Do you ever give your YOUNG child (age 5/6) a 'mental health day' off school if they're just knackered, overwhelmed and a bit run-down?

[JessiCake]

I'm torn whether to send DD (Yr 1) in tomorrow.

Health-wise, she has a runny nose (but that's all) and she's very, very tired. The cold weather really takes it out of her, school lunches have been crap for the last few days (and she's scrawny so a couple of tiny meals means she loses energy quickly), and she's had a random couple of bad nights' sleep.

Because of all this (and because she's a very sensitive little soul who's easily over-wrought) she's feeling, well, overwrought

She was a little better after a good hot meal, a bath etc this evening, and I got her to bed extra early.

But if she's still peaky, tired, and overwrought in the morning, would you send her in or would you let her have the day off?

I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, I'm freelance and for once I have no pressing work deadlines.

Is it silly to let such a little child have what my friend with teenagers calls 'a mental health day' (basically a duvet day)?

I would never tell DD this is what I was doing for her, btw. I would just say as she's obviously feeling peaky and run-down, she's staying home.

Does anyone else do this? Am I being a massive softie/snowflake/insert abusive name here?

fwiw she's doing more than fine at school so a day off isn't going to affect her progress academically.

Telling you “horrific” details about a child and their family isn’t asking advice. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would have shared that information with the school or social services, not their friend.

For goodness sake. She confided in me, her best friend, in order to ask for advice. She had already told the school once and things didn't improve. She talked to me and approached the school again. They offered the child breakfast club.

For goodness sake. She confided in me, her best friend, in order to ask for advice.

She didn’t ask for advice. She told you what you describe as “horrific” details about a child that she had no business sharing with you.

She shared this confidential and sensitive information not because you’re a trained safeguarding professional but because you’re her friend. So you’re no more able to judge what to do than she is.

You speak to the people who are trained to advise you, not your mates.

FamilyOfAliens

My god, what is your problem? She told me the situation to get my opinion because she was so distressed. She had told the school once but the child's situation didn't improve and she didn't know what to do next. It's very normal to ask for advice from friends as far as I'm concerned. Obviously you are in some parallel universe.

It's very normal to ask for advice from friends as far as I'm concerned.

So if she was just asking advice, why didn’t she just say, “I’ve shared a concern about a child but I’m worried the school isn’t taking it seriously”, why did she need to tell you any “horrific” details? Surely if she just wanted advice about what to do next, you didn’t need to know any details at all?

FamilyOfAliens

I tell you what, I'll ask her tomorrow and get back to you. I'm guessing because she felt distressed and wanted reassurance from someone she knew would give her an honest opinion. She didn't go and share it with any random person. We're best friends and tell each other things, pretty standard for most but clearly not for you.

Yes with one of my DC and one of my DGS. The DC in question got a very good physics degree and has a good job and is a well balanced adult. DGS is Y6 and top of everything and also sporty but he's a sensitive boy and uses a lot of his emotional energy being anxious. Not that any of his peers notice. He gets better as he gets older, as did my DS. Play it by ear OP. You know your child best. You can't MAKE a child resilient, but you can give them the tools to cope with things and if that means occasional rest days then so be it.

She didn't go and share it with any random person. We're best friends and tell each other things, pretty standard for most but clearly not for you.

In the context of what you describe, she absolutely is a random. She didn’t have consent to share the “horrific” details with you, and she can’t claim she did it to get safeguarding advice from you because you’re not a safeguarding professional.

I can’t work out why you’re not getting that.

No I wouldn’t but carry on with the early nights and lots of down time.

@perfectly I’m assuming your friend knew the family in her private capacity rather than professionally. It would be very off indeed for a professional to share information with you about a family they were involved with professionally (which I think is what @family is reacting to). Outside of that, people talk.

FamilyOfAliens

She wasn't under any kind of oath. She's just a woman and this child's friends mum. The child asked for help. My friend didn't gossip, she felt under strain and did her best to help a child, more than others did. She still helps now when others have failed this child.

I won't be replying to you again as 'I can't work out why you're not getting that'.

OP - I hope your daughter is feeling better today.

No, that’s not what I’m referring to. Professionals share information all the time with information-sharing guidelines. I’d have no problem with that.

I’m concerned that when her friend got what she felt was an inadequate response from the school, instead of seeking advice about how to escalate her concerns, she shared what perfectly describes as “horrific” details about the child because they are friends.

I’m glad you won’t be replying to me again.

If you can’t tell the difference between asking advice and sharing information without consent, there’s no point.

jellycatspyjamas

Yes, I've made it very clear that she wasn't a professional, just a friend. The child's mum was someone known to us at the school gate sometimes, nothing more. The child was known to my friend as they were and still are a friends of my friends child. My friend is a lovely person who has done her absolute best by this child but has understandably felt upset, stressed and not known what to do at times. The situation was all consuming for her at times so she chose to speak to a close friend. There's nothing wrong with that with her not being a professional.

I’ve been wondering this about my 6 year old. As his daddy has just left us and it’s a very difficult time he’s tired and emotional right now (well we both are) I’m just not sure where I stand on it but I might just do it.

I think parents who give their children a ‘mental health day’ when they happen to be off work and have no need to go out are probably actually just giving themselves a mental health day (lazy day) where they don’t have to bother doing school runs tbh.
If your child is tired it’s not a valid reason to keep them off school. You wouldn’t call up your own employer and tell them you’ve got to stay at home with your child today because they’re tired.
If your child needs some tlc and an early night you can do that alongside sending them to school.

I just don't get what feeling 'run down' has to do with mental health. Fair enough to have a day off if not feeling physically or emotionally well. But being tired isn't a reason to call it a 'mental health' day. I'd have mental health day if suffering with ill mental health, such as panic attacks.

You certainly SHOULDN'T be using the term interchangeably with 'duvet day'!

I couldn't as I had to work then and saved any sick days for her being really sick.
I would've liked to though.

Hmm. Isn't that what weekends are for? After school they can wind down with books and early night. I think it sets a bad precedent later in life.