Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

I dont think think it should be allowed and it masks staffing issues on wards. ...in theory should free up staff to help those with no support but as ever will end up with staff not available to those who can't have done one to stay.

Private ensuite rooms is completely different.

Poor OP - it's grim isn't it?
Don't know what the solution is. Having to tolerate other people's partners in a ward at night is vile when your post birth and feeling vulnerable.

Hope that you're able to escape soon

Cosmic - That is terrible that they left you. I couldn't have done anything if they didn't help me. It was my first full term baby (I had 2 prems) and I was so used to incubators that I didn't really know what to do in hospital felt a little like my first.
When was your baby born? Just wondering if it was a old or new thing? Or maybe just goes on different hospitals.

I think all maternity wards should have private rooms. They don't need to be big rooms or have private bathrooms but after having a baby people need peace and quite and rest. Luckily with my first I was only I for 1 night and I got a private room, with my second I was in and out the same day but I have been to cost a few friends in the wards and it's not great to have 6 or 8 women and the same amount of networks in one room, no one gets any sleep so not great!

I needed the physical help and emotional support of my partner after birth and I think that’s pretty normal. You can keep the curtains drawn around the bed if you don’t want to be seen. Obviously no one, male or female, should be talking loudly etc because it’s a shared space in a hospital.

Congratualtions!

Yep, I agree OP, annoying and loud.

The men who stayed on my ward were normal & respectful but fuck me, when one started snoring like a bulldozer at 2am...
And the 'whispered' 4am conversations about baby wipes. Noisy, noisy men.

Congrats on your new baby!

If a husband is a quiet and private presence I’d be ok. Hate the loss off my privacy when I’m at my most vulnerable

Really not sure about a male sleeping in the ward alongside my baby.

I had a private room after dd so I haven’t experienced this, and this was years ago when partners weren’t allowed to stay. If I have to stay in again I’d love to have dp with me as he was so helpful, but after reading this I’d probably only have him there if I had my own room again.

Private rooms are a totally different ball game.

Nothing at all wrong with partners staying if they are in a private room.

Open ward? Nope, off you fuck.

For my third I found somewhere with common sense, no partners. Instead they utilitized some wonderful volunteers. I was in a week and a half and got to know them well. I wish all hospitals did this. A few experienced women doing night work.

You may think your own dp is great but the reality of males on wards is a risk, at best some loud twat walking in on you and at worst abusive. I was bleeding heavily and a man aggressively warned me not to get up and disturb him again with another toilet trip. I ended up soaked and alone, no midwives around and a snoring man bullying four women. He was awful to his partner, I saw through the curtains she was in the chair whilst he slept. Other wards aren’t mixed sex for a reason and being a new father isn’t the same as being a good man.

The solution is staffing wards better, side rooms when requested or supporting home birth, not allowing men in overnight.

A man walked in on me in the toilet 2 days ago when I was trying to deal with my stitches after an episiotomy despite a massive sign on the door saying "patients only". It's awful.

I couldn’t have coped with my baby alone in the hours after my c section.

You don’t know what you can do until you really have to. My hospital only allowed visitors 2-8pm.

I had to manage from 8pm each night I was there, post c section, alone, breastfeeding two babies.

My Mum couldn’t understand why I was so desperate to be discharged till she discovered I wasn’t even getting pain relief. I couldn’t even get anyone to refill my water jug.

It’s an absolute disgrace, but the horse has bolted now. It was done to mask the staffing issues. And there will never be enough staff now so they won’t stop fathers coming in now.
Can you imagine hysterectomy patients in gynae wards being expected to do half the stuff women who have had sections or third degree tears are expected to do. My dh didn’t stay as we have two older children and I wouldn’t have let him anyway as it isn’t fair on other mothers. I was just left to it after my sections. Dragging myself up to change and feed my baby, even when the ward was quiet and there were plenty of staff as that are the expectations now. Can you imagine it being like that 30 years ago?
Makes me so angry. I stamped my feet for a side room the last time and they only Allowed it if I was up and about. I just couldn’t bear being on the ward with a bunch of men while I was on my own. So I forced myself to walk up and down the corridor in front of the nurses station just a few hours after having a section, even though I was in agony. I got one though, it meant I could at least enjoy some privacy then. It bade the rest of my stay bearable just.

I couldn't get anyone to help me get to dd (section plus catheter) so ended up corraling the cleaner to pass her to me in the end and slept with her on my chest. Xh would have been fucking useless, as it was he went out and got hammered. Certainly didn't want anyone else's useless bloke there!! Congrats on new baby!

To be fair ours was a side room. I still don't see why women should be forced to do the first night alone. Kick out anyone who's abusive but don't assume all partners will be

They should only be allowed to stay when there are private rooms available, when it's a shared bay then there should be no overnight visitors.

@Seline the problem with ‘kick out the ones who are abusive’ doesn’t work, they are there because there are not enough staff to remotely monitor what is going on. No use kicking them out when the day stuff turn up, or after they’ve seen some poor woman on the loo struggling with stitches. It’s already happened by the time you know they are abusive

@Seline its nothing to do with being abusive 😂

Is this actually a fucking thing now?? I REALLY hope not at my local hospital because I will get up and leave 👌🏻

I find it VERY difficult to fall asleep on a ward with my newborn as it is without men being there....

Peppa the alternative is women who need their partners lose out though? I was admitted prior to giving birth due to being unwell and high risk. I kept buzzing and was told I was fine and it was just spotting and Braxton hicks. I stopped buzzing because I started to pass out and my husband went running into the corridor shouting for someone to come immediately. Next thing I knew I was having an emergency section for massive hemmhorage and my DD was born with apgars of 1. If he hadn't been there we would've died.

The worst person I encountered was the mother of the lady who gave birth. She had numerous loud phone conversations at 3am as they came onto the ward. Woke me and new baby up and didn't give a shit.
I agree that visitors can be an issue but I don't think it's limited to men.

@ShutUpPeppa You may think your own dp is great but the reality of males on wards is a risk, at best some loud twat walking in on you and at worst abusive. I was bleeding heavily and a man aggressively warned me not to get up and disturb him again with another toilet trip. I ended up soaked and alone

Oh I'm sorry but id love for this to happen to me, id love to watch my DH beat the shit out of a horrible bastard like that (sorry for the language) but reading that really effected me!! So sorry you went through that ❤️

@Seline thats different thats before birth, we are talking after baby is born....

I had a private room 1st time and DH was able to stay. It was great. He looked after DD and allowed me to nap. He went home following night but stayed night after as I was shattered (feeding issues).

But on a ward - nope not appropriate.

2nd time & different hospital he was able to get me settled and then had to leave. Bay had 4 beds so was fair enough.

I do think private rooms are better