Do you ever give your YOUNG child (age 5/6) a 'mental health day' off school if they're just knackered, overwhelmed and a bit run-down?

[JessiCake]

I'm torn whether to send DD (Yr 1) in tomorrow.

Health-wise, she has a runny nose (but that's all) and she's very, very tired. The cold weather really takes it out of her, school lunches have been crap for the last few days (and she's scrawny so a couple of tiny meals means she loses energy quickly), and she's had a random couple of bad nights' sleep.

Because of all this (and because she's a very sensitive little soul who's easily over-wrought) she's feeling, well, overwrought

She was a little better after a good hot meal, a bath etc this evening, and I got her to bed extra early.

But if she's still peaky, tired, and overwrought in the morning, would you send her in or would you let her have the day off?

I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, I'm freelance and for once I have no pressing work deadlines.

Is it silly to let such a little child have what my friend with teenagers calls 'a mental health day' (basically a duvet day)?

I would never tell DD this is what I was doing for her, btw. I would just say as she's obviously feeling peaky and run-down, she's staying home.

Does anyone else do this? Am I being a massive softie/snowflake/insert abusive name here?

fwiw she's doing more than fine at school so a day off isn't going to affect her progress academically.

The other day DS had a health appointment at 3.30... I collected him at 12 just so he could wind down, have some down time and time with me because he was feeling like this - he’s also year one and 5, and because of my work is in breakfast/after school club 3 days a week.
YANBU.

Also I know a couple of parents who do this and their children have shocking attendance and EWO involved. There always seems to be a reason why they’d be better off at home that day - they didn’t sleep, a bit under the weather, problems with friends, worried about something happening that day. And once the kids are older they know how to get a day off if they want one!
My kids know that if there’s nothing coming out of either end and they don’t have a disease that requires isolation they are going in!

Also I know a couple of parents who do this and their children have shocking attendance and EWO involved. There always seems to be a reason why they’d be better off at home that day - they didn’t sleep, a bit under the weather, problems with friends, worried about something happening that day. And once the kids are older they know how to get a day off if they want one!

That's not the case with the people in this thread though. My kids have had 99/100 percent attendance for most terms. Dd2 had a few hospital appointments but I still brought her in befire or after.

Certainly off no more than other children and only off for things like tummy bugs and an asthma flare up which is hardly a runny nose and a sniffle.

Dd2 missed one day of secondary so far as we were in a&e getting an x-ray.

Dd1 rather

Its the thin end of the wedge.... my DSDs mother would let her have days off school because she was “emotional”, “tired”, “wanted to sleep in” etc etc in fact sometimes just because she didn’t feel like going to school - by year 5 she had less than 80% attendance and was a school refuser.

I would, in fact I’m doing it today with my DD(7). Her attendance is excellent but this morning she’s tired, tearful and a bit sniffly. A day home with mum will do her the world of good. She knows school matters, she knows she needs to go even when she really doesn’t want to - I also want her to know it’s ok occasionally to stop and take a day for yourself when needs be.

I’ve had days at work where I’ve just felt overwhelmed and needed some head space, kids must feel that way too. I have no interest in raising little worker bees who never question the system and work til they drop because “that’s just life”. I’d rather they learned it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes.

yes, and my mum was an infant teacher back in the day, she used to recommend it to parents!

She would say that the odd day at home with mum (or dad obviously), especially if there were siblings at school, could work wonders for a young child, and often did more to boost their school performance and behaviour than anything else.

She was pre all the attandance malarky. And she meant about one day per (old) term, so not more than 3 per year

It was especially reception and year 1.

I’ve done it for both of mine in secondary, called them duvet days. Both had excellent attendance rates, both have degrees now. I’ve always worked ft.
Mental health is as vital as physical, and primaries are much more intense places than they were 20 years ago when mine were small.

And once the kids are older they know how to get a day off if they want one!

That's absolute rubbish.

I've let both of my children have days off for things like this. My son is now 15, his attendance is great and he's very aware of needing to attend regularly to do well in his GCSEs. When they're older they find it easier to cope if they're a bit tired or have a cold.

OP- I would in your situation let her stay home!
DP is a Dr so he’d likely be a bit less soft than me (if you’re conscious you’re fine in his book) but I think it’s really important!

As a teen (11-18) my parents let me decide when I wasn’t ok for school/college. It was totally my choice- I would wake up and say ‘I’m not gonna go today’ and that was that.

However, my attendance never dropped below 90% - was never an ‘issue’ I got all A’s at GCSE and a first class degree. Now work for a big multi nat!

People who think giving a child a day off with turn them into a work shy slacker are crazy!

Giving kids autonomy over themselves turns a day off from a ‘luxury’ to a choice!

As long as parents understand that most schools won’t authorise absences for “down time” or because their child is “tiny”, and “won’t be 5 forever”, you should do what you see fit as a parent.

However in my LA our EWO will flag up children with “broken weeks” and may ask for a meeting with you to discuss ways to help build your child’s stamina.

I wasn't allowed as a child but i would for ds if I was sure he needed it

What are your weekends like? IMO weekends are the time to reset and recharge. Maybe your weekends are too busy and full on? I wouldn't let mine have a day off midweek. I'd start by looking at whether they were resting enough on the two days of the weekend every week.

I’m in Scotland where, happily, we’re a bit less attendance obsessed. If an odd day off (and I do mean odd, like 1/2 times a year) is enough to scupper their education for all time, there are huge issues with our education system.

Education is important, I’m educated to Masters level and support my kids to do well but their mental health is hugely important.

Can we please stop describing children who are tired and a bit run down as having poor mental health?

Going against the grain I would never do this. To me a big part of school is preparing for the real world of work and you can't take a day off in work for those kind of reasons. They're only there six hours and at year one probably doing lots of fun activities which will distract them from any tiredness, feeling run down.
They learn so much in these early years and you will be setting a precedent.

Bluntly No I wouldn't. When she's older and has a job she can't do this so you need to prepare her for the real world. It won't do any harm I. Year1 but you're setting her up to be a snowflake if you let her do this now.

My DD is HF ASD and hyper mobile. She needs a fair bit of energy to mask and get through the day. It all goes to shit when she’s tired.

FamilyOfAliens

You don't have to say it's for downtime. You just say they are ill, no need to explain further.

and may ask for a meeting with you to discuss ways to help build your child’s stamina.

I know a couple of people who who were offered something like this. Both very responsible parents, their children just had a bad run of illness. In one case the child had 3 days off with tonsillitis in November with antibiotics from the doctor. Then in December, the child got a stomach bug. The child had 2 days off, went back to school but then the stomach bug came back so missed a further 3 days. The child was taken to the doctors as the mum was concerned but the doctor said the child just needed time to recover.

School were only bothered about attendance and wanted to go to the child's house to discuss. The parent refused as the child had sickness and diarrhoea and didn't want them there. What on earth did they think they could do ? It's just an intimidation tactic. The thing is it doesn't work with genuine illness, it just pisses parents off and I also don't think it works if you've got the type of parent who doesn't care about school. Most parents are responsible, want their children in school and schools need to realise that and stop this pressure and intimidation about attendance.

Can we please stop describing children who are tired and a bit run down as having poor mental health?
I don’t think my tired, run down child has poor mental health. I’d quite like to keep it that way though so teaching my kids to take time for themselves occasionally, to teach self care, that a day here and there won’t be the end of the world feels as important as teaching them to be committed, to be disciplined and do things even when they don’t want to.

It’s not an either/or. I wonder whether the same people saying they’d never give their kids a down day are the save ones who struggle with work/life balance.

@FamilyOfAliens totally agree. Being tired and run down def doesn't mean mental health problems. We are too quick to label now dats.

You don't have to say it's for downtime. You just say they are ill, no need to explain further.

So compelling your child to collude in a lie to the school is good for their mental health how, exactly?

schools need to realise that and stop this pressure and intimidation about attendance.

Schools follow guidance issued by the DfE. I would love not to have to provide evidence to Ofsted that we’re doing all we can to improve attendance and focus on safeguarding - my actual job.

If any parent feels it’s intimidation to be offered a meeting in school to support a child who needs time off when they’re not unwell, there are likely to be bigger problems than their child's lack of stamina.

I would tell the teacher she’s run down and ask to pick her up at lunchtime.

Having just the afternoon off avoids many of the problems of “duvet days” (eg missing important work, looking like you cba to get her to school) but still gives her a rest.

So compelling your child to collude in a lie to the school is good for their mental health how, exactly?

How is it lying to say they aren't well if they are under the weather and tired. As I said earlier, I have found a day off at this stage can save my daughter having more days off a few days later. I certainly would never ask my children to lie, what an odd thing to say.

If any parent feels it’s intimidation to be offered a meeting in school to support a child who needs time off when they’re not unwell, there are likely to be bigger problems than their child's lack of stamina.

The people I know who have been offered a meeting have had children who are actually ill. So yes, it's intimidation. And they've tried to make the meeting in their home, whilst the child is ill with a sick bug, not a meeting in school.

I'm well aware it's all about ofsted, not the children, that's the problem. I have no problem with focusing on safeguarding, I just wish they would focus more on the children that actually needed help rather than chasing responsible parents who are perfectly capable of deciding whether their children are well enough for school.