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Original poster

can she force this adoption?

367 replies

rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 14:51

My brother has 3 children, one of which has a different mother from the other 2 and he hasn't seen since she was a baby. He has a very close relationship with his other DC.

Mother of his DD was very emotional/unstable/angry/bitter and put up a lot of hoops/emotional blackmail ringing up to 50 times a day etc, he ended up blocking all contact with her. When his DD was 3 years old he wrote letters asking for contact, offering contact centre or supervision from family member etc. He received no replies so went through a mediator, who was also blanked by the mother. Presents and cards for his DD were returned.

DD is now 7 and the mother has asked if he will consent to her being adopted by her partner, who has been with the mother since dd was 2.

Brother does not want to consent to this. Does anyone know much about what happens if he does not consent? Is a court likely to grant the adoption because of the lack of contact between my brother and his dd?

He has been paying maintenance for years and the mother has also kept in contact with our father , dd calls him grandpa.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 22:09

So basically you walked out of your niece's life over things that are unimportant? It is exceptionally telling that your father won't back your brother. And says a lot about your stepmum wanting to maintain contact with your niece.

titchy · 27/01/2019 22:09

What does your dad think your brother should do?

WunderBlah · 27/01/2019 22:09

OP there seems to be a pattern of helpless men and evil women in your family.

How many times were social services asked to investigate the home life of this child given that you are describing it as dangerous from birth?

If none then all of that hearsay stuff is irrelevant and makes you look bad. Any change in the status quo now looks like a need for control. How can you not see this from the child's point of view?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Family law
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:09

He says he doesn't want yo advise either way.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 22:10

Sending a text asking for contact isn't effort. Going to court & fighting tooth & nail is what a good dad does. Regardless of their own fears. Because they want to do what is right by their child. For all your negatives about his ex you forget one thing; she has raised his child without him.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:10

Wunder where did I say her home life was dangerous from birth???

OP posts:
TrixieFranklin · 27/01/2019 22:10

This just gets worse, poor girl. Your brother should bow out and let the man that's raised her since she was 2 step up and maybe as a compromise make an effort to actually meet her and if it goes well and she wants to - maybe discuss the potential of visits.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 22:11

You don't care about this child. She's just a weapon to hurt someone you don't like with. None of you have been there for her. You didn't answer whether your birthday and Christmas cards have been accepted or also returned. Telling.
And now she has a chance of a happy life and stability with a real Dad you want to ruin it to 'win'. It's gross.
You asked for advice. You've ignored all given, told us what you believe will happen and been rude to everyone that has rightly pointed out your brother has behaved appallingly. You may well think the mother did too, but the fact is she's been there for 7 years raising this girl. Your brother has chosen not to be.

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:12

My mother wanted contact with her granddaughter too. All presents returned to her doorstep and screamed at by the ex. Because my mother didn't agree with everything she said!! You're basically advocating that all family members give in to a mother's every demand, tantrum, abuse just to have access to the child? And the mother wasn't using her kid as a weapon??? Ha!!

OP posts:
WunderBlah · 27/01/2019 22:13

You have said the mother was acting psychotic.

explodingkitten · 27/01/2019 22:13

OP, do you have children yourself? Because no matter how scared I would be Satan himself couldn't stop me from trying to see my child if I was in that situation. There is a real probability that a judge wouldn't look favourable on a father who didn't do more than write a few letters in 6 years time. If he seriously wants to have contact with his child he has to get into action now and start a procedure. He can seek therapy to deal with his anxiety about the process at the same time. The longer he waits, the less chance he has of building any kind of meaningful relationship with his child. To be honest I wonder if the ship hasn't already sailed. You should really try to get through to him on the severity of his inaction.

titchy · 27/01/2019 22:13

Do you have children OP?

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:14

Trixie there is no way the ex would let db meet dd.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:15

Wunder please read my previous posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:15

Yes I have a daughter.

OP posts:
Linlou82 · 27/01/2019 22:15

The only information is what you have said tho - so people are drawing conclusions from it.

If want legal advice he needs to see a solicitor- can get free meetings through CAB.

He really does need to be thinking what is genuinely best for the child tho. She still has contact with grandparents, I don’t think that will stop so she will have knowledge of your brother.

When she is old enough she is likely to want to know more- the adoption doesn’t stop the biological factor it is probably more for legal reasons so SD can have a say with decisions like schools etc or when the child is sick, for a child he has loved and been a father to for years.

There probably has been bad choices on both sides but everyone needs to put there big pants on and sort it out!

Fighting it will cost money something you have said he can’t spare - surely another mediation request including the SD would be the best way forward for the child.

Yes he is her biological father but he isn’t her Dad and likely never will be she has a loving one already.

I know you don’t want to hear it but realistically what is better for the child that’s the main question to ask.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 22:16

I'm advocating that adults should be able to separate their feelings for other adults from their feelings for a child in order to achieve the happiest possible life for that child. It's not about you.

Bumblebee39 · 27/01/2019 22:16

Oh yes @AmICrazyorWhat2

But he'd say the abuse was all in my head too

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:16

Exploding I will talk to him. I don't think a judge would look favourably on the ex for returning presents that aren't hers and screaming abuse about it either.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 27/01/2019 22:18

I returned presents that werent mine. Because my DD doesn't need to be bought by someone she doesn't know

Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:18

Waitrose you're being ridiculous. Believe me you would not have put up with the treatment from that woman that we received. It's just not normal. And I know it's not about 'me' and I feel very sorry for the child whose mother used her as a weapon and pushed family members away.

OP posts:
Original poster
rolypoly85 · 27/01/2019 22:19

Oh dear pissed.

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 27/01/2019 22:19

There's only one person being ridiculous here.

explodingkitten · 27/01/2019 22:19

Exploding I will talk to him. I don't think a judge would look favourably on the ex for returning presents that aren't hers and screaming abuse about it either.

Doesn't matter, she is the one who has been caring for the child the past 7 years. It's about your brother now who wants something.

popehilarious · 27/01/2019 22:19

OP was the mum actually diagnosed as psychotic? Or are you just making it up? Do you actually know what it means?