can she force this adoption?

[rolypoly85]

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

It's not necessary for her to be adopted. As I've said stepdad can add himself as a person with PR.

Well people post from their own hearts and experiences. I realise that it must be really hard reading for you, you clearly love your brother, but most people actually mean well towards the child. It's not meant to be evil, they really feel for your niece and have an opinion on what would make her happy. Of course you do not have to agree. It might help with your frustration (which I understand) if you keep in mind that everyone actually want the child to have a happy life. This is a good goal in itself.

Not necessary to who? Her not being adopted only suits your brother

Exploding it's the fact that people are so strongly advocating she be adopted which is such a drastic step and completely unnecessary. I fail to see how a court would see it as important for her welfare when she already has a stable family life with her stepdad and db is happy for him to be added as person with PR.
People seem to be just throwing in vitriol.

I'm sorry pissed off but your not exactly in a neutral position are you.

She'll have someone in her life she can say is really genuinely her dad. She doesn't have that now. That's a pretty massive thing for her to gain.

Your brother ignored his daughter for the first 3 years of her life. So his ex went and did it alone and built a life for herself and her child. Just because he writes and decides he's ready to man up doesn't mean he should be welcomed with open arms. This other man has raised her and provided her and her mum with stability and security. He is her dad. He should be allowed to make that legal. And as for your questions about when the child is an adult. She can still contact your brother but the man who raised her will be her dad.

Let what happened many years ago fade into the background for a minute and ask yourself

Who has done any of the following for the child in question in the last day, week, month of year

Cooked her dinner
Washed her clothes
Given her a bath
Made her bed
Taken her to school
Taken her to the dentist
Brushed her hair
Brushed her teeth
Read her a story
Taken her out to the park
Etc.

The people who are doing those things (and ones like them) are her parents
Still confused?

You asked for advice yet you 'fail to see' why a court would do what you've been told they will likely do! Because you don't think they should. It's like witnessing a child having a tantrum

If she wants to be adopted by him when she's 16 then that's different, she can make that decision. She's too young at the moment.

So 9 years of insecurity before you think she can decide for herself?

Funnily enough OP neither are you. You admitted you walked away along with your siblings from a niece in a supposedly unstable environment. And now you want to paint mum as a bitch because your brother has suddenly decided the man raising his daughter isn't good enough to be her dad.

It literally is like an extract from deadbeat 101

Waitrose we will see what happens.

Pissed off, I'm not going to take on board what someone who is in the position of the ex in this situation, sorry.

but the Mum's has also accepted his maintenance payments while blocking access to his DD.

The judge is going to want to know why she did that and unless she has a legitimate reason

A legitimate reason like wanting her child to be fed and clothed and housed? Yes, what an evil woman.

Yes titchy.

She is too young.

How far away does your DB live from them? Has he met the adoptive dad?

I am so excited for your niece. Genuinely. What a lovely happy day they will have on the adoption day.

It's not necessary for her to be adopted in your opinion. You have no idea of her opinion though, and she may be the one asking to be adopted. Have you both considered that might be the case?

I hate this word, but I'm going to use it on you and your DB: entitled.

But even when the adoption is granted it will be someone else's fault.

I'd been thinking a different word tbh, but entitled works very well.

I suggest you read the entire thread tomorrow in your scorching 45C heat dispassionately, roly.

I'm bowing out of the thread now. Thank you to everyone who gave impartial advice.

Bowing out for the third and final time?

Wunder none of us alerted social services. The police were called a few times though.

This sounds awful, how could social services not be involved? If this woman was as you say surely the police would been concerned for the child's welfare?