Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

I firmly believe it would be wonderful to go back to how things were years ago. Limited visiting times and plenty of staff on hand to help you. Honestly can’t think of anything worse than recovering from giving birth and all that goes with it while someone else’s bloke is only a curtains width away .

@FixTheBone Unless you've just pushed a baby out of your vagina /had a c-section (which as you said you're male is physically impossible) then your opinion means nothing! Vulnerable women who've just been through childbirth deserve some goddam privacy. It's not excuse for you to be a shit dad (which it does sound like you are).

No uterus no opinion.

@HJWT yes it was, I thought was about £135 a night but I do know some people who were give it for free if the unit was quiet and no-one else wanted it. They mentioned it in a fairly snarky way on the show round because you get a special tea tray but I didn't want that, I just wanted my DH with me whilst I was new and recovering and we were learning to be a family.

HARK.

A MAN HATH SPOKEN*

*a load of bollocks

Nope. Either single private rooms for all, or no men. It's not appropriate. What needs to be available is better care by more HCPs.

Communist

Maybe all the problems we have encountered in nearly twenty years of parenting stem from DH going home the night DC1 was born and therefore not bonding.

My husband could've stayed but I told him to bugger off. Sleeping within 3 foot of a strange man with only a curtain as privacy really isn't on. Its exacerbated when protective primal hormones kick in post birth. I can absolutely see how some women need help but the ward system as it is is shite.

This is why I'm so so pleased my birthing centre is all double private rooms. I'd be so uncomfortable with other people's family around me at that time, regardless of sex.

We do need better care from HCP’s! The night I was on my own, baby would not settle at all that night. I was falling asleep with no help at all. I nearly dropped her at one point I was so exhausted and I got zero help.

One of the staff the next day was annoyed that I had had no support.

It’s the reason I was determined to get home ASAP next birth

Next they will cut staff so much delivery will be in a communal ward with men helping.

Ridiculous.

It's very telling about the curtains isn't it. Both times I've been on the PN wards it's been like a forest of blue curtains. My Dad commented on it when I had DC1 and he obviously found it a bit odd I was hiding myself away rather than chatting to the other mum's like my mum did when she had me. But back then visiting hours were so much stricter, the mum's had the ward to themselves for much of the day. They could relax and feel safe and comfortable. Men weren't coming and going all day or worse still just lazing about for hours while the mum's still did all the care of the baby. I mean why hang around all day if you aren't even going to help

To those saying they couldn't have coped if their partner wasn't allowed to stay, this is the problem, there should be enough staff to help you cope. Allowing partners to stay is just masking the shortfall in staff on so many wards. If this is the way things are going then it's an absolute disgrace.

Fixthebone, so seven times you have done this? Intruded on vulnerable womens space, used their toilets etc when they are bleeding and sore and at their most fragile and most in need of privacy ?
I've never given birth (never will) but I feel anger for all of you women here with bad experiences. I'd be fucking furious. And as said earlier.. men (on average) do leave loos in a (literally) shitty state. And snore more.

I don't understand why some object to partners being there unless they're being offensive like some of the examples mentioned. If they're just looking after their wives, what is the problem?

Pp have given a list of reasons as long as your arm.

• Feeling vulnerable after birth
• Lack of support from trained medical professionals on the basis that your partner should be able to assist instead
• Having to share toiletting facilities with the opposite sex when your lower half is like a special effect from Saving Private Ryan
• More people in the same space, and the increased noise that comes with it
• having intimate examinations carried out with just a blue curtain separating you from Darren in the next cubicle
• Trying to get to grips with breastfeeding in front of a strange man

My hospital didn’t let men stay over (2017), and the midwife covering the night shifts seemed to somehow be able to split herself into three in order to look after everyone on the ward.

Not to sound like Queen Victoria, but a post natal ward overnight is no place for men.

Penny

But women feeling vulnerable sometimes feel better when they're with their partners, so why should they have to go without? I'd also prefer my partner assist me post birth than medical staff. It's less awkward. Sharing toilets, noisy men and curtains that are open are all issues but they can be addressed by midwives shutting the curtains and having extra loos surely.

@Seline so what about women feeling vulnerable who don't have a partner to stay with them?

Speedy that's unfortunate but women who do have one shouldn't be unable to have him there because some people don't

I'm going to add a male perspective and as a father of 7 children - if you're going to deny men permission to be available as fathers in the first few hours / days of their child's life, why expect them to get any more hands on once you get home.

Don't be so fucking ridiculous.

And frankly with seven children you would have been much more useful at home looking after the other children and stocking up the freezer and cleaning the house.

FixTheBone Wed 23-Jan-19 22:30:44
I'm going to add a male perspective and as a father of 7 children - if you're going to deny men permission to be available as fathers in the first few hours / days of their child's life, why expect them to get any more hands on once you get home.

If that were true, then no mothers whose children were in NICU would ever do any babycare afterwards.

EVERY SINGLE MAN in my family, including my dad (now 86) has managed to be a hands-on dad despite not being allowed to stay the night in hospital. Do you know how they managed it? Because THEY KNEW BEING HANDS-ON WAS THEIR JOB!!! There is plenty of time to change nappies and get to know your baby during visiting hours.

An issue is that if the ward is short staffed/very busy, women feel they “need” their partner there because they haven’t got the full attention of a midwife.

I bled heavily all over the bed and despite ringing my buzzer was left in it for nearly an hour, and when the midwife came she handed me a towel and said “lie on that until we’ve got time to change it.” Like I said before, I agree with partners not staying on the ward, but it’s easy to see why some women feel they need them there. If dp had been there I could have got him to go grab a sheet and change it for me. I’d had surgery and couldn’t move my legs to get out of bed.

Fix the bone who looked after your other children?
How would you feel about women as a permanent feature on a male prostrate op ward. When your discussing your dick with random women listening in?

Seriously the NHS promised single sex wards for privacy of patients but this policy seems to fly in the wind.

More staffing is what's required. TBH it doesn't even need to be fully qualified nurses just more staff, even nursery type staff would be good, to help care for babies while mums get rest.
At the end of the day if mum has been kept in its for a reason, gone are the days of everybody being kept in for the sake of it.

@Seline and DV and rape victims who may feel unsafe with having an open door policy for men? Is that just unfortunate too?

How can you not see this from other people's point of view? You seem concerned solely with your own experience. There are many, many reasons women do not want strange men on a post natal ward.

The hospital where I had my 3 dc have set hours for partners. DD1 was born early morning, and dh was made to wait outside the postnatal ward for 40mins until that time started whilst I was wheeled in. At home time a nurse came and told all partners to leave. It was lovely and quiet when they had all gone, and much more relaxed.

My sister recently gave birth, she was allowed one person with her at all times. She had a long induction and problems afterwards so her dh spent a week sleeping in a chair. He would have been better rested, and more help, if he went home for some decent sleep.

That’s lovely that that’s your preference Seline, but you’re essentially saying that you preferring your DP to be there takes priority over other women who have issues being forced into sharing a intimate space with a total stranger.

I’m not particularly precious about my personal space, but after giving birth it was the one time that I really appreciated privacy overnight and only sharing space with other women

Other wards in hospitals are single sex and have limited visiting hours for the dignity and privacy of patients. Post-partum women should be entitled to exactly the same.