Men on a post natal ward

[RogueV]

The guy in the next bay is pissing me right off.
He just asked the midwife for a bed. Dick.

Why are they allowed to stay anyway? Shouldn’t they be going home?

Sorry just ranting.

Is post natal care like this elsewhere in the developed world?

No. Where I am there were plenty of staff (though that may have been because it was a teaching hospital so for every midwife there was also a student with them), every shift change a pair came and checked my blood pressure, temperature (I had an infection), checked how I was healing, asked how breastfeeding was going (and watched me feed to see if latch was good). They took me to the toilet because I was very weak, one even stayed with me in the loo which was good because I almost fainted and she had to slap my face to get me to come round! Baby was weighed and checked every day (and weighted feeds were done when weight loss was too much). There was a doctor on ward too so complications could be very quickly assessed (my uterus wasn't contracting, quick ultrasound on the ward confirmed it and treatment decided and proper painkillers given promptly) and baby had a full check up from the paediatrician before we were discharged.

No open wards either, two bed rooms where you either shared with another mum or shared with your partner. Actually got dark and quiet enough at night so I could sleep in between feeds. Meals brought to the bed except for supper and afternoon coffee and there was a snack fridge and cupboard in the day room that you could help yourself to at any time plus kettle and coffee machine.

We do have to pay roughly 35 euros per night but well worth it for that level of care (and those who can't afford it can get it covered by social security)

raver, I collapsed in the shower and a woman acquaintance (who had not let on that she was in fact an ex- midwife until then) said "OMG I would never met one of my mothers go to the shower on her own!"

So what IS that all about?

Weetabix having your dh there is no guarantee of being allowed to go to NICU. I wasn't allowed off ward unless I had a member of staff with me because I had had a section. More staff was the only way that could have been improved.

Thanks Natsku.

They took me to the toilet because I was very weak, one even stayed with me in the loo which was good because I almost fainted and she had to slap my face to get me to come round!

I would have been mortified to have to attempt to use the toilet in front of a nurse! Would rather it be DH.

I wasn't allowed off ward unless I had a member of staff with me because I had had a section.

Was this recent? I was able to come and go as I pleased, even leaving the hospital for a bit.

I wonder how many women who want Dads on the ward 24/7 don't want to see their ILs because they are bleeding, leaking milk etc? The people who are against that policy feel like that but much worse because it's 24/7 and they don't know the person.

The people with a partner can sleep as Dad is "on watch" but the partnerless women feel gross and vulnerable because they are physically battered and responsible for themselves and their baby.

It's unfair to put the onus on women to complain. Would they believe me over the Dad who hasn't given birth so is clear headed and can deny being anti-social? What happens if it's my word against Antisocial Andy and his partner? What happens if he is kicked out then she kicks off? I wouldn't want to sleep in a ward where she was pissed off with me.

The move towards relatives doing the caring is a slippery slope and could be used by governments to squeeze health budgets further. Next step would be for families to buy bandages, syringes and just get the medicines from the NHS.

The stories on here are heartbreaking. So many tears, women in pain.... 😢

but what is not acceptable is treating post natal women as less worthy of good medical care than the rest of the hospital inpatients.

Do you know the standard of care available to other inpatients? It isn't good. 2 years ago I stayed with my dad because he had a heart attack during the night and it took 20 minutes for anyone to answer his buzzer and then an hour to get a dr to review. Once they diagnosed him they sprang into action but he was so terrified that it would happen again that he was going to discharge himself unless they allowed us to stay.

bruffin

If you and your husband had needed that to cope then yes, he should have been able to stay.

I would have been mortified to have to attempt to use the toilet in front of a nurse! Would rather it be DH.

I much preferred to do it front of the nurse than my OH, not least because the nurse is medically qualified and knew how to take care of me, OH probably would have just panicked while I passed out on the loo.

@Weetabixandshreddies is the solution then for all wards to promote relatives/friends doing basic care, so that the NHS doesn't have to?

Just as an aside I find it interesting that people keep mentioning showers. It wasn't presented to me as an option at all. Got to the ward at about 5am after EMCS and at about 3pm the next day, after asking many times about having a wash, I had someone come round with a flannel so I could wipe myself. It was bloody awful, I was just desperate to get home to have a wash. Didn't get out until late afternoon the day after either, apparently they were too busy to discharge me...!

I much preferred to do it front of the nurse than my OH, not least because the nurse is medically qualified and knew how to take care of me, OH probably would have just panicked while I passed out on the loo.*

I can't pee in front of people I don't know or in earshot of them, I have anxiety about it. A nurse following me into the loo would be horrible.

I suppose it depends on your DH though.

Do you know the standard of care available to other inpatients? It isn't good.

I do. I know that it's dreadful, I also have experience. What I mean is that no one is suggesting in these situations that proper nursing care should be taken over by family members.

Post natal care is not like this everywhere.

I had baby 3 in Germany (basic government insurance) and the midwives ran me a bath (everyday) with special bath salts that helped healing, cleaned my blood and vomit immediately and came quickly when I rang the bell. I was given pain medication, food and drink on time. They sat down and explained things and had time to ask questions about my baby and me. They knew I was English and they were great at making sure I wasn't feeling blue because if the language barrier.
I had NHS babies and #1 was great )but not as good as my experience in Germany) but #2 was a shit experience. XH had to mop up sick and blood, make the bed when I bled through and the midwives barely spoke to us.

I didn't shower at all the first day, felt too weak. But when I did I was told I was not to lock the door in case I fainted, which is another very good reason why I'd not like being on an open ward with men allowed as anyone could have opened the door (whereas my room shared a bathroom with the room next door so I could lock their door while leaving mine unlocked). I'll bet there's a fair few women on the open wards who would be at risk of fainting when showering so shouldn't be locking the doors.

what is not acceptable is treating post natal women as less worthy of good medical care than the rest of the hospital inpatients.

In my experience the rest of the inpatients are getting crap care as well. I've been a patient as well as a visitor and it's the things going on. Patients buzzing but no one coming. Medication missed or late. Nurses with bad attitudes like everything is too much trouble.

*the same things going on

AornisHades

Initially I wasn't allowed up at all - that's why I needed my husband to visit and tell me how my son was, show me photos. It killed me having to wait from 8pm until 11am with no news at all.

When I was well enough to be allowed to go to SCBU I had to be wheeled up and down for the 1st couple of days - my husband could do this and then I walked but it was hard on my own but I was trying to breast feed and didn't want to only go at visiting time. Why should some mums have to suffer only seeing their babies during visiting hours?

I was allowed straight away but that's only because they thought one baby would die. So not really very positive.

For the first 24 hours or so I was reliant on photos and a snatched visit or two when they could spare someone. DH couldn't be with me for more than a few hours so I had to put up with it.
I still don't think men should be there overnight routinely and I would push back on daytime visitors to the ward too.

is the solution then for all wards to promote relatives/friends doing basic care, so that the NHS doesn't have to?

No it isn't the solution. But it's becoming more and more necessary - patients not being fed or washed or toiletted unless relatives go in and do it. It isn't right and we should all be fighting to get better care but that's long term. It won't change anything now (if at all)

What I mean is that no one is suggesting in these situations that proper nursing care should be taken over by family members

But until there is adequate care, partners will have to be involved. There’s no point debating whether men should or should not be allowed on the wards 24/7 at this point. In some cases, they need to be, because the care of women and babies in some hospitals is non-existant. Until things improve, that’s what’s necessary.

MrsAriadneOliver

Exactly so.

Until things improve, that’s what’s necessary.

So, as has been asked before, what do Muslim women do? What do survivors of sexual violence do?

I didn't know other people felt this way with DD1 complicated placenta abruption and haemorrhage on my side my partner stayed 3 nights I didn't have baby by my side as she was in high dependency. OHwas on paternity leave so didn't have anywhere to go. He shared my bed and no one said anything 5 day stay ward was full for 3 no separate rooms.

Dd2 different hospital lovely delivery separate rooms beds provided my mum stayed as OH was with dd1 again nothing said lots of men but I didn't mind.

So it's a short term stop gap, necessary for now but not a long term plan.

I wish that hospitals would be honest about why partners are invited in 24/7 and be clear that it's about providing care that won't be available otherwise. At the hospital I had my two, they trialled this, and it was all about fathers bonding with their babies and having a 24/7 shared experience. Nothing about them needing to be there for safety and basic care reasons.