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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 22:20

My daughter doesnt need presents from strangers. Sorry but if you think sending presents means he is in the right you're nuts. Next you'll tell me he has a tattoo of her which makes him a doting dad.

He. Was. Not. There. End of story. Sending presents means jack shit

explodingkitten · 27/01/2019 22:20

I also am sceptical if he can prove this abuse.

popehilarious · 27/01/2019 22:20

It doesn't mean 'someone that shouts at ppl' btw

Interested in this thread?

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Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:21

No it's actually about what's best for my niece, and I really don't know if a court would find that severing her legal ties to her bio dad and refusing contact would be it. But that's what they're there to do and obviously everyone involved has no choice but to abide by their decision.

OP posts:
mayathebeealldaylong · 27/01/2019 22:21

Everyone is on side with the mother like she has not responsible for helping sort her dd relationship with her dad.
Instead of screaming and being abusive, which I believe she was and the DB is and has used it as a excuse.
What is actually sad is that the child is fuck in this - whatever comes out it's shit.

What's worse is the courts are so over ran with liar that victims aren't being heard.
Women falsely using dv and not putting dad's on bc because they don't deserve it. Men being useless and chucking around parent alienation.
So everyone get the basic contact, maybe different starting points ( contact centre etc).

I had too rant it's been a long day and PP are saying that her behaviour because he left is ok, even though I do get that him leaving it for so long is terrible too.
He should give over his PR,
With a condition that she is contactable when 16/18. Then he should build a relationship if she wants one.
Because holding on to it and preventing the child from having a full family isn't going to help him or her.

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 22:21

Just had to quote this as it puts everything into a nice nutshell (by @WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup )

You asked for advice. You've ignored all given, told us what you believe will happen and been rude to everyone that has rightly pointed out your brother has behaved appallingly. You may well think the mother did too, but the fact is she's been there for 7 years raising this girl. Your brother has chosen not to be.

myrtleWilson · 27/01/2019 22:22

It does seem odd with all this screaming abuse that the ex has been doing (according to you) that the siblings, mom, dad, haven't said to DB - lets support you in ensuring that the child is safe. But no, you're all okay to comment on the screaming abuse without thinking about the child who must be traumatised by all this going on around her....

TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 22:22

I don't think a judge would care about the presents, by the time your brother came to his senses and unblocked her and tried to make contact it was too late. It's not like he just ignored them for all that time, he blocked them.

In the meantime time the DM has obviously met someone else who has essentially raised DD for all these years, been there for the first day of school, doctors appointments..etc, why should she let your DBS half arsed attempts at being a dad risk unsettling that when he came knocking at a time when the young child would have started understanding a little and knowing who's who.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:22

You've all sided with the ex and decided what's best for the child. There's really no point in continuing the thread.

OP posts:
TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 22:23

When was the last time your DB actually spent any time with his daughter?

SimplySteve · 27/01/2019 22:23

No it's actually about what's best for my niece

ODFOD, you don't give a toss about what's best for your niece, your post history details that.

WunderBlah · 27/01/2019 22:24

I did. You said;

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her.

This would worry me if I knew a small child was being looked after by this person.

Our dad has told us he will "tell dd the truth about her mother's actions" when she is an adult but I seriously doubt this. He has also called her controlling and emotionally u stable.

So did your father call SS and report his concerns?

she was lying about events and being hysterical

she used to ring him up to 50 times a day, he had to block her number because of the constant streams of text messages and deranged emotional blackmail.

publically throwing tantrums and acting quite frankly psychotic

All of these descriptions point to danger in the home of a very young child and yet none of you seem to have contacted the authorities to check on the safety of the child as I would have done. You also state that the mother was perfectly capable of looking after the child but both situations cannot be true logically.

Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 22:24

The mother's behaviour (if true) is not right..but she is the only one who has raised her daughter. End of the day whatever her faults she hasn't walked away from her responsibility like he has.

If he gave a shit about his daughter like a decent father he'd have fought for her from the start not blocked her in a teenage tantrum.

And it is far too easy for deadbeat dads & their families to lay blame on the mother whilst doing jack all to actually rectify the situation. The 'psychotic ex' line is direct out of the deadbeat dad handbook

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:26

Wunder none of us alerted social services. The police were called a few times though.

OP posts:
explodingkitten · 27/01/2019 22:26

You've all sided with the ex and decided what's best for the child. There's really no point in continuing the thread.

Some of us haven't sided with anyone. To be honest I think that both parents probably have a story to tell. It sounds like a messy break up that was hurtful for everyone. However, your brother will get nowhere with inaction or mud throwing. If he wants contact then he really should try to get it.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:27

Steve, the court will decide what's best for her, not me!

OP posts:
JimminyJimBob · 27/01/2019 22:27

There is no point in anyone posting an opinion that differs from yours.
You won't listen or see it from another viewpoint.

I hate this word, but I'm going to use it on you and your DB: entitled. It seems like you both feel he's entitled to be a part of this girls life. He's not. He gave up that right when STOPPED CONTACT
He stopped contact. No-one else. He did.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:27

Exploding that is what he is now saying he will do. 80% of people on this thread slamming him for doing so.

OP posts:
thebabessavedme · 27/01/2019 22:28

has he been paying child support for the last 7 years or has he been 'too afraid'?

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 22:28

It certainly will, and I think you're in for a shock. But even when the adoption is granted it will be someone else's fault.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:29

It's not differing opinions that bother me it's the name calling and tone that comes with it.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 22:30

Yep i am slamming him. It should NOT take a request for adoption to make him pull his finger out of his arse.

Threads like this - full of excuses & bullshit - make me cross. There is NO EXCUSE for your brother not fighting for his daughter for 7 years. None whatsoever but you keep trying. And yes the court WILL question him on it. 'Her mother wouldn't let me' will not wash with them!

FlyingMonkeys · 27/01/2019 22:30

But to be fair the child hasn't clapped eyes on your DB in her 7yrs of life. She has a 'dad' whose been in her life for 5yrs. It's fine for you and your DB to feel that's it's not in her best interests to be adopted, but that sounds more like it's your feelings as adults at play not the child's being considered. I'm adopted it didn't stop me making contact as an adult. She has contact with your dad so at some point she'll ask questions about your DB, she'll know/knows he's her bio dad. Unless your DB is actually willing to step up to fight for contact then frankly he's just being a bit of a dick putting himself before his daughter. It's no good him saying 'Oh she'll think I didn't care!'. If he can't be arsed to properly try then she'd be well within her rights to say 'maybe you cared but you certainly didn't try hard enough!'.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:30

As said in previous posts he's been paying g child maintenance

OP posts:
titchy · 27/01/2019 22:31

Just realised you live in Oz - you've been posting all night about this?