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Original poster

10 year old let out of school

169 replies

dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 16:35

Hi

Sorry for the random title, it was hard to know what to write!

To make it clear from the off, I'm already fuming with my son, I'm after opinions on how/whether to say anything to school?

My 10 year old ( yr 5 ) was meant to go to a club after school today. He didn't want to go so lied to the teacher that he had an appointment so she left him leave with other classmates. He walked out of school with his best friends, I'm normally stood outside the gate with their mum.

When DS appeared with them their mum rang to say he was there, so I arranged with her for him to walk with them home and I'd drive to collect him. On the journey school rang to say he hadn't signed in at the club so I told them that I was on my way to get him and that he'd left school when he shouldn't.

My main issue isn't just that he was let out, but that he has some additional needs inc visual impairment. He can't confidently cross the road on his own etc.

Now do I bring this up at school? As I say I'm very cross with him for leaving/ lying to the teacher - that part is being dealt with

I'm just struggling with the fact his teacher allowed him to walk out not knowing if I'd be there to walk him home.

In our school Yr 5 and 6 are allowed to walk to / from school alone but only if parents have given permission. School know that in the morning DS walks with his friend ( with me not far behind- having escorted them across the road) and after school I walk him home.

What do I say?

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers21 · 05/02/2019 21:04

i’m a teacher for year six - so a little older than your son - and i honestly don’t think the teacher is to blame for this. teachers at my school have nothing to do with after school clubs - students are released with everyone else and they then take themselves to the office and sign in for their club (obviously not the younger children but year five and six), so i wouldn’t have a clue if the club was cancelled and would just take their word for it - with the expectation that none of my students would lie about something so serious. i also would not release a child to walk round the corner with the expectation that their parent was waiting. you either have signed permission to walk home alone or your parent comes to the playground and collects you - no inbetween.

diavlo · 05/02/2019 21:06

Your son is completely to blame here..he deliberately sought to deceive and I think unless he has form for lying his teacher should be able to trust a 10yr old.
Also, why would you need inform the school about an appointment outside of school hours??

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:07

I'm just going to tell them not to listen to him! They know I always let them know if apps are going to affect his school day ( ASC or no ASC!) so today should have been no different. TBH I've never heard of this happening with any other child so I just assumed ( wrongly) that they would clarify something like this.

OP posts:

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Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:09

Because we're asked to @diavlo ! It's a strict rule that they have.

This is a school run club, run by teachers. The children aren't released with the others and hoped they go to the club, they're kept in, to get changed and so the teacher can check they're on the list to go.

OP posts:
OrchidInTheSun · 05/02/2019 21:11

But you are asking for individual children to be shepherded to their clubs. The school rang you as soon as they realised he wasn't where he was supposed to be.

If you don't want him to ever leave the premises without you (and that's totally fair enough), then you need to wait for him on school premises. Right now, you're giving pretty mixed messages to the school and your son. If he's anything like mine, it may not have even occurred to him that you wouldn't be waiting outside.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:14

There's no mixed messages @OrchidInTheSun - he either is picked up from the gate by me, or there's an ASC. Nothing else. It is never any different. How is that giving mixed messages to him and school? Should I stand at the gate for an hour on ASC day?

OP posts:
coldcoldcoldcold · 05/02/2019 21:16

School did the same to me, except my son is 7 Angryand he'd gone home with another family and was at their house! The after school club was worried when I turned up to pick him up

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:17

Also I don't expect him to be shepherded anywhere, I just expect the teacher not to let him go when the school is expecting him at the club, unless I've told them otherwise. Like I would do at any other time

OP posts:
Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:17

OMG @coldcoldcoldcold , that's terrible! Sad

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 05/02/2019 21:19

You don’t think children should be listened to? That’s just ridiculous. What kind of a society would that be.

You would need one adult for every child to run a school where there was no level of trust and the children weren’t listened to. And it would be absolutely awful.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/02/2019 21:21

If he can't be trusted he can't be trusted. That's his consequence for lying.

Bluedrums · 05/02/2019 21:22

I understand how you feel. I think you should definitely discuss how you are feeling with the school.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/02/2019 21:23

But you are asking for individual children to be shepherded to their clubs

No,the OP is asking that her son is sent to the club he's supposed to go to,not left to leave when she hasn't specified so. I don't think the teacher did anything wrong,but neither did OP really and making up things doesn't help anyone.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:24

Of course they should be listened to @SavoyCabbage ! But if what they're saying could potentially put them at risk then yes but sorry I think what they're saying should be questioned!!!!

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 05/02/2019 21:24

100% the kids doing.

School are not at fault here.

OrchidInTheSun · 05/02/2019 21:24

But you are outside the school gates and the teacher cannot see you. So as far as s/he is concerned, your DS is capable of leaving the premises on his own. If he isn't, you need to be in the playground.

As for the mixed messages - you might want to look up theory of mind. My DS has autism and it simply wouldn't occur to him that if he changed his mind about going to after school club, that I wouldn't magically know to collect him as I would normally do.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:26

My DS doesn't have Autism

OP posts:
OrchidInTheSun · 05/02/2019 21:28

I knew you'd say that. Fine, you're right and we're all wrong. Personally if my child were incapable of getting home alone, I'd be waiting in the playground for them so that the school is absolutely clear that it is unsafe for him to leave the premises without supervision.

But I'll leave you to it

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:29

Of course it's DS's fault ! But that doesn't stop me feeling like the teacher should have checked that what he was saying is correct

OP posts:
Myshinynewname · 05/02/2019 21:30

The only sensible course of action is to tell school they can only hand him directly to you. The teacher won’t have a phone in her classroom to ring you and can’t leave other children to come off school property to find you. There are loads of junior school parents on our playground, mainly those with younger siblings to collect but not exclusively. I don’t think your presence in the playground needs to embarrass him (unless you insist on showing any sign of affection in front of his mates Grin)
If it’s any consolation, my reception age ds didn’t go to his after school club last week - he told the teacher he wasn’t going to it anymore Hmm. He is 4 so she made sure I was there before he was allowed out of the classroom and he was obviously safe but she believed a 4 year old rather than ring me! He has older siblings so I was there to collect him and it wasn’t a problem.
The problem has come from the unclear pick up arrangements and your ds lying rather than a huge problem with the school.

Lightsdown · 05/02/2019 21:31

The other option is that you escort him to the club for the foreseeable so you are always there at pick up time.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:31

He doesn't though @OrchidInTheSun ! He wouldn't have expected me to magically appear! He knew I wouldn't be there, as that wasn't the plan for today. That's what I mean about no mixed messages, he's either picked up as normal or after his club. Nothing in between

OP posts:
ArmchairTraveller · 05/02/2019 21:31

You do need to find out why a child with extremely high levels of anxiety, a fear of being told off and significant additional needs decided to break the rules and lie, and actually set off home. The ASC may not be appropriate for him.

SavoyCabbage · 05/02/2019 21:33

I wasn't suggesting they shouldn't have listened. You said that they shouldn't have listened to him.

Original poster
dontknowwhattodo80 · 05/02/2019 21:34

I know @ArmchairTraveller , and it's my fault for not following that up and checking he was happy to go again

OP posts:
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