to you because they can't see you on a normal day. If you were usually in sight then not then they wouldn't have released him.

You've ended up with a half way house that they have to release him on faith that you will be there despite having not signed for him to leave the school unaccompanied.

SunnyintheSun · 05/02/2019 18:32

Not the school’s fault, your DS is to blame for lying. Round here children can walk home from yr 1 - they are expected to take responsibility for being in the right place for pick ups, clubs and so on. A ten year old should be able to be trusted not to lie and go to his after school club.

LyraLieIn · 05/02/2019 18:40

The relevance is that as far as the teacher is concerned, she was letting him go as usual (because of the appointment). So the fact that he doesn't have permission to walk home alone is the bit that's irrelevant here, because he always has permission to go to the gate alone.

It's tricky because an after school club doesn't seem (to me) as serious as school - it's clear I need to ask permission /inform school about my child leaving school during the school day for an appointment, whereas for a voluntary club it's not so clear cut.

I understand your concern and think you're probably right that the school should have checked before allowing him to go if you hadn't told them about an appointment, but it's easily done as your son told a very plausible lie, and your regular pick up arrangement means it's not easy for the teacher to tell that he's lying. I don't think you should be angry with anyone apart from your son, but it is worth going in to school to check their policy on being excused from clubs and to remind them that this needs to be followed properly.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 05/02/2019 18:48

If he has permission to walk around the corner to you and you usually aren't visible, I fail to see how this is a school fault.

I can't think of one incident where a Year 5 child has lied to me about something so serious.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 19:13

I'll leave it at that.

I majorly blame DS, I really do, but I'm struggling to understand how the majority on here feel it's right that a child should be able to leave school, an hour before they were meant to, just because he said so, and because the teacher treats him as if he walks home alone Confused

OP posts:
AuntieDolly · 05/02/2019 19:22

They rang to let you know he wasn't at the club. Sorry, but he needs to not lie or leave when he shouldn't

ArmchairTraveller · 05/02/2019 19:24

The teachers never know if you are actually there or not. They take it on trust. They also take it on trust that your DS would return to them if you weren’t there.
You need to sort this out with the school if he is to be safe, so that an actual handover takes place. He is vulnerable and too immature to be trusted on this, as you said, Anything could have happened. You and the school need to make sure that his safety is guaranteed and secure. It is a safeguarding issue, he can’t be trusted to keep safe, so the adults need a foolproof system.

ArmchairTraveller · 05/02/2019 19:26

Presumably the teacher is also dealing with 29+ other children, and any parents who ‘Just want a quick word ‘ and your son.

NameyMcNameChange1 · 05/02/2019 19:27

He’s 10. He lied to his teachers and walked out of school. The school have done nothing wrong, please don’t call them to make a fuss. Kids need to be given the freedom to walk to and from school, it’s parents like you that mean they have to be mollycoddled until they hit secondary school and don’t know how to cope.

Your kid was naughty. Punish him in the appropriate way and move on. No one else is at fault in this.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 05/02/2019 19:28

It wasn't an hour before he was meant to though. It was a normal school day's end. He just didn't go to the club. I'm sure if he tried waltzing out of class an hour before the end of the school day, it would have been a different story.

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